It's surprising how much artistic freedom can do for immensely talented people. No wonder they say YG is a really good company. :)


The majority of the songs I've been listening to are from GD&TOP/Big Bang, for nearly three days (and counting).

- okay GD's version of This Love (yes, by Maroon 5) is playing in my ears.


I've been reading some articles on YG and how they handle their artistes, they really give them the freedom to produce, write and explore new genres with their music. And look what it's done. (looks up) I think they're the ones to change Kpop. I mean, the music so far from the idol groups, but I realize I've been hearing a lot of synth. Just listen to GD&TOP's album, and you'll know why I've been listening to them so much. A standout is the Intro (it contains a sample from an English song) and Oh Yeah (ft. Park Bom). Oh god, don't even get me started on that song. :) Just watch the performances and you'll know why.



And of course, the artistes themselves. I really did notice GD for this fashion. This coming from a person who's been known to go out with more than 5 rings on both hands. His energy is infectious, and when he's performing ' High High' it really looks like he IS that, HIGH. TOP too, his charisma spews out from my iPod screen. And when you put translated lyrics to their songs, you realize where their inspiration comes from, the phrasing of their lyrics, their intonation, sigh.



Rest assured, I'm not going anywhere from Super Junior. I still respect (and listen to) them. It's just that it's nice to listen to a breath of fresh air, something that kinda blows the cutesy stuff out of the water. People have got to reinvent kpop, before it turns into something that can be lampooned.



You Google, you Youtube,
You 'Save picture as'
To feed your fetish
You talk about them during lunch
Breakfast
And when your mouth isn't full
During dinner
But it's like breathing minted oxygen (?)
It's not like I can fight this 'spew' from me
But I'm...loving what I'm hearing.


- G

Labels: g-dragon, gd, GDTOP, kpop, top

I'm stressed up.
I'm compiling the massive list of things I've done for the Student Strengths Survey, so Ms Toh will know that I'm justified in handing it up late.
I'm retrieving pictures from my hard disk and facebook and god knows where else for a teacher, and for the survey.
I'm cramming in maths when I'm not doing the above.



But I'm alright.
I've made peace with myself.
And although it's taking some time to get used to doing things alone, I think I'm holding up just fine.



Thank you, you know who you are.


G

I think I should be doing something related to psychology in the future. I think I'd like to find out what makes us behave the way we do.



Since I've been known around school, I've been shamelessly (mis)judged over and over again, and that too, from an impressionable age. From an age where one's self-esteem is being developed.



After commenting on a few Facebook status updates this week and starting little debates all around, I'm still trying to put the situation into perspective.



For example, we write our FB status updates knowing full well they'll be scrutinized, used to reflect who we are. Some of us craft them, eliminating anything offensive. Some of us just blurt what's in our minds, not bothering about the fact that there will be people out there to counter what we say (eg. the conversation Bom Marielle and I had regarding Arthur Golden's credibility as an author.)



We all are up for judgement the day we are born. Even this very blog post is going to be scrutinized. In the hospital ward, relatives start to crowd around and say things along the lines of 'Looks like his mum/Looks like her dad/She's too light/He's too chubby/He'll grow up to be very sickly/She's inherited her mother's figure' So on and so forth. By the way, I'm not speaking from experience, my parents can vouch for that.



When we're in school, that's when I guess, the claws come out. In primary school, it starts off with subtle ostracization. Then it culminates in name-calling and even subtler ostracization.



In secondary school, that's when we have a broader picture of the world, its' wily ways, and the ways in which to out-run, out-score and out-wit.



Suddenly life becomes all about succeeding. I'm not saying success isn't important, I'm just rueing the fact that these days, it's all one thinks about. We have to be 10 steps ahead of each other, and the ways in which we try are endless.



Some of us sacrifice friendship, and ironically we see culture permeated with images and idealogies that our friends are the ones we turn to for help most of the time, because the generation gap with our parents is too BLOODY HARD TO BRIDGE. (?) Some of us sacrifice something that no one can live without: family. I'll let you guys form your own conclusions about that.



From my point of view, I see that we all have become so competitive nowadays, we think twice about even lending a friend notes. 'Will this person be better than me if he/she borrows this?" "Will his/her bad luck get to me?" "Will I die in my sleep after this?" Ridiculous questions, nebulous train of thought.



