Girl, Interrupted

merde. mt intensive ends tomorrow.

2011-05-26T03:52:00.000-07:00

I hate the dirty games you play.

If you want to find out my marks, ask me to my face.

Don't be a bloody coward.

When I'm sitting alone at lunch,

Don't sit behind me and watch how I'm coping with my newfound solitude.

I absolutely loathe it.

Fix yourself.

'mm on the nights when those stars are shining like tonight'

2011-05-11T05:54:00.000-07:00

It's surprising how much artistic freedom can do for immensely talented people. No wonder they say YG is a really good company. :)

The majority of the songs I've been listening to are from GD&TOP/Big Bang, for nearly three days (and counting).

- okay GD's version of This Love (yes, by Maroon 5) is playing in my ears.

I've been reading some articles on YG and how they handle their artistes, they really give them the freedom to produce, write and explore new genres with their music. And look what it's done. (looks up) I think they're the ones to change Kpop. I mean, the music so far from the idol groups, but I realize I've been hearing a lot of synth. Just listen to GD&TOP's album, and you'll know why I've been listening to them so much. A standout is the Intro (it contains a sample from an English song) and Oh Yeah (ft. Park Bom). Oh god, don't even get me started on that song. :) Just watch the performances and you'll know why.

And of course, the artistes themselves. I really did notice GD for this fashion. This coming from a person who's been known to go out with more than 5 rings on both hands. His energy is infectious, and when he's performing ' High High' it really looks like he IS that, HIGH. TOP too, his charisma spews out from my iPod screen. And when you put translated lyrics to their songs, you realize where their inspiration comes from, the phrasing of their lyrics, their intonation, sigh.

Rest assured, I'm not going anywhere from Super Junior. I still respect (and listen to) them. It's just that it's nice to listen to a breath of fresh air, something that kinda blows the cutesy stuff out of the water. People have got to reinvent kpop, before it turns into something that can be lampooned.

You Google, you Youtube,
You 'Save picture as'
To feed your fetish
You talk about them during lunch
Breakfast
And when your mouth isn't full
During dinner
But it's like breathing minted oxygen (?)
It's not like I can fight this 'spew' from me
But I'm...loving what I'm hearing.

- G

Day 1 - MT / Overture...

2011-04-28T00:52:00.000-07:00

I have a pretty good feeling about MT. Not so much for Paper 2, but Paper 1...I feel that this may be the silver lining I've been looking for.

After nearly an hour of watching SJ videos on YT, I think I've relieved some stress. No one's at home now, so I'm actually laughing all I want.

And I wanted to blog because I felt like putting my thoughts in words, not about exams, but about a group of people.

You know, there's always someone who is tactless enough to insult you to your face? And the worst thing is that they think they are absolutely justified in doing it. Dear....anyone who may be guilty of this, please note that when you are insulting someone to their face, you do not start off by saying "No offense". Apparently, you meant to hurt them, and to offend them. Also, you don't know what they may be going through. And the issue you're insulting them about may be very sensitive. Worst still, if you've insulted them in front of other people, I wish you all the best for your karma. Kindly show a bit of sensitivity, even if you're not used to it. Words cut more deeply than you think.

I've been getting a lot of this from certain people, and it sickens me. Seriously, don't insult others unless you're perfect, or in any way, better than them. You hurt someone, and then talk about being pure and praying to God piously. Sort yourself out, thank you very much.

_________________________________________________-

However...

You can choose to listen to people who know absolutely nothing about you and let yourself be hurt, or you can choose to live life by your principles; while smiling in the face of hardship. Ultimately, you choose what you feel. Haters are confused admirers.

Song of the moment: Who - 5 O'Clock Heroes ft. Agyness Deyn (yes, the model, and yes, she sings)

http://youtu.be/dWvw6ZpK1j4

Just like now...

2011-04-22T10:01:00.000-07:00

I'm stressed up.
I'm compiling the massive list of things I've done for the Student Strengths Survey, so Ms Toh will know that I'm justified in handing it up late.
I'm retrieving pictures from my hard disk and facebook and god knows where else for a teacher, and for the survey.
I'm cramming in maths when I'm not doing the above.

But I'm alright.
I've made peace with myself.
And although it's taking some time to get used to doing things alone, I think I'm holding up just fine.

Thank you, you know who you are.

G

Mirror

2011-04-18T04:15:00.001-07:00

I think I should be doing something related to psychology in the future. I think I'd like to find out what makes us behave the way we do.

Since I've been known around school, I've been shamelessly (mis)judged over and over again, and that too, from an impressionable age. From an age where one's self-esteem is being developed.

After commenting on a few Facebook status updates this week and starting little debates all around, I'm still trying to put the situation into perspective.

For example, we write our FB status updates knowing full well they'll be scrutinized, used to reflect who we are. Some of us craft them, eliminating anything offensive. Some of us just blurt what's in our minds, not bothering about the fact that there will be people out there to counter what we say (eg. the conversation Bom Marielle and I had regarding Arthur Golden's credibility as an author.)

We all are up for judgement the day we are born. Even this very blog post is going to be scrutinized. In the hospital ward, relatives start to crowd around and say things along the lines of 'Looks like his mum/Looks like her dad/She's too light/He's too chubby/He'll grow up to be very sickly/She's inherited her mother's figure' So on and so forth. By the way, I'm not speaking from experience, my parents can vouch for that.

When we're in school, that's when I guess, the claws come out. In primary school, it starts off with subtle ostracization. Then it culminates in name-calling and even subtler ostracization.

In secondary school, that's when we have a broader picture of the world, its' wily ways, and the ways in which to out-run, out-score and out-wit.

Suddenly life becomes all about succeeding. I'm not saying success isn't important, I'm just rueing the fact that these days, it's all one thinks about. We have to be 10 steps ahead of each other, and the ways in which we try are endless.

Some of us sacrifice friendship, and ironically we see culture permeated with images and idealogies that our friends are the ones we turn to for help most of the time, because the generation gap with our parents is too BLOODY HARD TO BRIDGE. (?) Some of us sacrifice something that no one can live without: family. I'll let you guys form your own conclusions about that.

From my point of view, I see that we all have become so competitive nowadays, we think twice about even lending a friend notes. 'Will this person be better than me if he/she borrows this?" "Will his/her bad luck get to me?" "Will I die in my sleep after this?" Ridiculous questions, nebulous train of thought.

And the aspect which has contributed to a huge part of - say, my worries - sacrificing friendship. A few weeks ago, for the umpteenth time, I was snubbed by a friend of mine, after which my patience ran out. I took it online (and I'm admitting to it), because confrontation would be unbearable; my ears have suffered enough already. So this friend counter-attacked, on many sites as possible, shamelessly turning the tables. And for her (offline) promotions, she presumably spread things that weren't true about me. The whole incident has made me even more reluctant to trust people,but it's also taught me a lesson. Looking back on the photographs, the times, conversations, it hurts, but as long as I know I'm telling the truth on my side, and I've stood up for myself, I have a peace of mind about this.

I'm not saying that I'm new to gossip and rumours. After all, I've been made to deal with it from the time I was nine. It's just when it comes from the person you least expect it to, it hurts tenfold. And now I'm 16; the pain is dull. The needles are as sharp as ever, but my hide is thicker than before. I can't wrap myself in a banner that says, "I am pure, you have nothing to hate on me." We all have our shortcomings! I won't say that I'm completely refined. I still have problems keeping my voice down when I'm enthusiastic about something. I get angry quickly about certain issues.

However, I can't be bothered to refute every misconception about me, and believe me, I have tried. Although, there were some people who gave me the cold shoulder in Sec 1and 2. It went beyond ignoring; I'll skip the details. But now, we are on talking terms. Irregardless of their sincerity, at least we are on talking terms. And the reason is that they figure out, I'm not as stuck-up, or cold as they thought I would be. Transparency is necessary. Do we make friends assuming they're going to betray us later on? Do we fall in love thinking that the other party isn't going to be truthful?

I just wish people would be more sincere. If you don't mean it, don't say it. If you really cherish your friends, cherish them unconditionally. Don't be with them just because they make you feel better about yourself, and leave them at lunchtime.

Thank you to the wonderful people in my life; my friends and family, for reminding me that you're there for me.

You may know of her, but do you really know her. You know his name, but do you know his story. You might have heard what he, she or they have done.. but you don't know what they've been through. So don't judge or spread the lies.. if you really want to know the truth, make the effort to be part of their lives.

- via Matthew Zachary Liu

My foot's dust - literal translation, but it's hilarious!

2011-04-15T08:52:00.000-07:00

Today was such a 'mung' day that the only reason i'm typing is this is because of what I did after school. We were dismissed at 11am, because of Speech Day, so I had 2 periods of math, 2 free periods, and 1 period of english. During free period, Jian Hong and I were getting mindscrewed due to differentiation. After completing chem, we were like 'screw this'; he took a nap, I went on reading my book. And it seems Mr Quake thinks it's a good book. Good to know he approves my choice, but I'll read any murder mystery. Just not the ones involving sororities and high-school shit.

During English period, we went to the Professional Sharing Room and played Rebus Games. They're the best. We were all divided into groups; I was with Yuan Heng, Wesley, Tian Lin and Yui Lun (blame Wesley's repeated chanting of their chinese names or is it just my bloody irreverence?) Rebus games are really good, as in they stimulate your brain to think beyond what you see, and replace pictures with numbers, vice versa, and analyze literal meanings of words or phases. Alright, convoluted enough. Google!! .

Came home at around 12+, rested, bathed, and left for Lot 1 with Mum. It was a reward for getting Top In English for the level. After Lot 1, we train-ed to WM to meet Sis. And Mum got me the ultimate gift: this pair of earrings from B'dazzle, that I'd been (subconsciously) eyeing. Aside from some things from Comics Connection, I realised I bought a heck lot of jewellery, from Cotton On, Aries and B'dazzle. Cotton On should really work on their jewellery range: the three-finger rings are generic enough, they should have experimented more on a single object and expanded it to fit the width of all three fingers. As the mobile uploads on FB will show, because I can't upload the pictures to Blogger. .

It's been a great Friday. (nope, don't you dare start on that bloody song) .

And it's full revision mode from now on, I've had enough fun for a weekend today. :).
_______________________________________-..

.

I'm not going to say anything further than this, because there's a reason why I'm myself, and you're what you make yourself to be. .

There are definitely many people who'll agree on this, you've no right to be saying how immature others are, when you know, deep inside yourself, that you're never going to be as mature or as refined as they are. How can you bring yourself to do that? I'm not saying this just for myself, I'm saying this for the tons of other people you have flamed on Facebook. And now it's me, hmm? Charming. Look at yourself first, and then pick out the flaws in other people that you don't have, alright?! .

Talk all you want. I'm not going to care at all. It's only making me stronger.

Make all the ridiculous accusations you want. I can't be bothered to refute them, you're just another one of those people who've misunderstood me.

Be the gossip-monger (now I'm sincerely going to be rude!) you are and spread all you want.

Because just so you know, it's all going to come back to you. .

detachment.

2011-04-13T04:06:00.000-07:00

"Now about friendship. Many of us try to drug ourselves that friendship is essential in our lives. Have we ever tried to slow down and sensibly think about the times we need or do not need friendship?" - Quoted from a friend's blog; shan't mention the friend's name since your blog is private :)

It seems as if the entire bloody 'gestapo' is against me.

Friends are coming and going this week, and it's Wednesday already.

You give me attitude and then ask me if I'm okay.

So don't expect me to answer you like an angel.

Keep hating.

No worries.

You're all power-hungry.

You're all sick.

Every single one of you.

Va fanculo.

"Don't you let me go, let me go, tonight."

2011-04-10T03:37:00.000-07:00

LAUNCHING SOON! ____________________________________________________- The weather... Ahh, what can I say about the weather that hasn't already been said? Yesterday it was amazing in the evening, it was sweltering in the morning/afternoon, but now... it's just cold. I keep hearing the hissing sound of cars on the slick roads. But I'm not complaining, it's perfect weather to snuggle in bed listening to LYKKE LI , who by the way, is my new favourite artist of the moment. That voice of hers is INDESCRIBABLE.

Tomorrow, it's hello to yet another week of school. And there's 2.4km re-run tomorrow as well. My feelings towards NAPFA couldn't be more 'heck-care'. Because by the time Sec 4 rolls around, I think a lot of people have developed that IDGAF/H/H/S attitude to a lot of stuff, but for me, NAPFA is one of those things. I know the importance of ensuring you're fit and all, and leaving the school with a good record, but really, how relevant, or accurate is it? It's a big change for me, because as far as I can remember, I've never been nonchalant towards anything in school. Maybe there are exceptions, but NAPFA does seem major. Oh well. I have better things weighing on my mind.

_______________________________________________-

To: the person who wrote on my tagboard recently

If you think you're going to bring me down with your words, think again. As long as there is a story to be told, issues to be spoken up for, I will continue writing. Deal with it, or go and read some thing else, like say, the Garudapuranam?

_________________________________________________- To: Whom it may concern My main problem, in points, so it shall be easier for you to read, and you will not have to call anyone to your laptop, or tell people to read, to understand it for you. 1. I wait at a table during recess if I'm there earlier than you and the rest. 2. And I am alone. 3. Would you like that? 4. Maybe you've been in that position before. 5. Did you like it? 6. So I'm waiting. 7.And I see you sit at another table with the rest, and you know fully well that I'm sitting somewhere else. 8. And seeing that, I swallow my pride, and I walk over to your table, and join you. 9. You guys act as if nothing has happened, not even an apology, or clarification. 10. So it's come to a point where I'm sick of it. 11. And I realise that I'm not a bloody pushover. 12. Do you know what that is? 13. Maybe you've been in that position before.

14. Did you like it?

15. And so I think it's best not to be friends anymore, because I certainly don't need someone who takes me for granted.

16. Everyone has pride. Myself included.

17. I'd rather take to my blog and vent my anger, all the while giving you the cold shoulder.

18. Yes, like a coward.

19. It's not like me.

20. I know that as much as you do.

21. But if I talk it out with you, I feel two things.

22. One, the prospect of having you yell at me when I didn't do anything wrong is not pleasant at all.

23. You know, that feeling, when you're speaking in a very low tone, and the other person just runs their mouth and yells at you?

24. Maybe you've been in that position before.

25. Did you like it?

26. The second thing, it doesn't matter to you if you go without talking to me at all.

27. Because all this while, I realise you've been taking me for granted.

28. You just need me there to laugh with you, take pictures, help you with things, advice you on people, make you feel better.