And the aspect which has contributed to a huge part of - say, my worries - sacrificing friendship. A few weeks ago, for the umpteenth time, I was snubbed by a friend of mine, after which my patience ran out. I took it online (and I'm admitting to it), because confrontation would be unbearable; my ears have suffered enough already. So this friend counter-attacked, on many sites as possible, shamelessly turning the tables. And for her (offline) promotions, she presumably spread things that weren't true about me. The whole incident has made me even more reluctant to trust people,but it's also taught me a lesson. Looking back on the photographs, the times, conversations, it hurts, but as long as I know I'm telling the truth on my side, and I've stood up for myself, I have a peace of mind about this.




I'm not saying that I'm new to gossip and rumours. After all, I've been made to deal with it from the time I was nine. It's just when it comes from the person you least expect it to, it hurts tenfold. And now I'm 16; the pain is dull. The needles are as sharp as ever, but my hide is thicker than before. I can't wrap myself in a banner that says, "I am pure, you have nothing to hate on me." We all have our shortcomings! I won't say that I'm completely refined. I still have problems keeping my voice down when I'm enthusiastic about something. I get angry quickly about certain issues.



However, I can't be bothered to refute every misconception about me, and believe me, I have tried. Although, there were some people who gave me the cold shoulder in Sec 1and 2. It went beyond ignoring; I'll skip the details. But now, we are on talking terms. Irregardless of their sincerity, at least we are on talking terms. And the reason is that they figure out, I'm not as stuck-up, or cold as they thought I would be. Transparency is necessary. Do we make friends assuming they're going to betray us later on? Do we fall in love thinking that the other party isn't going to be truthful?



I just wish people would be more sincere. If you don't mean it, don't say it. If you really cherish your friends, cherish them unconditionally. Don't be with them just because they make you feel better about yourself, and leave them at lunchtime.



Thank you to the wonderful people in my life; my friends and family, for reminding me that you're there for me.



You may know of her, but do you really know her. You know his name, but do you know his story. You might have heard what he, she or they have done.. but you don't know what they've been through. So don't judge or spread the lies.. if you really want to know the truth, make the effort to be part of their lives.

- via Matthew Zachary Liu

As the title suggests... 1. I got hit in the face by a volleyball.



Absent-mindedly thrown by someone who was incapable of picking it up and handing it to the teacher. He just HAD to throw it. And following the incident, I (a) know who my real friends are (b) have lost respect for the adults who were around at that time. I was very hurt by the incident, physically of course, but since this had a deeper meaning to it, emotionally as well.






I've no idea, but I've been hard-wired not to cry infront of friends. And obviously I'm a good actress when I'm in pain, because no one took notice or knew that it was all an act. They kept asking if I was okay, but it's easy to distinguish who's asking out of concern and who's asking out of curiosity. I think I can give myself that affirmation that I can distinguish these people. But the people whom I thought would be there for me, weren't. Instead they were talking about their own problems. If you really were my friend, you'd have known that I was trying not to let the hurt show, and you'd have bothered more than just a perfunctory 'you okay or not? your face is swollen.' Hello, I'm here with blood on my face, a probably-relocated (?) nose, and swollen cheekbones, and there you are, asking me if I'm mad at the person who threw the volleyball.





If i'm mad. Seriously people, no matter what my faults are, I'm still human, and I hurt! Of course I was bloody mad! It's just that I chose not to make it a big deal, and cause a fuss. And the person who threw the volleyball..you're damn lucky I didn't blow it up. Because it hurt like crap, and this is coming from a person who's been hit by a frisbee in the lower abdomen, and that's a no-zone for girls. More so I don't want to talk about the classmate whose primary concern was that I looked better without spectacles. It took sheer will for me not to give her a piece of her mind, because that meant hearing her voice right in my ear, because she would retaliate. Ugh. I really don't care if she's reading this. At least you know that there are people who won't hesitate to write about how they feel about you. No wonder we didn't click in the first place.






Anyway, Devaki put the situation in perspective for me later on, and I concluded that it was simply a case of 'wrong place, wrong time.' I have scars on my nose, and the area on my face is slightly tender, but I came away from the incident with a lot more than physical hurt.






2. I bought V-necked tops from Giordano.





The amount of gushing I have to do over this particular item of clothing...they do wonders for your physique. Well, the appropriate type of physique, if you know what I mean. Sadly, they didn't have them in grey, or burgundy, so I'd to settle with black, purple and green.





3. I miss debates.




The thrill, the anguish of preparing till 2am in the morning, the conversations with the team and our coach, our final dinner together, I miss it all.





4. Shuffling. I'm not as good yet, but it's looking decent.



5. I'm sick of Rebecca Black.




I think if you aren't..you ought to do something with yourself, and I didn't mean developing your vocabulary. On the way, and the way back, from Singapore Press Holdings, where we went for 2011's first Media Club Camp talk last Friday, my juniors were singing that godforsaken song. But I guess when they sing it, it doesn't sound as bad as RB. Really. It even sounds remotely adorable.





And shoutouts to Busyra, Nikitha and Niceline for pushing themselves out there to ask MTV VJ Holly Grabarek questions (she was the special guest at the camp). I did too; Niceline, Nikitha and I won gift packs from MTV... and Busyra...well her FB wall will tell you all... (winks) The random singing in class, the tumblr gifs..it's all too cloying. And I myself, listened to all 3minutes+ of the song just today, and gosh, I got ear-raped repeatedly. It really is that bad!!!! When Praval first made me listen to it, I couldn't last past - what? - 30 seconds? Ahh.. my second attempt, I just focused on the mental image of strawberries,chocolate fondant and butter naan.



_________________________________________________-






This week looks as nebulous as ever. Greetings to AM and EM. Oh, and sleep-inducing MT intensive. Ah...is anyone up for a talkshow? G

Labels: debates, nebulous, rebecca black, school, shuffling, sph, v-necks, volleyball

"I'm in love, I'm in love, i',m in love with your strict machine."



You ought to feel proud if you know what song the above line and the title are from.



1. Rebecca Black

I have no idea what this girl is doing on the trending topics. I mean, trend something that people should know about. Yeah, this girl may be fun to laugh at for you guys, but she's really not that essential. And while I must admit the GIFs on tumblr about her are hilarious, I'm getting sick of the Friday jokes. Friday, criday, who the hell gives a flying pitchfork about that?



2. Remedials.

Truthfully, there's just two days of holidays left. Sigh. Have got to spend it doing homework.
Breathe in, breathe out. Oh crap, I've begun to quote Goldfrapp lyrics again.



3. Donuts
I love them. The chocolate rice kind.



4. A life.
Some people need to get one, and they have to pick on someone their own size.



G

Labels: donuts, friday, goldfrapp, rebecca black, remedials

We're going sideways, highways, back up in an elevator
Another bomb, a timebomb, tick, tick, tick, tick
We got a timebomb, we got a timebomb, we got a timebomb
We pull the plug out and we na-na-na-na.


- Beck "Timebomb"


___________________________________________-


Exhaustion has a lot to answer for.


I'm not someone who sleeps in class. I've never been caught (by teachers) for doing that.
So I was suffering for the 1st half of MT Intensive, because I was falling asleep every 5 seconds! No exaggeration. As soon as I put my head on the back of my palms, my eyelids automatically started to droop, and lo and behold, I was zzz-ing for at least 10 seconds at most. And I kept getting goosebumps from the wind from the electric fans and the windows (yup, mine's a window seat.) So to combat it, I tried to make do with a t-shirt, and just covered my upper half with it. It didn't help. Tried shaking my legs, and changing my sitting position, zilch. And I don't think it was the lesson that was making me fall asleep. It was probably the accumulated lack of sleep. (?)
Felt like crap.


We had a break from 9:45am to 10:30am. Was thinking of getting some good food from the canteen, when I saw there actually was an excuse to leave school. Only the drinks stall and snacks stall were open. I think practically everyone left school for their break. I mean, even I can't find anything from THE SNACKS STORE to fill my stomach, and I can have a fairly large appetite depending on what I've eaten prior.



My charming friends wouldn't leave with me, so I walked with my t-shirt tied scout-style around my neck, in the sun, to the sushi place at the interchange. Bought four tuna sushi rolls, and a pack of kinder bueno. And being the chic person I am (Well, I AM working on refinement) I ate the sushi on the way. Pop the box open, gently pick up the sushi and pop into mouth. And then cover mouth to conceal distortion of mouth and face from eating aforementioned sushi.