29. So it shouldn't be such a big deal to you, should it? You have other friends to do the same thing! If it's not me, it's another girl! Or another guy! Whoever.

30. So now you know that the anger is not one-sided, and that you should be reflecting on what you did.

31. Because I sure as hell have nothing to reflect on.

hwasahl.

2011-04-05T03:22:00.000-07:00

Apologies for the conjoined text so far, guys, but I sorted it out. :) Today was yet another lesson in the wily ways of the world. Had NAPFA, got it done with, and went home.

It sucks that I've to bring this to my blog, but if that's the only way I'm going to be able to make my feelings known, so be it.

I hate having to see people change. I've always admired it when people don't expect anything in return for their help, but is loyal friendship too much to ask for? Sometimes I can't even trust anyone anymore. What's with this sudden change in you? What the hell did I do? You talk to me as and when you like, sit with me during recess as and when you like, and I'm supposed to take it lying down? People have their own pride, it's just that they choose not to show it!

Yes, it's true that I can be hurtful, but it will NEVER be without a reason. I can't bring myself to just throw my words around. If I ever am in the slightest bit of fault, I wouldn't bother putting the blame on others. I'd apologise to them myself. So, I've come to a decision. I don't care if I'm going to be without lunch/recess buddies or people to be in a group with for the rest of the year. At least I'll be with people whom I care for, and I can be assured that they care for me as well.

I'm bloody SIXTEEN already, and I'm going to have to fend for myself, like I've been trying to do ever since it came to the point where people started using me. I have parents to care for, and I'm doing my very best to not make them angry. I'm really trying my best to study hard so that both my family and I will have a peace of mind about my future. I'm not in a position to ruin their mental and physical health.

You can gossip all you want, spread all the lies you want, write all the hurtful status updates and blog posts you want, but it's not going to hurt me. It's not like it hasn't happened. It's just that I didn't expect you to be doing it, and it sucks that you're not seeing the other side of them story.

I don't really talk to friends about my problems, I just keep it inside, bury the hurt, and hope it will go away till the next time when all this mess starts again. So just because I don't cry in public, or vent my anger on people, it doesn't mean that I don't have problems! I'm a normal teenager too, and I have the same worries as anyone else. But the least you could do as a friend is to not add to them, right?

Thanks a whole lot, though. But I really don't have the time for this, nor do I have the energy. G

merde.

2011-03-31T06:31:00.001-07:00

You treat people like they're pushovers, and you talk to them when you feel like it. And yet you complain about how people treat you, and you have the nerve to kick up a fuss when people question you nicely about your behaviour. Just because you have problems that you can't do anything about, it doesn't mean you have the license to shout and curse at people. When you have someone to occupy your thoughts, you part the bloody sea to get them involved in everything you do, without bothering about how the other people involved feel about it. Do something about yourself, will you?

The past week in points..

2011-03-28T04:20:00.000-07:00

As the title suggests... 1. I got hit in the face by a volleyball.

Absent-mindedly thrown by someone who was incapable of picking it up and handing it to the teacher. He just HAD to throw it. And following the incident, I (a) know who my real friends are (b) have lost respect for the adults who were around at that time. I was very hurt by the incident, physically of course, but since this had a deeper meaning to it, emotionally as well.

I've no idea, but I've been hard-wired not to cry infront of friends. And obviously I'm a good actress when I'm in pain, because no one took notice or knew that it was all an act. They kept asking if I was okay, but it's easy to distinguish who's asking out of concern and who's asking out of curiosity. I think I can give myself that affirmation that I can distinguish these people. But the people whom I thought would be there for me, weren't. Instead they were talking about their own problems. If you really were my friend, you'd have known that I was trying not to let the hurt show, and you'd have bothered more than just a perfunctory 'you okay or not? your face is swollen.' Hello, I'm here with blood on my face, a probably-relocated (?) nose, and swollen cheekbones, and there you are, asking me if I'm mad at the person who threw the volleyball.

If i'm mad. Seriously people, no matter what my faults are, I'm still human, and I hurt! Of course I was bloody mad! It's just that I chose not to make it a big deal, and cause a fuss. And the person who threw the volleyball..you're damn lucky I didn't blow it up. Because it hurt like crap, and this is coming from a person who's been hit by a frisbee in the lower abdomen, and that's a no-zone for girls. More so I don't want to talk about the classmate whose primary concern was that I looked better without spectacles. It took sheer will for me not to give her a piece of her mind, because that meant hearing her voice right in my ear, because she would retaliate. Ugh. I really don't care if she's reading this. At least you know that there are people who won't hesitate to write about how they feel about you. No wonder we didn't click in the first place.

Anyway, Devaki put the situation in perspective for me later on, and I concluded that it was simply a case of 'wrong place, wrong time.' I have scars on my nose, and the area on my face is slightly tender, but I came away from the incident with a lot more than physical hurt.

2. I bought V-necked tops from Giordano.

The amount of gushing I have to do over this particular item of clothing...they do wonders for your physique. Well, the appropriate type of physique, if you know what I mean. Sadly, they didn't have them in grey, or burgundy, so I'd to settle with black, purple and green.

3. I miss debates.

The thrill, the anguish of preparing till 2am in the morning, the conversations with the team and our coach, our final dinner together, I miss it all.

4. Shuffling. I'm not as good yet, but it's looking decent.

5. I'm sick of Rebecca Black.

I think if you aren't..you ought to do something with yourself, and I didn't mean developing your vocabulary. On the way, and the way back, from Singapore Press Holdings, where we went for 2011's first Media Club Camp talk last Friday, my juniors were singing that godforsaken song. But I guess when they sing it, it doesn't sound as bad as RB. Really. It even sounds remotely adorable.

And shoutouts to Busyra, Nikitha and Niceline for pushing themselves out there to ask MTV VJ Holly Grabarek questions (she was the special guest at the camp). I did too; Niceline, Nikitha and I won gift packs from MTV... and Busyra...well her FB wall will tell you all... (winks) The random singing in class, the tumblr gifs..it's all too cloying. And I myself, listened to all 3minutes+ of the song just today, and gosh, I got ear-raped repeatedly. It really is that bad!!!! When Praval first made me listen to it, I couldn't last past - what? - 30 seconds? Ahh.. my second attempt, I just focused on the mental image of strawberries,chocolate fondant and butter naan.

_________________________________________________-

This week looks as nebulous as ever. Greetings to AM and EM. Oh, and sleep-inducing MT intensive. Ah...is anyone up for a talkshow? G

Wonderful electric.

2011-03-18T02:47:00.000-07:00

"I'm in love, I'm in love, i',m in love with your strict machine."

You ought to feel proud if you know what song the above line and the title are from.

1. Rebecca Black

I have no idea what this girl is doing on the trending topics. I mean, trend something that people should know about. Yeah, this girl may be fun to laugh at for you guys, but she's really not that essential. And while I must admit the GIFs on tumblr about her are hilarious, I'm getting sick of the Friday jokes. Friday, criday, who the hell gives a flying pitchfork about that?

2. Remedials.

Truthfully, there's just two days of holidays left. Sigh. Have got to spend it doing homework.
Breathe in, breathe out. Oh crap, I've begun to quote Goldfrapp lyrics again.

3. Donuts
I love them. The chocolate rice kind.

4. A life.
Some people need to get one, and they have to pick on someone their own size.

G

Jumping over fire

2011-03-16T03:02:00.000-07:00

We're going sideways, highways, back up in an elevator
Another bomb, a timebomb, tick, tick, tick, tick
We got a timebomb, we got a timebomb, we got a timebomb
We pull the plug out and we na-na-na-na.

- Beck "Timebomb"

___________________________________________-

Exhaustion has a lot to answer for.

I'm not someone who sleeps in class. I've never been caught (by teachers) for doing that.
So I was suffering for the 1st half of MT Intensive, because I was falling asleep every 5 seconds! No exaggeration. As soon as I put my head on the back of my palms, my eyelids automatically started to droop, and lo and behold, I was zzz-ing for at least 10 seconds at most. And I kept getting goosebumps from the wind from the electric fans and the windows (yup, mine's a window seat.) So to combat it, I tried to make do with a t-shirt, and just covered my upper half with it. It didn't help. Tried shaking my legs, and changing my sitting position, zilch. And I don't think it was the lesson that was making me fall asleep. It was probably the accumulated lack of sleep. (?)
Felt like crap.

We had a break from 9:45am to 10:30am. Was thinking of getting some good food from the canteen, when I saw there actually was an excuse to leave school. Only the drinks stall and snacks stall were open. I think practically everyone left school for their break. I mean, even I can't find anything from THE SNACKS STORE to fill my stomach, and I can have a fairly large appetite depending on what I've eaten prior.

My charming friends wouldn't leave with me, so I walked with my t-shirt tied scout-style around my neck, in the sun, to the sushi place at the interchange. Bought four tuna sushi rolls, and a pack of kinder bueno. And being the chic person I am (Well, I AM working on refinement) I ate the sushi on the way. Pop the box open, gently pick up the sushi and pop into mouth. And then cover mouth to conceal distortion of mouth and face from eating aforementioned sushi.

Made it back to school satiated, and pretty energized. Ahaha. I just took care of myself.

We did a full paper 1 test for the second half, and I went home.

__________________________________________________-

I think it started during my convo with Praval, I'm starting to string my thoughts together, making for a disjointed sentence (?) From FB:

Today, at around 12:45pm

What is this fear pervading the bubble that's burst / Why do you have to make it so ominous / Do I know what I'm jumping over / Or into -> thoughts straight from my head, interpret what you can.

*The smartasses can deduce what went on, I suppose.

Today, at around 4pm

Red lips / Wanton but not quite / A six-year-old's fantasy relived at sixteen / Yes, an impromptu pompadour achieved / Mulling over a big problem / Hair finally restored to ponytail sleekdom / Red lips.

*I'm not kidding about the red lips. I don't have the lipstick stains to prove it though.

I think the better ones were in the FB convo, but I can't retrieve them now, I really have to go for my bath before the weather gets too chilly for the night.

BTW!
CATALOG Magazine is available for loan at the library (I'm slow, I know) But I really didn't go to that section until the day before yesterday. I've always limited myself to Vogue, Vanity Fair, Harper's Bazaar and teenVogue.

______________________________________________-

I apologize.
And I haven't lost the least bit of faith.
All the best in whatever you do.

G

A play, tea, and good times.

2011-03-14T04:55:00.000-07:00

14 March 2011

AND 6TH MARCH 2011 WAS A GREAT TIME BECAUSE....

Best FB profile picture, I'm sticking with this.

*until Wen Kai uploads his share and THEN we'll see.

Enlightenment.

Multi-racial, multi-religious friendship. :)

I just love this picture for some funny reason.

Fantastic tea at Coffee Bean. Chocolate Of A Thousand Leaves cake is like amalgamated (?) Kinder Bueno and plain chocolate cake.

We went to catch Emily of Emerald Hill, as our last Literature outing before the exams.

Shame if you haven't caught it, we finally got what the hype was about.

It's just Ivan Heng in the title role; him, and two chairs on either side of the stage.

By the way, the stage was a stage within a stage within a stage...sort of something out of Inception. check out Cheryl's pictures if you can.

Ivan Heng did what is called "breaking down the fourth wall" which is to actually interact with the audience and make them part of the play itself. Brilliant.

Thank god for my very basic knowledge of Malay, at least I knew what 'babi keluar' meant and wasn't left in the lurch. :(

But yeah, there's a lot of Malay and Mandarin slang used, but nonetheless, it was so gut-achingly funny I'm quite surprised I still managed to be very reserved in the theatre, and stay put in my seat.

(meaning that under normal circumstances I would have clapped my hands like a chimpanzee and ejected myself out of my seat.)

By the end, I think the play got my head because I was , how do you put it, stunned into silence; I think I was going to cry. Because, Emily _______ at the end (no, not dies, but probably off-screen?) and the entire scene was just so heartbreaking, I'm surprised people weren't crying when they exited the theatre, but complaining of the cold. (Bring a scarf, for god's sake.)

It was one of the best plays I've watched, and it was a dream come true, because I'd been wanting to watch EOEH ever since Primary 5, when I first heard of it.

Outside the Esplanade, we walked out...into a clear, bright day. Pictures above will have explained.

I don't remember feeling as high, or as free as I did that day. It was great to be out in the sunshine, with tons of photo ops. That's the important thing about being out with the people you treasure and love.

You've got to make memories.

After extensive phototaking, we walked down to One Fullerton, where tons of well-heeled people were out enjoyed the sunset on the river, having tea, drinks, talking and taking pictures. Gosh, I can't stop gushing about the weather, seemed to be just perfect for us. (alright, everyone)

Tea at Coffee Bean, and we walked back along the bridge.

Went to Citylink Mall, and gosh, we practically went berserk in HMV. I know it to be the biggest stockist of Kpop cds, and my favourite records from as back as 1965, hence my berserkness.

I ended up going straight to the Super Junior section..and calculated the total cost of all the CDs and DVDs if I were to buy them *$197*

Honestly,

just seeing those hard-to-find records gets me all buzzed up, like George Michael's Faith, Sade's Lovers Rock & Love Deluxe, Diana Ross's Touch Me In The Morning....it was like coming home to your physical iTunes library.

(sorry about the position, Cheryl just charmingly refused to rotate the picture on FB)

From there, we went to Hersheys'.

I don't have to tell you what ensued.

I was just controlling my urges because I was channeling all my energy into looking for chocolates to buy.

At around 8-ish, we took the train (ending up on the wrong lane) to Marina Bay, and back, all the way till Bukit Batok. Which actually guaranteed us seats for the entire journey, but a longer time to get home. Don't hate on us. It's called retribution, this reciprocal seat-hogging.

S4 Lit Class 2011, Iffah, Wen Kai, and Cheryl, it was great spending my Sunday with you guys.

I can't possibly express all that I wanted to say in just that sentence, but I know you guys know what I mean. :D

Sparring. Speaking at breakneck speed. Reassurance. Humour from the gutter. Cheek muscle cramps from excessive laughing.

2011-03-12T04:10:00.000-08:00

12 March 2011

What a breath of fresh air.
I just need to replace those in-no-way-related pictures at the side with mine.

So it's the end of Term 1. ~~How time flies~~ January, Feb and March, so far, have been nothing short of whirlwind, a bitter introduction of life in Sec 4. But I think we've all been holding our heads above the surface pretty well.

And some *of us* have turned into monsters.
As in,
they don't care about their friends anymore.

they shun them for people whom we think are 'smarter' and in the 'better' classes (as if 'better' was a word to segregate calibres of students, but I'm just going by the context here)

they don't think twice about not replying to aforementioned shunned friends' smses.

they give all other mortal beings attitude (the immortal beings being themselves in their prick-esque opinion)

they think it's okay to push and shove others without apologizing (on top of that, pushing and shoving happens in places where they shouldn't. and where it hurts. >:(

they feel that everyone's obliged to bow down to them and listen to what they say just because they sound like parrots on steroids (yuuuuuck)

I posted "Success makes some selfish" on FB some time ago. I guess that's going to be my prevalent belief till the Os. Because I've seen a few friends come and go, and they made freaking good use of me (use being of my willingness to help them, opportunities in school I gave them)

Well, heck, I'm swallowing everything down and I'm moving on. Because since last year, I believed not to expect kindness from everyone. I used to get hurt very easily, and if you think I was stone-hearted last year, think agaaaaain.

In the end, it's every person for himself, isn't it. You get together with your friends when you want some cheap thrills to tide you over your nihilistic depression, then leave them when you want to be all bloody nerdy and study. Honestly, who do you think you are?

____________________________________-

My mind is like a see-saw, is it not.

Me to Jocelyn Chua: "You may develop a liking for hirsute men after watching his live comedy, but really, Russell Brand is fantastic."

Sarangsarangsarang

2011-03-09T09:04:00.000-08:00

I just have the weirest impulses sometimes.

It's 1:05am, and I'm struggling to make head or tail of the scripts my fellow debaters have sent me. Why then, am I typing this, you may ask. Well, writing or typing my feelings out does for me what throwing tantrums does for some people. It's cathartic.

(10 minutes later)

Alright, got it sorted out. So it is right to say that I work better under pressure? It's 1:14am, and I slept at 2am this morning.

I really miss blogging. The carefree way of pouring out my thoughts, as they flow from thought process to lovely hands to lovelier fingers, not caring about whether people think my writing is too verbose, or if it makes sense or not. To be honest, I think I have always made sense. It's just that all my ramblings come from a very complex place, that sometimes I've to think twice before really writing what I want to.

Of course, Sec 4 life has its' drawbacks, one of them being unable to access the internet on the computer on weekends. If I can access it during the weekend, that's pretty much..more than enough for me. Time is of the essence.

Of course, it feels like being in a vacuum, or a pressurized container. But for now, I'm choosing to go with the flow, and carry on whatever my struggles. Sometimes, when I'm stuck in class staring at the whiteboard, trying to comprehend trigo or whatever godforsaken equation that's on the board in front of me, it doesn't take very long for me to put my head in my hands and force myself to blink back the tears that have welled up from frustration at myself, and at my situation. When everyone's progressing, and readily handing up their work, I feel like a slug with undone questions. But, I make up for it by just doing them up by the book, at home.

I've to go.
I'll have eye circles complementing my visage if I keep this up.
Please take care of yourself, Heechul oppa.

It looks as if I've multiple personalities, but really, what you see is what you get.

G

"Nehga Eunhyukmida!"

2011-02-18T08:27:00.000-08:00

18 February 2011

Today went downhill from 12:05pm onwards. But on the bright side, this weekend will allow me to take a little breather, since CTs are over. But the coming week is going to be one heck of a roller-coaster ride. But more on that later.

Today, after MT remedial, I rushed home, got changed, and went to meet Bridget for lunch. At NP. We went walking around OurSpace, then along the main building, then Makan Place. Mercifully, it was about 4+ by then, so it wasn't so crowded then. We got waffles with icecream (I know, I know), and while queueing we saw Thilagan. (Hello hello!)

And I'm sure it was Haniff at the table a few metres away from us, i mean, you can't miss his incredible cockatoo hair anywhere. Saw Iqbal too.

So Bridge and I were spending up to like an hour and a half talking about stuff, and envying the school maintenance stuff who were speeding down the roads in lorries with furniture...and I must say the view of the school from our table was cool, as in we could see the "layers" of roads.

On a completely random note, Love Song by Rain is playing on shuffle. :)

Bridge and I just enjoyed the frosty weather by walking around NP..until around 5+ we had to bid our good byes, cos she had to meet another group. Much love, babe. :)

________________________________________________-

I realised I've been listening to the same songs repeatedly. Here goes:

Rocketeer - Far East Movement
Good Day - IU
Nagging - IU ft. Seulong
Love Song - Rain
Ramta Jogi - ARR
Ishq Binaa - ARR
Vennila - ARR
Sorry Sorry Answer - SJ (this dates back to at least a month..love that song)
Romeo & Juliette - SHINee (ditto)
Soul - Heechul (ditto, this was from the Super Show 2 live DVD by the way)
Chobyeol - Heechul (from the Loving You Ten Million Times OST)
Depression of the Direction (it was a Japanese composer, from the Personal Taste OST)
Man In Love - Super Junior

That's FOUR languages...English, Tamil, Hindi and Korean.

And as a sidenote, Zhoumi from Super Junior-M is a really good MC. :)

_________________________________________________-

We received the motion today for our 2nd preliminary round of the national debates. (We won St. Hilda's Sec in the first round). Am having a terrific time, and not in a good sense, preparing for it, because now we all have a taste of what it feels like to prepare for a real debate, but it involves a good deal of research, preparation, confidence, and training your stomach not to fail you in the car on the way to the debate venue.

___________________________________________________-

I could whine, I could cry, saying that no one understands my pain
But it's the truth, that no one understands what you're going through as well as yourself
But the most I can do is to learn from it
Harden my heart
Make sacrifices
I know the ride I'm in for isn't easy
Especially with my lofty ambitions
But I'm doing all that I can
I really need to push on, but I won't say I've not been wavering
I am human after all.
Am trying not to let things affect me
And use the thick hide I've developed over the years
Even if the tears may well up, even if my shoulders may heave in desperation,
Even if the work seems like a tidal wave
I can't give up.
And it isn't me either.

G

nanamjaya

2011-02-04T04:12:00.000-08:00

GODDD, what a break.

My right hand's henna is undone as I write this. Tomorrow's the wedding of our paternal cousin. And i'm very certain the henna is going to turn out two-tone, as in, it won't have 'aged' evenly.

There's so much weighing on my mind right now, and all I can talk about is this. Oh the horror.

Anyway,
The CNY concert in our school was successfully pulled off, pictures are up on FB.

Thanks to Kimberly, Joy and Celine for their cooperation, but I have yet to see your articles on Tumblr. :D

And I really hate getting yelled at for no apparent reason.

P.S.: Gosh, if you want to gossip about us, just do it someplace we can't hear, thank you!

A measly 153.

2011-01-13T08:13:00.001-08:00

I turned sixteen yesterday.

Sixteen.

Where have the years gone? It was only yesterday that I was making a mess out of my mother's face powder and singing along to Britney, and suddenly I'm a sixteen-year-old, now by default, supposed to think about nothing but Os. Times change, and so do we.

I still find it hard to believe. Although I dont look my age, (though sure as hell I sound much older), Im now thinking more and more about the future with each passing day. I too, have dreams, and I'm trying to gradually let go of my prejudices and inhibitions to realise them.

Sure, I will never know what it feels like to come back to the same school on the first day of term, because there isn't going to be a first day of term at Bukit View anymore. The thought of it makes ny eyes well up with tears. As much as Sec 1 (and to a lesser extent, Sec 2) was carefree. Sec 3 was a defining year for me. I learnt a lot of important lessons last year. I learnt about people, family, friendship, betrayal, the harsh realities of life, the way others see things, and ultimately, myself, and what exactly my character is made of.

I know Sec 4 isnt easy, because heck, I'm feeling the pinch. But I'm going to plough on, no matter how many times I may cry in frustration with my head in my hands. I'm trying to be prepared, emotionally. Hence the pessimism.

So, on to the topic of this late night post...my birthday. As I was setting the alarm on my phone for bed, I checked FB before I went to bed, and your heartwarming wishes started to pour in! And I was seeing my name all over the news feed as well. :P

My family of course, wished me first, and gave me the first instalment of gifts (really) at midnight. Dearest Geetz cuz, Vilas Akka, Perima and Peripa, thank you very much for your wishes! *And thank you for your chocolates, Perima :) Now this rabbit has even more chocolates to nibble on :P*

I have yet to find a solid one hour to reply to all of yout wishes on FB, as well as to update-edit this post with all your names. A promise is a promise, which is why Im feverishly thumbing out this post on my phone! (refer to yesterday's FB status update)

I also had ELDDS yesterday, during which some utterly darling members wished me. I swear, it really warmed my heart, and I was in shock after what you guys did what you did! But more on that tomorrow!

It's getting late, and I sure as hell know I should be attempting to sleep already. Once again, thank you to each and evryone who wished me a sweet sixtwen! Kamsahmnida! Thank you so much for the thought, and for making me smile like I meant it, on this special day.

Love,
G

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Prologue, you're far away.

2010-12-28T22:56:00.000-08:00

At least, my Boxing Day was great.

#nowplaying - Muzik - 4minute

Went to WM to get stationery for sis and I - credit to her for finding me a planner that I didn't quite like at first sight, but grew to. (sort of my relationship with kpop, if i may say so)
I originally had my eyes set on a white, hardcover planner, half the size of an A4 exercise book ,lengthwise. It simply said 'Twenty-eleven' on the front, and there was a lovely wood-grain pattern on it. I liked the pristineness of it, so I was set on it ---- but sis had to unearth this stack of A4-sized planners.

She convinced me to leave the white one and take the one with a black background and red circles. (She's sitting a metre from me as I type this.)
But the selling point was that it displayed the days by month, so I could see the whole month at one glance, and I wouldn't have to settle for by-week view, or incessant flipping of pages.

We got our planners from the same range - hers is grey/white flowers, mine is black/red circles.

*At this point, I'm wondering if anyone finds my description of the planners awfully and annoyingly detailed.

After that, we went to Udders for ice-cream. Where we did our retarded 'Biting Into The Future' videos. Perhaps, you'll see more of it in the future? I'll try to make it a fad.

*Oh, and the Ballsy Mint icecream is *SCREAMMMSS*
I'm quite vulnerable to poisoning now, since everyone's going to assume that's the only flavour I eat at that outlet.

I'm very thankful for the large jar of Nutella I have at home.

And I'm thankful to Suju for cheering me up. Kim Heechul, I think I'm over your creepiness. Now what we ALL have to do is to pray for more AB-blood type people to take over our train of thought.

Have not been able to tweet via HTC Peep ever since a friend logged out my account, and now I can't log back in at all. Hence my noticeable absence of tweets. And it's sad that I can't even view Heechul's/Donghae's/Shindong's/Leeteuk's Twitter posts, because I can't log in. Charmed I am.

Productivity-wise, I think I'm down to 95% of SNSD's Genie (the dance, not the song!) And thought I agree no one can beat Key at Abracadabra...*smiles*

Something retarded I said to my mum just popped in my head:

Me: It's in my job description to destroy your thought process.

G

________________________________________________________________

Honestly, do you even know what it feels like to get slammed? It means that the person who wrote about you has made it so obvious that it's you. I've had it happen to me, and I would call THAT slamming. People could have assumed the person I meant it towards to be anyone. If they think it's you, well, I'm not the one who spread my matters to people I don't even know, or trust.
And besides, slamming also involves vulgarities. Read it again. Slamming? You haven't seen anything yet. So stick to what you know, and don't interfere in people's matters, if deep down, you don't know what you're meddling with. And know what to stick up for.

I hate having to be at someone's throat, and harbour these distasteful feelings. I don't like enmity, but I can't avoid it! No matter how many points of view I try to see this whole mess from, I don't find anything wrong in what I've done/said. And I'm someone who listens.

Thank you for proving your petty-mindedness with yet another false accusation. What a charming way to cut ties before the year ends. I'm sick of this; I don't think you are.

Discovery

2010-12-25T19:35:00.001-08:00

it's 10:55am now. Good morning and happy boxing day!

Sigh. Yesterday's Christmas wasn't happening at all. I didn't go to buy a lot of chocolate, like Guylian pralines, Andes mints, Cadbury Milk Tray....Oy, my mouth is watering. And to top it off, it rained. Bloody first thing in the morning. As such, I just spent the first two hours of my morning watching korean variety shows on my ipod. *with eng subtitles of course.* Was pretty demotivated to finish the lil bit of work I had left and revision.

Besides that, I was also under stress from a lot of personal issues as well. I hate having to feel this way, but I feel I deserve it for having slacked sometime in the year. Anyway, around lunchtime I went back to my books.

But something good happened in the morning! (while it was still sunny) We saw sis on television! She was at town with friends the previous day celebrating someone's birthday, when they were all approached by a TV crew to say what Christmas means to them. The girl who interviewed them said it would be for either an English or Tamil programme. And she said she'd sms my sister the programme timing. Surprise surprise, she didn't.

So sis didnt know when she could catch her friends and herself on tv. Yesterday, we happened to switch on the telly to see what xmas programmes were there. We were channel-surfing when we came across this infotainment show on Vasantham, where they WERE interviewing people about christmas. So we anxiously waited, until we saw sis! :D :D. So that makes two of us to have appeared on tv now!

I was also looking forward to catching the MTV 2010 Top Korean Artistes show, as well as the KBS Entertainment Awards on tv later that evening. Couldn't catch the MTV show, due to clashings with another programme that my family wanted to watch. I'm crossing my fingers that I have enough disk space to record the encore at 4pm today! Because I wanna share it with my cousin sis too.

The real disappointment was the awards show. I didnt mind the fact that there weren't subtitles (very clever, KBS), i was quite content with seeing the celebrities. What I was counting on were the performances by kpop artistes..but sadly, none that I liked.. And why were the evening's performances pretty much dominated by JYP?? (RHETORIC QUESTION: perhaps SME artistes had schedules but that's sad!) Anyway, since I didnt know who was gonna perform, I switched off the tv at 11 (the show ended at 11:45pm) Sigh. Wasted my time recording...

Been bothered about a lot of things these few weeks, and of course it isn't good. I guess being stone-hearted..is the right thing to do.

I guess we have people on both our sides, whom we now cant trust so much, hmm? Didn't read your tumblr till someone told me what you'd written.

G

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Hwasahl. Did you feel the pinch?

2010-12-23T09:39:00.001-08:00

Some people have too much nerve. Too much ego. They get blinded to the things around them. And they get caught up, believing the wrong people, the wrong things.

I'm quite disgusted at how much of a sadist this year has brought out in me. Honestly, I don't have the habit of ill-wishing people. I just believe in karma is all.