Made it back to school satiated, and pretty energized. Ahaha. I just took care of myself.



We did a full paper 1 test for the second half, and I went home.


__________________________________________________-



I think it started during my convo with Praval, I'm starting to string my thoughts together, making for a disjointed sentence (?) From FB:


Today, at around 12:45pm

What is this fear pervading the bubble that's burst / Why do you have to make it so ominous / Do I know what I'm jumping over / Or into -> thoughts straight from my head, interpret what you can.

*The smartasses can deduce what went on, I suppose.

Today, at around 4pm



Red lips / Wanton but not quite / A six-year-old's fantasy relived at sixteen / Yes, an impromptu pompadour achieved / Mulling over a big problem / Hair finally restored to ponytail sleekdom / Red lips.



*I'm not kidding about the red lips. I don't have the lipstick stains to prove it though.



I think the better ones were in the FB convo, but I can't retrieve them now, I really have to go for my bath before the weather gets too chilly for the night.



BTW!
CATALOG Magazine is available for loan at the library (I'm slow, I know) But I really didn't go to that section until the day before yesterday. I've always limited myself to Vogue, Vanity Fair, Harper's Bazaar and teenVogue.



______________________________________________-


I apologize.
And I haven't lost the least bit of faith.
All the best in whatever you do.



G

Labels: beck, falling asleep, lipstick, mt intensive, school, sushi, timebomb

14 March 2011




AND 6TH MARCH 2011 WAS A GREAT TIME BECAUSE....







Best FB profile picture, I'm sticking with this.


*until Wen Kai uploads his share and THEN we'll see.












Enlightenment.

Labels: 6 Mar 2011, cake, camwhoring, cheryl, citylink mall, coffee bean, Emily of Emerald Hill, esplanade, funfunfuni'msuchakid, gowri, hyper, iffah, literature, one fullerton, photoshoot, play, wenkai

12 March 2011



What a breath of fresh air.
I just need to replace those in-no-way-related pictures at the side with mine.



So it's the end of Term 1. How time flies January, Feb and March, so far, have been nothing short of whirlwind, a bitter introduction of life in Sec 4. But I think we've all been holding our heads above the surface pretty well.


And some *of us* have turned into monsters.
As in,
they don't care about their friends anymore.

they shun them for people whom we think are 'smarter' and in the 'better' classes (as if 'better' was a word to segregate calibres of students, but I'm just going by the context here)

they don't think twice about not replying to aforementioned shunned friends' smses.

they give all other mortal beings attitude (the immortal beings being themselves in their prick-esque opinion)


they think it's okay to push and shove others without apologizing (on top of that, pushing and shoving happens in places where they shouldn't. and where it hurts. >:(


they feel that everyone's obliged to bow down to them and listen to what they say just because they sound like parrots on steroids (yuuuuuck)


I posted "Success makes some selfish" on FB some time ago. I guess that's going to be my prevalent belief till the Os. Because I've seen a few friends come and go, and they made freaking good use of me (use being of my willingness to help them, opportunities in school I gave them)


Well, heck, I'm swallowing everything down and I'm moving on. Because since last year, I believed not to expect kindness from everyone. I used to get hurt very easily, and if you think I was stone-hearted last year, think agaaaaain.


In the end, it's every person for himself, isn't it. You get together with your friends when you want some cheap thrills to tide you over your nihilistic depression, then leave them when you want to be all bloody nerdy and study. Honestly, who do you think you are?


____________________________________-


My mind is like a see-saw, is it not.

Me to Jocelyn Chua: "You may develop a liking for hirsute men after watching his live comedy, but really, Russell Brand is fantastic."

Labels: cheap, jocelyn, monster, russell brand, success, thrill

I just have the weirest impulses sometimes.



It's 1:05am, and I'm struggling to make head or tail of the scripts my fellow debaters have sent me. Why then, am I typing this, you may ask. Well, writing or typing my feelings out does for me what throwing tantrums does for some people. It's cathartic.



(10 minutes later)


Alright, got it sorted out. So it is right to say that I work better under pressure? It's 1:14am, and I slept at 2am this morning.