If you know me well (and it's not a large number of you), I'm pretty much a what-you-see-is-what-you-get person. Anger is very much an exception. I rarely hide my feelings, and even if I have to, at a later point they show through some way. I dont see the point in hiding your feelings and then saying something you don't mean. Why say it all? I've learnt my lesson with a few friends, and now, I feel it's harder for me to trust someone like that. Whatever the reason for hiding their feelings may be.

I'm happy that finally, some people have decided to bloody well come clean with their feelings. *Even if it's online, and they think I'm not reading it!* Oh, and it warms the cockles of my heart to know I've been reduced to a pronoun.

Seriously? Stupid? Not bad? Give me a bleeding break. Obviously I meant to be rude, I'm not going to be nice forever and let you walk over me, am I? Yep, I was trembling, but from sadness or sheer surprise I'm not sure. And it is good to know you got what you deserved, because I did, for being patient. It was the classiest thing I could do, instead of composing a lengthy essay peppered with every insult possible, which in turn, IS NOT CLASSY AT ALL, and thus doesn't show the difference between us.

I sat and reflected for awhile, and I felt a weight upon my chest, but ironically, a sense of something being lifted off my shoulders. Relief.

Trust is just so damn hard to come by.

G

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"6 years, but I don't miss them."

2010-12-17T21:19:00.001-08:00

It's 11.45am now.

At around 2-3pm, paternal grandmother + aunt + miscellaneous relatives are going to pay us a visit to give us the wedding invite of aforementioned aunt's daughter (aka my blood-related cousin).

Which means that by yesterday night, I musr have done some things that I normally wouldn't have done, like:

1) Clean the couch(es)

Anyone who owns things upholstered or made in high-maintenance materials (aka leather, suede, silk, etc) knows that these things require regular cleaning. And not with soap or water. The better part of my evening yesterday was spent treating certain parts of the couch with a sort of glue stick, then waitimg for it to work, then buffing away the dull marks or pallor on the couch. Then I wiped the couch first with a sort of clear solution, then its complementary lotion. Did that for the first couch, went online
to email councillor stuff, then repeated the process for the second couch.

The funny part was that no one had
asked me to do it, but I just took up the responsibility, because I'd never done it before. And besides, I was in need of a workout.

2) Polish the piano

Pretty self-explanatory. Dusted, sprayed, polished until I could see my pupils dilate in the lacquered wood's reflection. And it's usually sis or dad who polishes the piano. Let's just say I take care of the arranging/carrying of stuff.

_________________________-

Yesterday, I saw my sister chatting with her secondary school friend. It got me thinking; that I don't keep in touch with anyone from primary school. I just don't feel it's necessary. In the first place, thwzrex

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Merde.

2010-12-15T20:44:00.001-08:00

Choked up.

Sometimes you just cant trust anyone anymore.

And it is a struggle to even keep this bleeding facade up.

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Bruised nailbed.

2010-12-10T01:01:00.000-08:00

It's 5pm, which means I have been spending 3.30pm till now in bed.

Something kept me up during the wee hours of this morning.

My right big toe was giving me excruciating pain, to the extent that I was tossing and turning from 12 midnight till 5 plus in the morning. And squealing and groaning like a pig from the pain as well. I'm not sure if I was imagining it or not, but it felt like my nail was being pushed out from the nailbed. It's kinda comical when you imagine it, but it was terrible, really. I couldn't even bring myself to find some humour in the situation (like I try to do sometimes) because it was just so unbearable.

When I finally got out of bed at around 8am, I found that my toe was really tender, and sore. And...it was kinda numb. Only the center of the soft flesh on the underside of the toe was sensitive to touch. I couldn't even walk properly. Since the centers of gravity of our feet, I'm presuming, are the balls of our feet and our big toes. If you do some research on ancient foot-binding, you will know why they bind only the last four toes and leave the big one free.

So,
I couldn't join sis and cousin on their outing, and instead went to the clinic with mother.

Found that the doctor looked so much like the headmistress of the school in Mona Lisa Smile,

And she said I've grown taller.
Which baffled me so much that I think I was staring at her for a few seconds. I've never seen this doctor before, and neither has she me, so this was kind of weird.

That aside, she proceeded to examine my toe, after which she started pinching it like a bloody sausage, and it took so much of restraint not to scream, because I can get quite loud sometimes.

Got my meds, left the clinic, reached home, bathed, took meds, applied the gel on my toe, and wedged a wad of cotton wool between my toes. Sort of like a pedicure, except that I had no nail varnish and it was hurting like hell.

Anyway, spent my time resting in bed, and then got up to type this entry.

Lesson learnt:
For people who have flat feet, or a particularly high arch like mine, please make sure that you get the toeboxes of your shoes expanded when you buy them. Period.

G

Trash in transit

2010-12-08T23:12:00.001-08:00

So if you want it to be stronger,
You better not let go,
You better hold on longer
If you want your love to grow
Gotta stick together
Hand in glove

Hang on to your love.

Yes, I listen to music from the 90s. *So what?* Many people do.

Case of the plagues again / But this time I feel quite handicapped.

This week has not been good to me, but I'm swallowing it and just trying to move forward. At least I didn't go to bed sad/worried, because I redid my nails before going to bed.

Yes, I like varnishing my nails. At least I take pride in doing them myself and not going to some salon.

Can't put up the picture for now / there's some glitch.

And on a happier note,

Happy birthday, Choi Minho.

G

It's not quite epicurean, but..

2010-12-07T02:03:00.000-08:00

I have to mention what beautiful weather it was on Sunday (the 5th). So to take advantage of it, Mum brought me out. However, she wouldn't tell me where we were going till we were in the cab.

Well I found out that she was bringing me to one of my favourite places in Singapore..Cold Storage.

I guess those who know me well know how much of a sweet tooth I have. I've been starting to get really addicted to ice-cream these few months, and really, I don't think its a girl thing. Or anything to do with binge eating. I'm just making up for all the chocolate I've been keeping myself away from. And it goes without saying that I like cakes, brownies, chocolate, drinks, spaghetti, pizza, basically any type of food that isn't fatty/or requires you to suck marrow out of it. So Cold Storage meant the ultimate Gestapo of food and drink products; it's like the make-up counters at BHG Bugis Junction, the counters there carry the FUULLLL range of products that you don't see at your neighbourhood Watsons or something.

Through some aisles of CS, I abandoned my sense of discipline and went flying past all the products, because really, CS had that lovely Christmas spirit in the air, and there were tons and tons of every kind of chocolate imaginable lining the shelves = me going high. Oh, and the very entrance of KAP brought back great memories of the Adam Khoo Stadium Camp in March last year. I remembered where everyone used to sit on the steps. I know Olivia was sitting on the bottom step.

I actually drank coffee at the Mac there.

And here are the wonderful things we bought:

Have you seen these at neighbourhood supermarkets? And it's Ghirardelli! *I didn't even know they made brownie mixes.

I will always love this. In whatever form it comes, chocolate thins or individually wrapped.

The last time I ate this was I guess, 2/3 years ago? It was just one piece, and since then I've been trying to get it. :D The raspberry puree is unbelievable.

Mint jelly and mango chutney - my favourites. I wonder if the jelly is the same used at Swensens'.

The cordial (summer berries) is nice too.. Mum and I were practically hacking the neck of the bottle to open the seal, I remember. It's fine with cold water, but much better with icecream soda. There're elderflower, lemon-lime, and ginger-lime-lemongrass flavours as well.

This icecream kinda forces you to taste it like wine.

1st taste you get: Some sort of Indian sweetmeat.

2nd taste : vanilla

3rd taste/aftertaste : Ginger.

Courtesy of Rebecca Ng. :)

Childhood.

2010-12-04T08:27:00.001-08:00

Saturday, 4 Dec, 11:36pm
I'm going to make it a point to blog at least once a day, because I really don't want to lose the passion to write. And besides, the drought of posts on my blog is answer enough. :P

#songsyouhavetohear

My picks are:

I Look To You - Miami Horror ft. Kimbra

Graze - SHINee (a personal favourite of mine)

Murder, He Says - Tori Amos

Give A Little More - Maroon 5 (everytime this song comes on shuffle on my ipod, I cant help but smile :)

________________________-

While I'm lying on my bed in the dark, typing this, I realise that I really treasure this December cold that's
been getting under our skins lately. It makes you want to sleep more! (yes, even I succumb to sloth sometimes.) Besides that, there is also the quirk of hearing sounds from people's television sets; those especially in the floors directly below and above you. Some of the things I've heard include the opening score to the drama The Two Of Us, the Crime Watch theme, and Beethoven's Love Story. And when I cant figure out the names of the sounds Im hearing, dont get me started on making out the languages. :)

_____________________-

I first heard about the pledge against violence when I saw that many of my friends' status updates bore the same message: to change your dis. pic. into that of a cartoon character from your past's and keep it until Dec 6 to remember out childhood and stand up for children who have been victims of abuse, be it psychological or physical. If you read my FB status update you'll know my stand on this...so I thought of a cartoon character that I liked...and came up with Betty Boop, in other words, Mae West for kids?! :P. While looking for an appropriate picture of BB, I kept coming across BB in various poses, none of which I felt were appropriate enough for this cause. After all, BB is a coquette (now wondering if the usage is right), a vixen, a Lolita with a very obvious garter belt. But if you read up about her, she was really meant to be innocent! (albeit with a bit of innuendo)

So imagine my pleasant surprise when I found a picture of a demure BB, in a blue and yellow patterned shift dress, against a peace symbol!

Discoveries aside, I felt a sense of longing for childhood when I saw the multitude of cartoon character DPs on FB. There was Barbie (which I can never forget my childhood obsession with!), Noddy (which I remember for having something to do with oat porridge and wooden noses) and Casper (which for some weird reason reminds me of my sister). It was great looking through the DPs, and I was brought back to my childhood. ;)

However, some kids may not even be allowed the memories of having played with these toys or watched the cartoons. Some may be spending their childhood learning how to fight for their lives, or making the textiles and goods that we privileged ones have the luxury to scoff at and criticize. Some may be abused, exploited or simply made to feel unloved on a daily basis. For those kids, we should feel sympathy, and try to help them to our capacities. How can one develop and mature with the most important chapter of their life ripped out?

Perhaps I am condensing all of this too simply, but it is really what I wnted to say. Of course, listen to your parents, tread carefully, and study hard. But one shouldnt forget his or her childhood and treat it as a rite of passage that they will eventually outgrow. Its funny that when we are young, we say we cant wait to grow up? But when we are, say, adults, a bad case of arrested development hits us and we say we wish we could turn back the time and relive the times when milk meant..milk, so to speak.

____________________-

I figured its been a pretty long post so far, and my fingers are starting to cramp. Well, just remember, it's okay to take the mickey out of a situation once in a while, and see things the way children see it: innocently and logically.

Much love,

G

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2010-12-02T01:00:00.001-08:00

I guess it's easy to get caught up in your emotions when there are too many setbacks bombarding you in every direction. Sometimes I stone and get to a place where I practically dwell on those thoughts, and I give some of the greatest sighs ever, and my heart sinks. I frown, setting the stage for wrinkles.

And then I say inwardly,"Gowri, shut the hell up and stop thinking about it," but the thoughts keep recurring. And even when I manage to shut them out, the wounds never completely heal.

Being someone who never really had true friends in primary school, I know how to treasure friendship. And so it hurts me when certain people don't really believe in the bond that I have with them, and choose not to speak with me for months, leaving me puzzled as to why.

That's why I've had to cut some ties this year. Of course it's sad, because some of those friends were people whom I'd spent some of the happiest occasions with, had the deepest conversations with, worked with, laughed with, had meals with, consoled, and practically spent a lot of time with. All that's changed now. Some, despite me giving them a shoulder to cry on and helping them achieve things in school they normally wouldn't have, now give me the cold shoulder, and frankly, that sort of treatment, be it towards ANYONE, makes me want to shake their shoulders, and tell them, never to forget where they came from, and who was responsible for their success, if I could call it that.

I guess none of them treasure all of it as much as I did? All that I can say is that I'm never going to know.

And I'm going to leave it that, because in life, some things REALLY are lost causes.

G

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Catching potatoes at 1am and music

2010-11-13T00:53:00.001-08:00

Seeing as my blog has to be urgently resurrected, and that people actually read it (thanks Iffah), here I am using a very handy app called moblog. *beams*

Man do I miss blogging. I think about it and realise that I must have been in such a humongous funk, because I havent been doing much writing, except in school and the occasional planner update (speaking of which, I want to kick myself for not doing that). Not good for me, and it's not characteristic of me either.

As such, I hope I will be able to blog more using this app (and make the most out of my phone screen's real restate which by the way, is 4.3 inches).

#Nowplaying: 'I Look To You' by Miami Horror and Kimbra

So what's been up? Foundation Prog just ended on Thurs, which means the Sec 3s are officially into their second day of Nov/Dec holidays. Not much consolation there, though. (read: holiday assignments)

And for those who know me well...I dont really go out with friends, unless you count after-school lunch and dessert @ Udders. Suprisingly, my holiday schedule is starting to look more like Fran Drescher's during Christmas season; it looks like I will be going out more often. Due to ___ dinners (cant disclose word due to fear of letting the cat out of the bag), birthday dinners, BV's public concert @ SP, camps, a literature outing, *oh my ipod just died on me* council meetings, consultations with teachers, so on and so forth.

But Im looking forward to all of this, because if I spent my holidays at home moping and surfing the net 24/7, needless I would go crazier than I already have.

.

And I think its no secret that I like kpop, which I previously didnt understand the hype about. But Im someone who (a) is always on the hunt for new music (b) goes for the melody, and the performance's value, so I 'left my prejudices at the table', as I often say. However, I'm curbing my enthusiasm, and Im restricting myself to certain bands/artistes, simply because I like them out of what Ive seen so far.

I guess that's it for today, lest I end up with permanent curvature of the wrists. Love you guys.

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I think you're amazing.

2010-09-08T08:30:00.000-07:00

I wonder if true love really exists.
Between mother and child, man and woman, or siblings.

less than 5 days of holiday left + succesfully finished class CIP today, wed 080910 + had lunch with becky after councillor induction session and prior to CIP + my throat went queasy + watched two episodes of The Nanny + slogging my arse off for debate script + facebooking on the sly + irony.

G

Destined to wear green.

2010-08-21T05:27:00.001-07:00

Sorry for the lack of updates!!!
(but it's not like anyone's caring.)

K, July/August in sentences...

1. I'm one of the interclass debate team members. The other members are Amber, Melina, Devaki and Ramez. We (Devaki, Ramez and I) won the quarter-final round (against 3E2). And on Thursday this week, we (Devaki, Amber and I) won the semi-final (against 3N2). We're in the finals, which is a wonderful thing. I know I sound kinda 'uninterested' just because I'm not using any bombastic language or exclamation marks, but really, I'm very glad about our achievement. It's not just a team effort, or an effort by any one of us, we're doing it for the class as well.
We'll be facing 3E4 in the finals.

2. I went to watch Inception! Fantastic movie, loved the cliffhanger ending. And of course, NEARLY ALL of my favourite actors/actresses were there; Cotillard, DiCaprio, Page, Levitt, Murphy. Note: It was a good thing I didn't eat anything except Lakerol in the theatre. Or else I wouldn't have understood a thing.

3. I'm an audition away from my 3-year dream.

4. I'm addicted to The Way We Were by Barbara Streisand. (sorry to anyone I may have irritated by singing it in class.)

4(a). I'm such a nutcase. Some years back, when I bought this ABRSM book of Broadway Musical piano pieces, I remember seeing some song titled 'Way We Were' or something. And now that I love the song, it took me so damn long to recognize and dig up the piece in the book!! Learning it, but it's seriously difficult to play. EASY AS CAKE to sing. (for me, that is..sorry..:S)

4(b) Speaking of song/music addictions, I wish I'd seen Mika in concert in Singapore. Was slapping myself when I saw the illuminating review in Life! . Madre mia. Am addicted to him, Diana Krall, and Baby Bash.

4(c) The unthinkable has happened. I now have Korean songs in my iPod that I now listen to everyday. I'm stopping at SNSD, SJ, Wondergirls, B2ST and Taeyang. (for now.)

5. I bought a new school bag a week ago! My previous one, OP, has been with me since p5, and before that, with my sister, for two years. It was coming apart at the seams/bag lining was in pieces dammnit.

My new bag is from Nike (Y), and it's in one of my favourite colours (Burgundy). When I was at WM with Mume to get the bag, we first went to Yellow, the shop
that sells Vans sneakers, Ipanema sandals, spike earrings, bags, clutches, haversacks and so on. I saw this bag that I liked, it had a large mandatory compartment for books, and one front compartment for any miscellaneous items. Loved the colour, didn't like the compartments. It was 80+ bucks. But the material didn't even look the price.

Went to LinkMillenium (if i'm not wrong, that's the name of the store) which was just 5 metres away. Went straight to the Nike section (SADLY, the bags at the Adidas section were really nice, it's just that they were Adidas.)

Saw this bag that reminded me of one of my friends' bags (technically he's not my friend anymore but what the hell, sometimes a girl CAN believe in the past tense). Had tons of compartments. I need compartments. I like being organized. And it was a WONDERFUL colour.

Thus, I became its proud owner after that.

___________________________________________________-

The coming week is going to be really hectic. Come again; when was there any distinction between my weeks? Who am I kidding...

There's going to be two weddings in the family, and boy am I excited!

Till I will my fingers to do the talking,
G

Don't bother to be in a friendship with me if you're going to scrutinize and criticize me every chance you get. I didn't ask for your opinion, and sure as hell I don't need it any other time.
Try accept people for who they are.

Racial Harmony Day

2010-07-24T08:33:00.000-07:00

Racial Harmony Day

21st July 2010
above Photo by Olivia :)

The first Racial Harmony Day celebrated with our new classmates (I still insist, because it's a special event)

Most of us were wearing our ethnic costumes, save for some who refused to :(

The guys looked great in their sherwanis (like honestly), and we girls looked, as usual, stunning. (:D)

Pictures serve as proof, alright!

One of the most memorable moments of the day was when during recess, Khadijah, who looked tres chic in her pink top with long, ruched sleeves and skinny jeans + heels, took someone's scarf (Fathin's I think) and draped it around her neck. Then Iffah said, "Now she looks like some Pakistani/Arabian woman." LMAO!

Phototaking was a blast, as usual. My opinion's that you should always have the most fun you can have during phototaking, cos that's what will capture all your smiles and happiness on that day. This from a really, REALLY SENTIMENTAL PERSON!

And thankyous to Ramez and Afiq (for having some of the most epic faces captured in 3E1's photographic history ever)

Ramez seems to be perfectly content with his life. :)

Another epic face.

And another.

Niceline!!

Adwin, Elvis, myself, Lina and Agustine. :)

Umaa!

Becksy!

Khadijah!

Iffah!!

____________________________-

I had a great time I suppose. Racial Harmony Day, to me, has always been a day of fun, and retardedness, no matter how upset I've been feeling.

Had fun with you guys, 3E1!!!

Love,

Animal - Monday, 12 July 2010

2010-07-12T07:21:00.000-07:00

Someone's giddy.

________________________________________

I reached school at 7, and walked into a darkened classroom ; honestly, we should leave the lights turned off like that. It's relaxing. :)

Rushed downstairs for duty, amused myself + annoyed my fellow councillors by singing randomly. Sorry jevelin, shu ting, zhi ning, could tell you guys were enjoying it :D

What we did during English was such a blooody change. We were actually doing expository essays, but I think what Mr Quake was probably giving the identified debaters in the class a taste of, well, debates. We had to work together in groups to come up with points. The motion was : Television affects today's society. (Or something to that effect.)

wesley was absent, so Iffah took his place, so she along with lina and afiq worked with me. It was fun, but I kept laughing at Afiq, because, it's just so damn easy to.

when it came to Iffah's and my turn to present, the whole class was still talking. And obviously I can't tolerate it. Not just when I am talking, when anyone is talking. Nearly lost my temper, the most I could do was 'Class, can you guys listen or not?' Well, that was pushing it, I guess.

Physics: Went thru notes w/ Mr Quake, did questions... what's new??

Maths : We all had wake-up calls, because Mrs Leong was really disappointed, should I say, with the number of people who had overdue homework. Well, I didn't hand my 4.6 up because I was stuck halfway at question 3(f). Asked her for help, got it done, and handed it up. Tres bien pour moi.

[EDIT: 16 July 2010]
I honestly forgot what happened after that.

Choked up.

2010-07-11T04:38:00.001-07:00

Its 7.29pm, and i am sitting on the dressing table counter, waiting for my phone to be charged. Thank god for moBlog + speedy fingers of mine + tactile HTC onscreen keyboard.

Sometimes, people ask us, "If you could go back in time and change your life, would you?" The politically-correct (read: default) answer would be "no, because if i did i wouldnt be where i am now." well, wherever THAT is.

But I wish I could. In fact, there are a lot of things that I wish I hadnt done. Like be too much of a disciplinarian in primary school than a completely-childish 8-year-old, bubbly and laughing all the times, breaking the rules whenever I could.

But maybe thats not too bad, because at least I still have a pretty solid set of values and I refuse to adhere to the saying that rules are meant to be broken.

When it comes to work, I wish procrastination wasnt my best friend. Its what has landed me in hot soup most of the time, struggling to meet deadlines. A lack of snacks to keep me going and others' negligence come a close second.

felt like pouring my thoughts out suddebly, thats why I just resorted to moblog instead of having to boot up my laptop.

It just struck me that when I was sad, last time, one of the first friends (besides family) I would sms for a healthy ranting session would be you. But now that we arent talking, by our own wills, there's a kind of void that i cant quite fill. Maybe you werent really listening to me or sincerely giving me advice all those months, but for all your help, in all its insincerity, man, I miss it. I miss those times.

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Whatever you say that I am, I am not.

2010-07-08T07:12:00.001-07:00

Thursday, 8th July 2010

I guess a lot of crap must have happened in the morning. Because I can't remember much of it, except that Wesley (who sits next to me in class) and I kept dropping our stuff (e.g. erasers, pens, papers) during Maths lesson.

After school, we had ILT from 2.25 to 3.15. (School now ends at 2.25pm on tuesdays, life is sweet.)

At 3.30, I had a meeting with Denise, Metiwan, Emmanuel and Wenzhong. It was for the QSE talks that we had to plan for the coming week. When I got to the councillor room, there were already a few people there. Then they were talking about something, but somehow it led to me. Then this person said something that seriously angered me:

___: We're the doers, she's the talker.
Other person in the room: What?
___: We're the doers, we do things. She's the talker, talk only.

I got really pissed off at the stereotyping. My first reaction was not to verbally retaliate or anything, because I was only in the first stage of retaliation: Staring at aforementioned person and trying to comprehend what he'd said.

But while it's not like me to use vulgarities of hokkien origin and use my 'dulcet' tones, I couldn't be without sticking up for myself and giving the person a piece of my mind. I mean, what's that supposed to mean? That I'm just some robot wh0, when given a script, will start speaking on command? That was the first time I've ever heard of that stereotype. I knew people already had this preconceived image of me being known for nothing else than public speaking and journalism.
There's actually nothing I can do about it. Because it's not good to prove yourself to people who think you're worth nothing to them. It's desperate.

And even to go onstage and speak, requires preparation and confidence. SUSO speakers, you guys know what I'm talking about. And for my part, as Head of Publicity, I've done the stuff I was delegated to, for Investiture, Youth Day, and whatever else the exco was involved in. Bottomline, to be able to voice out your thoughts, you have to know your stuff, and that means
doing stuff. Pretty obvious which of the two the person couldn't do.

It was a really callous thing of him to say. And I understand why he said that, it's probably because he can't speak properly? Says a lot. But in no way did I find it funny, and it is with a wry smile that I say I've inadvertently made an enemy. No worries though, he wasn't a nice person to start with.

Saturday, 10 July 2010

This coming week is going to be really busy, not just for me, but practically the entire sec 3 cohort.

Went to school to meet Denise, Met, Emm and Wenzhong for QSE. A whole lot of meetings have sprung from our discussion today, which makes the entire coming week packed to the brim.

mon : meeting
tues + wed : elearning day
wed : cca
wed: QSE meeting?
thurs : Farid, Sandra, Jevelin and I go onstage.
fri: ____
sat : meeting again i think.

oh, I've not mentioned remedials and other activities yet. Which is just as good my subconscious left them out.

Am burying my feelings within me, laughing and smiling whenever I can, because it's not very often I get to do that. It's taking a lot of restraint, but I'm pulling through.

SPORTS DAY was alright, I suppose. Half the pomp was taken out of the occasion because it wasn't celebrated together with National Day. Anyway, we had the usual events, the usual winners. But it was great cheering for them, even if we didn't have any part in their success, or didn't know them well. I'd like to mention Sean Timuari in particular, for being such an embodiment of perseverance. I was standing by the track, as part of media crew + reporting, so I witnessed at least the first 5 events up close.

I took Niceline along with me to help with reporting. Had to do so much walking across the entire stadium, to get to the starting point of the track to where my class was seated . The weather was just right I suppose. Cold and dreary in the early morning, sunny and merciless in the later part of the day.

Had fun with 3E1 as well, taking pictures, making fun of Afiq, camwhoring with Becky and friends, doing the crossword puzzles (I was literally spitting out the answers) and basically just stoning, because I was suddenly emo for some reason I can't quite put my paw on.

Check the pictures on FB :)

After the event, Niceline and I got driven back to school in Mr Wai's car. Mr Wai and Mrs Fong were talking about a really interesting topic. The subscription rates of the three telcos for the World Cup, which um, btw ends on the 11th? Niceline and I were practically sitting in silence, and I was resigned to miming California Girls in the backseat.

Got back to the art room

Sorted out Roving DV stuff with Isaiah (a.k.a. Kim Cheng Song) ->> return me my thumbdrive darling!

Talked to nasri + jingen + niceline + shafinah

cleaned the magazine table in the AR, fanned out the magazines a la The Devil Wears Prada
*quote* "Vogue is sacred." *unquote*

helped joel with his captions for his design comp entry

he helped me with partial fractions.

wrote 10 sentences of SS homework

Took a really weird video set to the tune of the DJ Shadow's Top Billboard Hits of 2009 Mash-up (put up the video nas)

Ate Canadian 241 courtesy of Mdm Maz

Drank a fourth of my weight in coke (just kidding)

Helped with sorting out entries sent in for Design Competition (c_n_r_t_s to .....)

Left school at 6;30pm.

Tomorrow's an early start. Have homework to rush. It's going to be a lazy sunday (hmm now HOW did I start that?!) because the video store won't be open, and I've work ATW to do...

But I have iceblue-coloured cotton candy to accompany me. Oh well.

Love,

Sparks Of Youth 2010

2010-07-08T04:54:00.000-07:00

SPARKS OF YOUTH 2010

Youth Day Celebrations :)

7 July 2010

Youth Day was great, well at least I left the hall feeling satisfied and happy :)

It was great being behind-the-scenes for ONCE, instead of always being the MC for the occasion. And i bet the audience loved it, because I've been appearing on stage, for like, what, twice in a week? (SUSO and Expresso! presentations)

Of course it was stressful backstage, the fan was always getting hogged and backstage was always crowded with people. Anyone who's been in this position should know I guess...having tripped up quite a number of times during rehearsal the previous day, we were all worried sick about the stage directions and whether everything was going right or not :)

Camwhoring backstage was fun too :) I snapped pictures of the performers from the back curtains, which was (uncharacteristically) daring of me. Oh yeah, and trying to take pictures of the backstage pa crew and certain performers proved, well...futile.

Anyway, Finale was fun I suppose. Cos I wasn't even bothered about how lame/crazy I was looking on stage. For the finale, all the performers and councillors danced to 'You Are The One Singapore.' Yep, THAT song by JJ Lin. It wasn't as bad as it turned out to be, everyone was having fun.

Thank you to everyone who helped and cooperated with the Student Council EXCO for the occasion! Check out the pictures on FB (mine, Benjamin's..)

Love,

(testing oi A cold Wednesday afternoon - testing out moblog

2010-06-23T02:22:00.001-07:00

Wednesday, 23rd June 2010

Like the gloves off a showgirl's arms

Like the yarn off a spool

Like the wrapper off a sweet

Like the jacket off a book

Like the streaker from a muddy pool

Like the phone from its packaging

Like a prude in nirvana

Like the layers in digital imaging

What's holding us back?

What's keeping us one and the same?

What's stopping us from expressing ourselves?

What's leaving us all with the same last nane?

- G.K

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seven pounds. and a whole lotta emotional baggage.