I really miss blogging. The carefree way of pouring out my thoughts, as they flow from thought process to lovely hands to lovelier fingers, not caring about whether people think my writing is too verbose, or if it makes sense or not. To be honest, I think I have always made sense. It's just that all my ramblings come from a very complex place, that sometimes I've to think twice before really writing what I want to.




Of course, Sec 4 life has its' drawbacks, one of them being unable to access the internet on the computer on weekends. If I can access it during the weekend, that's pretty much..more than enough for me. Time is of the essence.



Of course, it feels like being in a vacuum, or a pressurized container. But for now, I'm choosing to go with the flow, and carry on whatever my struggles. Sometimes, when I'm stuck in class staring at the whiteboard, trying to comprehend trigo or whatever godforsaken equation that's on the board in front of me, it doesn't take very long for me to put my head in my hands and force myself to blink back the tears that have welled up from frustration at myself, and at my situation. When everyone's progressing, and readily handing up their work, I feel like a slug with undone questions. But, I make up for it by just doing them up by the book, at home.



I've to go.
I'll have eye circles complementing my visage if I keep this up.
Please take care of yourself, Heechul oppa.



It looks as if I've multiple personalities, but really, what you see is what you get.


G

18 February 2011



Today went downhill from 12:05pm onwards. But on the bright side, this weekend will allow me to take a little breather, since CTs are over. But the coming week is going to be one heck of a roller-coaster ride. But more on that later.



Today, after MT remedial, I rushed home, got changed, and went to meet Bridget for lunch. At NP. We went walking around OurSpace, then along the main building, then Makan Place. Mercifully, it was about 4+ by then, so it wasn't so crowded then. We got waffles with icecream (I know, I know), and while queueing we saw Thilagan. (Hello hello!)


And I'm sure it was Haniff at the table a few metres away from us, i mean, you can't miss his incredible cockatoo hair anywhere. Saw Iqbal too.


So Bridge and I were spending up to like an hour and a half talking about stuff, and envying the school maintenance stuff who were speeding down the roads in lorries with furniture...and I must say the view of the school from our table was cool, as in we could see the "layers" of roads.


On a completely random note, Love Song by Rain is playing on shuffle. :)



Bridge and I just enjoyed the frosty weather by walking around NP..until around 5+ we had to bid our good byes, cos she had to meet another group. Much love, babe. :)



________________________________________________-


I realised I've been listening to the same songs repeatedly. Here goes:

Rocketeer - Far East Movement
Good Day - IU
Nagging - IU ft. Seulong
Love Song - Rain
Ramta Jogi - ARR
Ishq Binaa - ARR
Vennila - ARR
Sorry Sorry Answer - SJ (this dates back to at least a month..love that song)
Romeo & Juliette - SHINee (ditto)
Soul - Heechul (ditto, this was from the Super Show 2 live DVD by the way)
Chobyeol - Heechul (from the Loving You Ten Million Times OST)
Depression of the Direction (it was a Japanese composer, from the Personal Taste OST)
Man In Love - Super Junior


That's FOUR languages...English, Tamil, Hindi and Korean.


And as a sidenote, Zhoumi from Super Junior-M is a really good MC. :)

_________________________________________________-


We received the motion today for our 2nd preliminary round of the national debates. (We won St. Hilda's Sec in the first round). Am having a terrific time, and not in a good sense, preparing for it, because now we all have a taste of what it feels like to prepare for a real debate, but it involves a good deal of research, preparation, confidence, and training your stomach not to fail you in the car on the way to the debate venue.


___________________________________________________-


I could whine, I could cry, saying that no one understands my pain
But it's the truth, that no one understands what you're going through as well as yourself
But the most I can do is to learn from it
Harden my heart
Make sacrifices
I know the ride I'm in for isn't easy
Especially with my lofty ambitions
But I'm doing all that I can
I really need to push on, but I won't say I've not been wavering
I am human after all.
Am trying not to let things affect me
And use the thick hide I've developed over the years
Even if the tears may well up, even if my shoulders may heave in desperation,
Even if the work seems like a tidal wave
I can't give up.
And it isn't me either.



G

Labels: 18 February 2011, 180211, A R Rahman, bridget, Far East Movement, human, IU, lunch, music, NP, playlist, SHINee, super junior, tough, waffles