2010-06-18T07:05:00.000-07:00

APACHES :)
Ngee Ann Poly Youth Leaders' Camp
15-17th June 2010

FIRSTLY, I WOULD LIKE TO SAY that this blog post, written exactly 2 FREAKING MONTHS ago, was inspired by Matt Liu, one of our SLs (student leaders) from Youth Leaders Camp, which I just returned from on Thursday. Well, I read his blog, and the very honest, bare way in which he wrote, the rambling he indulged in, and his long sentences just made me want to start writing all over again. He has inspired me a lot more than the aforewritten sentences have let on, but I believe in thanks, first and foremost.

So, thank you, Matthew.

As to what deterred me from writing these two months, well, it was the time constraint. To blog, is a BIG effort on my part, because it involves a lot of my energy, and a lot of recalling. I'm not exaggerating. And besides, a lot has happened in the past two months, in march, may and june notably.

In March, I made a really difficult decision. It was terrible in the sense that I was forcing myself to be cold-hearted, and arrogant. On the other hand, I felt that I was standing up for myself, and refusing to apologise to the wrong people for the wrong reasons. Besides, it really hurt when I was expected to patch up and act as if nothing went wrong, when I hadn't done anything at all. I'm still not doing anything about the situation, and neither is the other party involved. I am appalled by their egos, and their sheer steadfastness in refusing to apologize.

It was made even worse by the fact that we were really thick friends, and we did a lot for each other, in the emotional sense. But when I come to realise that maybe, it wasn't sincere, don't even get me started.

I don't think we can ever go back to that, because this time, I'm not ready to be fooled.

It's true that I'd go to any length for my friends, and go all out for them. The true, loyal ones will vouch for that, go ask them. But when I did, and only to find out that they didnt feel the same way towards me, hurts worser than..well, the hurt of the worst kind.

I've had enough of it. And I'm standing by my decision.

April and May were whirlwinds. They fell in Term 2, which was probably the first most hectic period of time, preparation for the MYEs. For me, and i'm sure for a lot of other people, they were really difficult months. Ive always done my best for my studies, which is why I'm at least managing to keep my head above the water. However, these past few months, I've definitely not been the conscientious student my teachers have described me as. I guessed I pushed my luck when I shouldn't have.

Besides, a lot of dilemmas were hitting me all at once. Who doesn't have their troubles, aye?
But we all wear different shoes, if you get my drift.

And as I sit here, on the 21st of June, with the afternoon sun pouring through my windows, I'm fretting about

(a) The fact that there's only one miserable week for the holidays to end.

I don't want to make this worse by making some wee innuendo about this on Facebook, but there is nothing that can be done. All good things must come to an end. And I think I've joined the bandwagon of slackers. Because I've not completed my homework, am down to 60% of it.

(b) My throat is giving me a REAL good time.

It's all inflamed again, and it's rendering it really hard for me to speak. And my head hurts, and it's not just from the thinking. I hate this.

(c) I have yet to settle plans with my friends and family.

We're talking impromptu trips across the Causeway with my cousin's family. I'm talking a combined lunch outing with my juniors to make up for not being able to celebrate their birthdays. (I know what it feels like, for 2009 and 2010, my birthday fell on the day of the release of O Level results; how would you like to go running around and getting stressed up with some media crew people?)

I'm also talking about meeting up with my two great friends, Nivedha and Sailesh. I mean, we really have to get together and talk our hearts out.

Not forgetting you Portia! I am tweeting to you as I write this! Hopefully Borders will be fine when/if we go there, and the books will all have dried (assuming of course, they were not unscathed in the floods)

I sound like a total jackass.

and....

(d) The days of pure, unadulterated sloth are over.

I loved those days. Those days, when I would wake upside down on my bed, and heave a huge sigh of relief, that I have absolutely no plans for the day. Nothing. Zilch.

Merde.

However, on a lighter note, I've observed that there's a lot of love going around on Facebook, and it feels great to be on both the receving and giving ends.

So, shoutouts to:

My cousin (Geetz)
Niceline
Jolene
Isabelle Ong
Saferah
Iffah
Wenkai
Thilagan
Jerrold
Portia (on twitter)
and Iqbal (for waxing lyrical about beef)

AND TO ALL THE APACHES, CAMPERS, SLs and BUKIT VIEWANS WHO MADE THE CAMP TRULY SPECIAL.

Thank you guys :)

It feels great to blog again, and I'd feel even better if my ears weren't feeling as if they're being pounded by gavels.

It feels great to have the words pouring out, and my fingers flying over the keyboard a mile a minute.

It really does.

Non de regrette rien.

2010-04-19T03:12:00.000-07:00

"I don't know who you think you are, but making people scared won't get you very far."

I hate to rub it in even further, but yeah, MYEs are about 10 days away.

And I'm not even going to talk about revision.

March/April..

these months have been a whirlwind.

And I know this post is waaaayyyy overdue, but i believe in thanks.

What do you expect?

It's that time of the year, when everyone's caught up in getting prepped up for Speech Day (which was a blast, btw) and the sec 3s are trying to adjust to upper sec life (which is a pain in the arse, btw)

This year, for Speech Day, we had Ramez, Celine Chian and myself, along with Nice Celine, Nithiya, Shafinah, Jerrold and Saiful. Had a great time with them. But it ended all too quickly. So many rehearsals, and reconfirming of scripts, looking for teachers, dancing to Oteyawakani backstage, trading barbs, arguments, talking, getting high,

HECK. I'm gonna miss all the good times. It was all over in 3 hours.

So this is a little shoutout...

SHAFINAH
Aha, the K-pop maniac. You looked stunning, and very statuesque yesterday, like you actually always do!! Thank you for being so co-operative, and you were really alert, and professional, for a first-time MC. Kudos to you for that, and hope you go far!

JERROLD
(deep voice) Yes, Jerrold.
Haha, you're one of the few people who have a voice deeper than mine, which is freaky! Thank you for your conscientious, and your attitude (really, you being serious helped, you weren't being too dramatic or irritating to the rest of the MCs and the teachers)

STELLA
ah..she of the beautiful hair..great job, dear! Hope you get more exposure, cos don't waste your talent!

SAIFUL
Bet you had fun fussing with your hair and make-up....haha glad you had the chance, and great job!

CELINE CHIAN and RAMEZ
2nd-time emcees..it feels great to go on this ride again, dear! Looking forward to next year man!!!! Rock on, you two!!

NICE CELINE and NITHIYA
You guys were really great, all of us could tell from the rehearsals. Had so much fun with you guys, hope you build on your experience ;) Mini-lady gaga forever ;)

Ms Ang, Ms Purana, Ms Wu, Ms Cheong, Ms Ong
I'm not sure if you're reading this, but thank you for co-operating with all of us emcees, no matter how difficult we are, or whatever problems we gave you (i really hope not, but there are exceptions). And Ms Purana, thanks for making us laugh with your comments and being so nice as to cut out our individual segments of our scripts and collate them so neatly for the seven of us. Oh and getting lunch for us on the last day of rehearsal (Wednesday). Ms Ang, Ms Wu, Ms Cheong and Ms Ong, thank you for bearing with my reconfirming and re-reconfirming of the script and everything.
I remember myself asking Ms Wu if it the wet-weather segment was confirmed, and then she went, on the walkie-talkie, "Ms Ong, is the wet-weather confirmed? (in an undertone) What a dumb question!"

So the day went pretty much,
at 10.20am, we heard doors slamming everywhere, cos most classes were going home. Some of the sec 3 classes were stuck in class, including 3E1. We had emaths lesson, and an amaths test. Merde.
I only got a cab home at 11.45am, and I remember before getting into the cab, Sandhiya was smiling at me..;_;

Went home, lunched, got dressed, cabbed and met Jineshree at 1.20pm. We went to the backstage dressing room, did my make-up and hair, and then met the rest of the emcees outside the staffroom. Shortly after, Stella and Celine Chian came in, looking like twins! Seriously, matching heels, matching colour of cheongsam and top respectively, matching eyes..

Fast forward,

of course, there was a lot of stress involved backstage. What with the heat, and anxiety. It's to do with precision, and remembering your cues.

At the reception, I was trying my best to take pictures with people I had to. Well thank god I did, except for teachers. :(

A plea. I hope this is some sort of catharsis.

2010-03-22T06:29:00.000-07:00

It's that time.

It's that time when you can't decide what to do with yourself.

It's that time when you realise you've been living your life without a clue.

It's that time when you feel like a complete wh--- (pardon the word) for talking too much,
wanting too much, looking at too much, giving yourself away too much.

I'm watching my life slip away through the cracks of my fingers, like the gloves off a showgirl's arms.

While I am standing with my back against the wall.

If only I was detached from my body,

looking down on myself, looking down on the things I do, say, thought about

the stares I gave

the glances I threw

the tears I shed

the pillows I soaked

Of course I can't have everything in the world

But there was a time where I couldn't care anymore

Of course my steadfast belief in maintaining decorum still lies within

But I began to break tradition as I moved into my teens

I stopped caring about propriety,
in terms of language.

I started getting into dilemmas

or rather allowing myself to have them

I started thinking more

worrying
more

building good friendships with some people

and getting deeply hurt by them as well

Perhaps this gives people who can't be bothered to know me well before passing redundant judgement, a little insight into why I am the way I am.

When you give so much to people, you expect that same level from them, or in some cases, nothing.

So,
before the ones you used to trust lose their trust in you

open up to them.

don't leave them in the lurch by pretending they're not there.

who knows, they could have been tired of being broken down repeatedly by your ignorance, and decided not to talk to you.

Then what's the meaning of your friendship?

The meaning of those chain-mail, friendship-cherishing messages?

A friendship that strong is definitely NOT worth giving up on.

I hope you guys understand what I mean.

This note is to anyone who is undergoing any sort of difficulty, emotionally and physically.

I'm not going to say Take it easy.

I'm not going to say Chill.

I'm not going to say Move On With Life.

Just let it out. Scream. Do something that involves anything but tantrums. I hate tantrums. I don't think I've ever thrown one in my life, ever.

I find it quite ironic that I keep mentioning the topic of changing attitudes and perceptions, especially in the recent Student Councillors' Envisioning Camp 2010, but find myself unable to bring it about in my own life and those of others.

Like the great poet Maya Angelou said (I also wrote this in my camp reflection), if you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.

I'm not going to tell you to stop whining like a spoilt brat on steroids.

It is human to do so, and i'm not going to contradict myself by saying it's wrong.

But while you can, while you have the willpower and the support from within YOURSELF to do so, CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE.

It's not too late.

I hope this note served as some sort of emotional release to you, to anyone out there. You're not alone, and this boat is being shared by almost everyone, believe it or not.

To err is human. Try to accept some things for what they are, some people for who they are.

Stay strong, my friends.

gowri k.

2010-03-08T03:27:00.000-08:00

Hey guys!

WELL,

We won Cheer Comp!

Sec 3 champion. :D

My day started off at 7.30am, where I got ready and everything and hauled myself to CCK, for my piano exam. Nerves of course, took a toll on me. I seriously wanted to go to the toilet even though that need was already fulfilled. Honestly, i find it uncanny that no matter how many years of undergoing piano exams, you still get the heebie-jeebies. Anyway, the examiner was very nice, she was very genial to me, so much so that I found myself smiling for no apparent reason.

Scales, pieces, sight reading and aural done, I left, and wolfed down my prawn fritters, in record time. Make that HOT (as in oven-hot) prawn fritters with CHILLI sauce. (the MOS staff was stingy with the tomato)

Trained to BB interchange with mum, then ran all the way to school (without mum) in the heat. Got to class, door was locked, left my stuff outside, took my shades/headband, and got to the hall. *smiles*

Had a lot of fun during the competition, both watching the other classes and cheering along with them. Thanks a lot to all the 3E1-ians!! Rock on!!!!

Check out the pictures on FB!

love,

AND THEN SHE APOLOGISED....

2010-03-07T03:29:00.000-08:00

"There's someone I forgot to be." - George Michael, 'Freedom'

Dear everyone and anyone who bothers to read this,
I apologise from the bottom of my heart for not updating.

Somewhere, somehow, the drive to blog was what I'd lost.

Really, it was just too much to condense and write. Besides, I wasn't writing a lot of confessional poetry, cos I gave up on writing out my feelings, in my blog or on paper. I just talked it out or bottled it up.

Anyway, here I am, on the 7th of March, not even supposed to be online, cos I've to do some more practice for my music exam tomorrow.

And as I'm explaining to Iffah now, I hope I can make it to school before Cheer Comp starts, at 11.15am. Have to cab, no choice, but still, it's been a while since I've had the feeling of rushing froom place to place, so you can say that I'm kind of, taking pleasure from 'pain', sorta.

Thanks Iffah, for the hope!

We 3e1 girls have to do our hair up, in line with our Retro class theme. Cue shades, cue bouffant hair. Can't wait!!! I'm really hyped up for this, cos at least (a)we'll be having fun (b)I'll be having fun and (c)We'll be going one step forward to becoming more bonded if we win. RIGHT?

On a heavier note...
Things have not been going that smoothly, intrapersonally, interpersonally and academically speaking. I mean, there are probably people who are smiling from ear to ear as they're reading this, but let's just say it's (a)part and parcel of sec 3 life and (b)something that's been as permanent in my life as my eyebrows.

"I'll live a long life, even through this cloud of exhaust."

I swear, Beck is a genius. Check 'Nausea' out.
(except for that Timebomb song, which started off with an expletive.
Don't listen...oh, there you go.)

Well these months have been full of awesome discoveries, and friendship, and more importantly conversations. There's nothing like a a heart-to-heart conversation to T H R A S H things out, as I've learned in these months. Nothing beats being frank and open with people, albeit people who respect and accept you for who you are.

anyway,
as a parting shot,
good luck to everyone for tomorrow's Cheer Competition!

3e! ftw :D

with love and defiance,
gowri k

this note will be posted on FB as well!

2010-01-14T02:12:00.000-08:00

(from top): Lina's birthday card, the ELDDS peeps's keychain, Sailesh's picture montage and voucher, as well as Nivedha's and Fathin's paper holder.

14TH JANUARY 2010

Hey people.

I actually have a reason for blogging, even in the midst of my exhaustion.

I wanna thank everyone and anyone who's wished me a very happy fifteenth, and made my Tuesday.

So, I'm scrolling through the posts on my wall as they come...and my smses as well...and my adulterated memory...

(note: i'm not taking any cues from Fathihah, rest assured :)

ON FB:

Geetzcuz

Basyar

Praval

Pamela

Fowziya

Valerie

Anthony

Shafarie

Iqbal

Benjamin

Jocelyn

Weiyang (woahhh...)

Pei Qi

Olivia

Humairah

Fredric

Isaiah

Joel

Azwan

Billie

Jolene

Isabelle

Fatin

Naufal

Karin

Shazni

JinGen (tho I'm not sure that's what he meant)

Kate

Haniff

Bhavana

via SMS:

My family (my mum, dad, sis, cousins, aunt and uncle!!)

Khaliesa

Jason

Basyar

Nivedha

In person:

Fathin and Nivedha (in place of a cake, they at least got me a muffin, placed a candle in it, and told me to blow it out! I was so touched! Thanks guys!!!)

The 3E1 people:

Jamie, Khadijah, Iffah, Olivia, Agustine, Lina, Sandhiya, Devaki, Ivy

well basically a lot of my classmates wished me, as well as my ex-classmates! 2E3 will never be forgotten, even though it was a politically-driven environment!

People whom I didn 't even know wished me. So did the new Sec 1s who came for eldds, cos unfortunately some people couldn't keep it low-profile (thanks, Nas :P)

Yesterday, I held meetings for both the senior media crew (to discuss the O Level duties), as well as for the (unconfirmed) sec 1s. In short, I did a lot of talking.

Then, I went off to watch the ELDDS dance practice in the hall.

Had a lot of fun dancing with Bridget, Nivedha and Billie.

And don't Bridget and Nivea forget THAT DANCE ROUTINE! *ahem*

*I'm praying for Khal to be alright. I feel your pain, babe. We all do, rest assured, we''ll always be there for you.

OTW from school, the ELDDS peeps (Jason, Nasri, Basyar, Cheng Ying..) suddenly decided to break into a belated birthday song for me, and I had fun singing just one word in it: "yesterday".

And for the present as well. It was so thoughtful of you. Thank you guys so much, you rock.

ELDDS people ( sec 2s/3s/4s) thank you for the wishes especially during the auditions for the sec 1s (grrrr....sorry, I'd to halt you.) Love you people.

____________________________________________________-

Well, my birthday wasn't all smiles, as in for the whole day. There was so much pent-up anxiety over something, but only a few of you guys know what happened. Thank you for your kind words.

We're made for this.

And like you told me, it's a test.

A test of my perseverance.

with love and defiance,

renoir

2009-12-23T23:44:00.000-08:00

crazy things i've done/might consider doing

1. uploading songs of only one artist to my ipod and listening to them for a month.

2. danced in public

3. pushed someone on purpose and then laughed about it, and then told them to pass it on

4. wearing a scarf in hot weather

anyway,

i returned from Batam on Tuesday, by the way.

It was pretty eventful, considering the fact that I had a totally, out-of-this-world, excruciating foot massage, and I went bowling and striked/struck..

it was pretty much like any other holiday, i suppose.

there were lots of cats around the resort. :)

due to some clearance issues, i may not even be able to put up pictures, very sadly.

adios, with love and defiance,

2009-12-11T07:44:00.000-08:00

everyone has
obsessions

about
food
music
happiness
finding the right person (for some people)
gaming
being the best
being fake
THEMSELVES

Janet Jackson

anyone who's been close to me knows how terribly obsessed i am with this woman. owing much to the fact that she's the first artiste whose songs i share a personal connection with.

(reference: "You", "I Get Lonely", "Scream")

i mean, you're probably wondering what happened to Amy Winehouse. Of course i love her voice, always will. never heard anything like it, and as for Billie Holiday comparisons, GAG ME.

I'll never get tired of Janet's voice. it's the type of voice you'd listen to on a rainy evening, or a sleepless night.

The lyrics are bound to strike a chord with anyone. Janet, from what her sources say about her, has been through a lot. A lot doesn't seem to encompass WHAT actually. Considering the fact that she's part of one of the most successful musical families of all time, she was also raised with the same brutality her brothers (the famous five) and sisters went through.

before you start to think this reads like a Wikipedia article, let me get back to the topic. Listen to her songs, you'll love her. Watch her music videos, you'll revere her. enough said.

i've explained one,
explain yours.

[to be edited.]

edgar allan poe.

2009-12-11T01:04:00.000-08:00

perhaps i should just make another trip to the library.

the variety of books is more, in Singaporean terms, cheem than the one in West Mall.

Seriously, I was looking for The Bell Jar, but it was on loan. Which made me wonder,"How many people actually like this book?"

badly need that book.

am in dire need of proper, verbose, solid literature.

will be off to batam in another 10 days or so.

and as mother told me during lunch,

"There are 20 days left to the end of the year. Nothing more, nothing less, dear."

it got me thinking.

the year is gonna be over soon.

and what a year it has been.

full of joy, pain, euphoria, tears, discovery, mixed feelings, whatnot.

personally, i feel like i have a lot to say about this year, but i just find it so hard to put it in words because of the magnitude of all of it.

hoepfully, i'll find the words, and the hope, and the willingness to exhume the memories.

what do you have to say about this year?

with love, and defiance,

2009-12-09T20:26:00.000-08:00

I'M TAKING TO blogger for this.

i think a lot of misunderstandings and hurt could be avoided, if people, IF PEOPLE HAD THE DARN GUTS to stand up and voice out their concerns. i mean, why be friends when you can't be comfortable in talking to each other? you'd might as well not.

What if what we see or seem,

Is but a dream within a dream?

free-ation

2009-11-20T23:36:00.000-08:00

I need time to heal. I hope I'm given the chance. I keep staring at my phone, waiting for some message from someone, anyone.

But there's always nothing. just one pathetic, loveless, meaningless browser message that doesn't mean a thing. my friends are...i don't quite know. it is hard to put what i'm going through in words. but i bet you people are rejoicing or something. haven't you a heart?

i'm sapped, drained of energy and the will to hope, and live. i've exhausted my tear ducts, but the tears are imminent. i'm burying my pain.

you didn't even tell me you were going off somewhere. now what am I supposed to think? feel? that i don't mean anything to you? yes, i know.

'm sick of my wounds being ripped open and left to bleed, over and over again. and they heal as quickly as they are caused.

just to - what, lull me into a false sense of security?

i don't want to be insomniatic. because if this keeps up, i may end up having problems sleeping. sitting cross-legged on your bed is

nothing short of frightening, and mysterious. in a very, very abnormal way.

i learnt that like money, you can only give kindness and not expect anything in return.

i don't see the point of being nice and trying to change incorrigible people. i used to do that, and what a fool I've been.

talk about being remembered for nothing at all. finally, you jst get reduced to a normal human being, cruel and shallow like everyone else.

you don't understand what you've lost until you've lost it.

it just comes crashing down on me.

2009-11-19T20:53:00.000-08:00

i just don't know what to do with myself.

it's a friday, and i noticed that it's on fridays that things just start to go wrong. it's not due to my attitude, honestly who wants to look forward to a friday with the idiotic belief that it's gonna be horrible?

im trying not to be upset (read: break down) and ruin things even more. i don't even want to talk much. but i have to, because certain people, being insensitive and demanding, will force me to, and throw a hissy fit if i don't.

i'm just trying to find happiness in talking to the people I care about, and who do similarly for me.

the wind is howling. and i'm trying very, very hard not to give in to my feelings. it is cold. the harsh wind just reaches inside me and sets my insides on icy fire. im numbing the pain.

i need to swaddle myself in jackets,

about vanity, and the psyche. well my psyche really. PLS BUY CATALOGUE MAGAZINE!! YOU WON'T REGRET IT!!!

2009-11-16T02:27:00.000-08:00

today, i went to school to give back a few forms, and also collect my Literature hol assignment (YAY LIT!)

after that, i went to Mac with ____. we talked, well i kinda did most of the talking and laughing, but i swear, i could have done it forever, because it really was fun. and i think today was when we truly learnt something about each other.

i left the place feeling drained, sad, but glad for some reason, cos we had reached some kind of closure. i mean, you just have to let go of some things. and you have to kill some emotions when you realize they're in vain.

still thinking...and all the time, my heart hurts, like it always does, when i think about something sad, or frightening, or ominous.

life goes on.

and on the other hand,

there are a lot of things to look forward to, like going out with friends (how i have ABSOLUTELY missed you guys) and getting my books on friday.

talk about planning clothing ensembles. do you believe in marshmallows?

do you believe in vanity?

besides,

taking good care of how you look and compulsively checking every inch of yourself is NOT vanity, it's self-liking.

and it also shows that you are respecting the people around you, by going the extra mile to make sure you look presentable. shows that you think they're worth YOUR time.

and as the title says, buy catalogue magazine! it's one of the best magazines in the world, i swear!

thoughts?

with much love, and defiance,

you can't blame nobody but you.

2009-11-15T01:01:00.000-08:00

HEYHEYHEY!!!!

just finished updating the previous post.

OPI OPI revlon heretoday, aragorn tomorrow OPI, cream blazer, studded long tee from E-style headphones from audiotechnica or sennheiser studded black clutch from Vana hot pink converse sneakers gold rings gold earrings black stockings block heels ipod touch 32gb lemon sorbet more black pencil skirts grey knit throwovers herve leger-esque dresses swatch jewellery new clean pop-art deco stationery going out with friends

weeelllllll.

in a very confused mood nowadays...have been that way since monday...and oh what a lovely mood it is for poetry and for dark, deep ramblings i used to post on facebook..they didn't make sense but people loved the analogies...and so do i...

who knew that i could spew such verbosity? honestly.
i guess that's what happens when you've been through so much and you develop a sort of attitude that is complex, and intriguing, but dark and disturbing at the same time. to the point that people say you're weird, and that you think too much. but this is you, and that is, well, them.

with much love, and manners,

the body that loves you - janet jackson

2009-11-13T00:59:00.000-08:00

Weeellll...

i know this is seriously late, but still, i have to write about it.

The PSL-Student Councillor Induction Camp 2009 was on the 6th and 7th of nov, last fri and saturday. boy, it was one of the best camps ever. id say it ties for first place, along with this year's march Stadium camp.

I was part of the planning committee, and my group was led by Valerie and Hannan, whom i must admit, are wonderful, absolutely lovely people, with not a bad bone in their bodies. more on that later.

we didnt have a lot of time to plan, say 3 weeks. but that sufficed, cos our group had a lot of efficient and most importantly, RESOURCEFUL people who stepped up to the plate to get everything done quickly. i did my part by noting everything down..and printing out the picture clues and whatnot, and Fright Night OH FRIGHT NIGHT

yeah, so naufal, shazni and I were in charge of icebreakers. it was a fiasco, nearly, cos we were playing Superstar, and suddenly the game started even without us knowing, or the superstars revealed themselves too quickly. or the wrong superstars were running around. that kind of thing. it was a bit weird, but still somehow all the other members of the committee stepped in and salvaged the situation (thanks guys!)

oh well. after that, the poor sec1s (and a few sec2s) had to sit in the lecture theatre and listen to this guy give a REALLY INSPIRING TALK (can you smell the sarcasm here) about leadership. i seriously pitied them. i mean, we were in the same situation just a year ago, so i felt their pain. and besides, it was the same vendor! touche, i tell you.

meanwhile, group A was setting up the amazing race..which turned out to be quite fun. well, i was with jia hern and amanda, manning the 3d spiderweb. well, we just wound about practically 3m worth of clothesline around the four poles outside the front gate of the ISH to make a really warped spiderweb, through which the team members have to crawl through to get to the other side.

and something to do with a walkie talkie and Basyar looking down from the top floor of the ISH happened, but am not gonna talk about that :P

but it was really fun..and we got the teams to sing songs as forfeits...oh gosh it was really funny!

but the songs got a bit predictable, darn.

anyways,

glen and I were running from the dance studio and downstairs just to look for the key. and then i got a moment to myself in the dance studio..well of course i was dancing, what else..anyone who hasn't had the studio to themselves should pray hard they really get a chance..it's a very liberating experience. you'll surely meditate in less than 5 mins in the studio.

anyway, we spent our time in the dance studio ripping apart plastic bags to paste on the mirrors, cos we wanted to create a kind of church-ey atmosphere in the dance studio. i remember when hannan, valerie, glen and I went, more like burst into the DS, hannan and i immediately starting acting like retards, jumping around the DS acting like monkeys and finally falling on the floor. talk about freeing your mind...

THEN, we changed into dark-coloured clothes, and i brought out my eyeliner. i mean, the three of us (glen, jia hern and I) planned to do a sort of ghost-storytelling thing. then it evolved (thanks to me) to some i-can-see-things mystic woman kind of one-woman show. god, i had fun. but it involved a lto of technicalities. i know you guys are probably sick of me mentioning this, but im a loyal advocate of giving credit where it's deserved. the station wouldn't have been half as scary without glen's wily tricks with the chairs, straws and wooden boards, and jia hern's great timing (slamming of cupboards). seriously, even i was shocked. both at the sudden noise, and at the precise (or was it accidental) timing.

so,

back to the eyeliner

i knew exactly what i wanted to do, once i wielded that black wand. so off i went, painting friezes and designs along my right eyebrow, down along my right cheek and below my chin, and below my eyelids, to make it look as if i was crying blood. CHECK OUT THE PIX ON FACEBOOK. I looked terrible, and "disgusting", as one of my beloved friends said, but HONEY, THAT WAS THE EXACT REACTION I WANTED!

and natthawut, thank you so much, seriously. you rock. and i mean it.

basically, what i did was, just lay down some ground rules before i began, which meant i was speaking as GOWRI, not as unnamed-mystic-woman. and then i began to tell utterly lameass stories..i mean, they weren't exactly meant to scare people, they were only meant to SHOCK. GET IT? just shock them, and make them FEEL UNEASY. that's all there was to it.

as such, i was in the middle of telling a tale about a pregnant teenager who hung herself from a hook in her bedroom ceiling in her paya lebar home, and i was coming to the part that there was black blood dripping from the hook, and then i started having convulsions and i fell on the floor screaming like a banshee.

note: in a few cases, i practically fell on the team members, themselves.

so yeah, i did the aforementioned to the last group which came in, and they weren't expecting it, cos they were laughing at me. and when i did fall on them, they ran out of the DS screaming. i'm not exaggerating at all.

as soon as the last team had passed thru our station, we set to cleaning up the DS, which was a really arduous task. what with all the crushed up paper, and tables and whatnot.

anyway, when glen, jia hern and I went into the LT, where everyone was gathered. when we went in
everyone started cheering for us, and flashing their torchlights all over the walls...it was crazy...

anyway,

we camp organisers pretty much had the freedom to sleep anywhere, and stay up as late as we wanted. valerie, hannan, randy, isaac, mandy, khaeruddin, isabelle, farid, weiyang, kie yan and myself (sorry if i left your name out) were in the canteen..then at around 11/12-ish, we changed and practically slacked around the canteen..farid, weiyang and ad-wine went to teh parade square to see stars, i remember...then at around 2/3-ish, valerie,hannan, randy, isabelle and I were talking and laughing our lungs out about stuff....i still remember all our lameass jokes about ris low, randy!! and i laughed so hard at some points that i twisted my belly button! wth! and hannnan was biting his sleeping bag to keep from laughing... I miss all of them badly..all the good times are flashing through my brain..well you know what i mean, right?

well, i slept at 4.20am, and woke up at 5.50am. we started off the day with a game of captain's ball, which was really fun. during one of the games, i happened to be the one catching the ball, and i made a huge mistake, i let out a really loud shout/grunt. a cross between a shout and grunt. it totally shocked me, considering how loud it was. haha..people were laughing i think...but i do that all the time during badminton as well..

*if there's anyone who thinks i'm a two-bit drama queen, think again. that type of shouting came naturally. take your opinions somewhere else, really.

then naufal took over the commentary for the next games ("Chao Yong, Chao Yong!") and we all had a whale of a time, laughing like hell. hurt my stomach again.

during area cleaning,

isabelle and I had to go and look for mops and everything, cos there weren't any in the toilets..how lovely. but our team members were being great sports..although they were quite playful...

after that, we had a group photo taking session..check the pix if you haven't..(my gosh, that is slow)...then i stopped over @ mac with val, isaac, randy and benjamin and a few others for a drink..

seriously,

the whole camp was a success, due to all of our attitudes, i feel. despite not having a lot of time to plan the camp. miss my group members.

till now, i'm still replaying the events of those two days...i made new friends, and learnt a lot of things. well, things as in, the intrapersonal sense and interpersonal sense...

love,

opulence. exaggeration. verbosity. and things that don't make sense.

2009-11-12T05:38:00.000-08:00

visions beckon,

a dreamless sleep

to fall into

as endless as a well

as dark as confusion

as deep as hell

as furious as fire

as only time can tell

we'll have to wait

and see the outcome

come what may

lips pressed together firmly

forming a line parallel with her eyebrows

crossing her fingers

debating her fates

weighing her chances

ploughing through it all

anticpating

the

arrival

of the two paramours

rejection has been too painful to bear

happiness, and deep pining

envisioning what may happen

and what may not

ramblings and spewed wisdom forth

borne of a troubled mind

too bruised a heart

for too young an age

too ripe an imagination

for too vast a brain.

love,

gowri k

2009-11-11T02:00:00.000-08:00

DEARS!

FOES!

FRIENDS OR ENEMIES!!

IT IS POSITIVELY LOVELY TO BE BACK, ALIVE AND KICKING AS I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN!

(in my dreams, anyway..)

typing into the familiar box, with the blue border above it, makes me realize how much i've missed blogging. i just wasn't in the mood.

i mean, we all have our moods, right?

especially you, you, and you in that hideous blue jumper.

so much has happened in the time that i've been away. imean, it's the holidays now, 11th november to be exact. and positively, most absolutely life-changing things are about to happen shortly.

and they have.

ahhhh....my VERY IRREVERENT style of blogging is still present. that is really lovely to hear of.

i've been discovering new people, and new attitudes, and new beliefs and they have certainly opened my mind up and changed MY attitude and mindset about certain issues.

and anyway, thankfully this is gonna be uploaded automatically to FB, so i won't have to worry about reiterating my point and sounding like a broken record.

hopefully, i will be able to put time aside for blogging, because oh my how ive missed it.

there will be less pictures and videos (and anyway, when have i ever had the inclination to post videos, which take centuries to load??) but still, chunks and chunks of text that will hopefully make you think and reflect. i am, after all, an irreverent shrew with a lot to say.

please leave your links if you wanna be l--ked, that's linked, by the way.

would you believe my heart rate has increased?! am not kidding.

love,

2009-10-28T01:45:00.000-07:00

your words are my strength, and you know it.

however i'm holding onto them,

they're all i have left.

Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting 'round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me.

where will i go?

where does this path lead to?

what will tomorrow bring me?

what does the future hold?

2009-08-14T21:06:00.000-07:00

The taste of milo is still fresh in my mouth.

that's what i had for breakfast.

i refused to eat nutella because I didn't have gardenia/sunshine bread, it was some other kind.

so went to the kitchen, and retrieved a milo carton, dancing around triumphantly with my trophy proudly displayed. ok, so the dancing part wasn't true, but speak about human rights!

crack my head, drink my blood. i thought of that, so you must have guessed my mental state.

2009-08-11T04:03:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAC81P9U-jM

Eternal Flame by The Bangles.

after one of our after-school trips to west mall, mum brought me home in a cab. i still remember the dehydrated smell of the cab seats, leaning my head against them, with this song playing on the radio.

one of the best songs ever to walk the face of this earth.

gosh,
where do I start?

today i suppose.

i just heard the words turkish delight, on a moonlit night.
ok, random.

came back from piano lessons at 6-ish.
i still remember trudging home. the bag hanging off from one of my shoulders. my eyes threatening to shut of their own accord. my head spinning. me meowing at a black cat, which was behind a fence.

me being in a bad mood. my head still spinning. falling into bed once my hair was down.
i'm just rambling on and on. like i told celine chian today, i tend to do things i'm not supposed to when im pissed. like today, i was supposed to leave school after looking for teachers, and i waited at a table with celine and nasri for no apparent reason. (well, actually there was..and it was all too apparent..)

we said nothing more, nothing less.
what have we come to?
i'm pissed off with this change, and i don't even want to go into what brought it on.
don't want to.

i really need earphones. headphones.whatever that sends music to my ears.

today was so...sighhh...
came to school at 7.30am..looked for joanne twice...
cos i'd councillor duty with her, and that's what i do every wednesday.
look for joanne.
anyway,
she came later.

so a lot of people sat with me and talked, fatin was as usual spouting nonsense and i did the same with her..i mean it's liberating to be with her kind of, you kinda leave your body and your mind and your senses, i think.

and surprisingly, i have no idea how this happened, but i managed to get saferah and cheng ying to sit with me. at that time, saferah was coming into school, and cheng ying was walking towards us from the other side of the general office. who would've thought.

anyhaus,
sat and talked to them, my two wonderful seniors. it's been a long time, especially saferah, who is one of the purest people you can find around.

i managed to survive the day, i mean it's tough when you have a lot of things at the back of your mind...

he wants to reach out a hand
wants to tell her it's alright
she turns away, not knowing
he watches her face fall into lines of misery

her mouth curl at the sides
her forehead wrinkle
her brows contract
queer he notices so much in such little time

she smiles, putting up a front
after,
her smile falls
like a marionette
with its strings cut

she watches for him at the window
her neck in a permanent twitch
her back in a permanent curvature
till this heartache is over with.

she's dying to pour it all out
but held back by the gates of emotion
of what may happen
of what may not

cut me open, she says
see me bleed,
watch the entrails spill out
till I disintegrate
come, she beckons
light my pyre
point out the way
get it over with.

- g.k.

things are so complicated now.
my god.
what have i come to?

AHHH no. i've started to spell words on the bus.

2009-08-07T07:38:00.000-07:00

1. Are you single or attached?
♥ attached to Jolene Liow Yang Lin and cheating on her as well.

2.Do you have a person you like?
♥ tons man.

3. What is the name of the person that you're in love with?
♥ Michael Joseph Jackson.

4. if the person you love and your mum dropped into the sea,who will you save?
♥ i can't answer this.

5.Have you ever hugged someone before?
♥ yeah.

6. Do you love your parents?
♥ pffft YEAH!?!?

7.Will you hug the one you love
♥ MUAHAHAHA. "upside down, boy, you're turning me."

8.Are you willing to do anything for your boyfriend/girlfriend?
♥ if i get one. which probably will be never, due to society.

9Are you jealous now?
♥ nah.

10.Who is the last person that messaged you?
♥ mother.

11. Who is your clique?
♥ i just mingle with everyone. otherwise, it's just me.

12.Do you want babies in future?
♥ yes, i love babies, they're our future.

13.Do you prefer Macdonald, KFC, Long John Silver, Burger King or coffee shop?
♥ arrghh! tough! Mac for their drinks/sundaes/fillet-o-fish burgers, BK for their chicken burgers/sundae pies.

14.Do you sniff glue?
♥ ahaha. no.

15.Do you smoke?
♥ no.

16.If your boyfriend/girlfriend is a 2-timer,what will you do?
♥ zone out and chant mantras.

17. Which CCA are you in now?
♥ ELDDS. they rock.

18.If you're rich, what'll you do?
♥ lavish most of it on my parents.

19.If the one you're in love with, held your hand, what'll you do?
♥ slap him. if something like that ever happens. AHAHA.

20. If the one you love, reject you, what'll you do?
♥ zone out.

21.What is your favourite cartoon character/s?
♥ donald duck, betty boop. lovely inspiration.

22.Friendship or Love?
♥ both

23.Cookie monster or Elmo?
♥ cookie monster. lot of resemblance, no?

24.do you use laptop or computer?
♥ laptop

25.Do you like lollipop?
♥ not really, no.

26.Do you have a diary?
♥ used to.

27.There's an admirer of yours and he won't die heart, what'll you do?
♥ what, sorry?

28.If you quarrel with your boyfriend/girlfriend and he/she wants to break, what'll you do?
♥ say nononononono

29. Are you blur?
♥ when it's required.

30.If you can have your hair dyed, what colour do you want it to be?
♥ i don't think i ever wanna change, but if the need arises, blue-black. like prussian blue, kinda.

31. Who is the last person you chatted in your MSN?
♥ can't remember..was it geetz cuz?

.32.How many boys/girls have you beaten before?
♥ i have totally no idea..must be a lot. and i don't use my palms though.

33.If your boyfriend/girlfriend don't love you anymore, what'll you do?
♥ i have no idea.

34. What school are you in?
♥ bukit view secondary school

35. Tag 10 besties or friends to do this quiz:;
not gonna.

__________________________________________________________-

HEY PEOPLE.
i'm listening to disco now, so the way i'mma write this is gonna be heavily influenced.

where to start, man?!?!

well for one, it's
the
weekend!

and monday's a public/school holiday.
but i don't think i'll have the heart to waste - sorry, spend this weekend like i have been all the others.

parents are actually thinking of hopping down to Mac for coffee, don't know if I should follow them. i mean, i badly want a sundae.

speaking of sundaes,
i have been at west mall with mother for like, 3 times this week. cos we had to get things for NDP, red shirt, new shoes and all. and we dined at swensens two out of the three times.

can't quite believe it.

the first time was for a proper lunch. since i was rushing for piano lessons, there wasn't much time to have dessert and everything.

the next time,
we went there solely for dessert.
tried out the new ones.
i had Milo Indulgence, which had milo icecream, milo powder, cocoa pops, maltesers and wafer.

mother had the chendol..can't remember its' name.

i suggest that you share these types of icecreams, that come in those rounded GOBLETS. cos it's kinda impossible to finish it, if you have the same appetite as i.

oh my god.

you have to try the Super Soda!! In Lime!!
had that after the big lunch on tuesday.

the sorbet (they call it sherbet) that comes with it is HEAVENLY!!!
($3.90 per scoop. THey have strawberry sorbet as well.)

peace out, and love,

Ps: fathin and I have made it up already. it was a whole lot of misunderstanding and hogwash. so people, you may go back to being sulky about the fact that I'm not that sulky now.

2009-07-16T08:11:00.000-07:00

god.
this is one of those awkward, i-don't-know-where-to-start posts.
i keep thinking
tmrw's saturday,

because there wasn't much homework today..so i feel less busy.

anyway,
today is a thursday,
and i still have to wake up and get to school.

i'm in some otherworldly state-of-mind now.
don't know what to feel.
that's right.

i don't know what to feel.

i've been quite sapped by everything, that it's left me like a shell.

just watched the trailer for Jennifer's Body.
my goodness.
i REALLY don't know where to start.

i've got a lot to say about the king of pop, and his untimely demise.
don't care if you think it's PROBABLY the same old crap everyone else been's saying.
but no..

you rock my world,
i don't wanna see that end.

I d-d-d-d-d-d-did not say...

2009-06-27T04:15:00.000-07:00

YEAH,
LACK OF UPDATES FOR GOD-KNWS-HOW-LONG.

let's just say i took to facebook for a while, and anyway you can't control what people read on your blog, but you can control what people read on facebook, right?

fine, this IS gonna go to facebook anyways.

contrived and cliched as it may sound,
its utterly appalling that MJ's passed away.
He was like,"i'm starting this-amount-of concert dates in these cities, and yadayada..." then POOF? he leaves us?
life is full of surprises, both the good and bad.
LIFE ISN'T FAIR, ONE BIT.
i was chanting this a lot yesterday and today, my mother may agree otherwise.

oh anyway.
I did the unthinkable,
and created a twitter account.
it was up to me anyway.

but yeah,
i'm going kinda manic with the updating thing.
added Adam Lambert, quite top on my agenda really!
you guys go find the real name, its quite THERE for you guys to see it...
but yeah, the Idols are posting pictures of their rehearsals and behind-the-scenes stuff, so go check it out as well...

Gah.
i'm having mixed feelings about Monday.
It's going to feel like

(a) Prozac Nation

(b) Aeon Flux

(c) The Motorola promotional ad for the MotoRazr, with the Shiny Toy Guns song playing in the background.

(d) Some A-grade zombie flick (except that it's got severely unhinged people like me in it, so it can't be A-grade)

(e) The set of I, Robot.

(f) Wooziness at its' best.

I swear.
Everyone's gonna be walking around in this half-baked, weirdass state. and worried about even being within 2 feet of each other. for fear of infection or something.
oh my god,
i'm suddenly getting scared.
i mean, i'm done with all my homework (very proud of it) but something's just so...

FOREBODING and OMINOUS
about school.

i really don't know what to expect.
no one does,gowri.

i mean, of course, when i walk into class, im' going to give Lina and Sailesh and all of them great big cat hugs. and probably, i might go to my seniors' classes and give a shout-out (or the finger).

i take the last three words back, i'm not of that calibre to whip out my hand-attached appendage at random times, like some people.

oh god...
well anyway.
the evening sun was shoved in my face,but
now the weather's mellowing...
and the sky's turning dark, with streaks of pink, and purple..

basyar, don't you just wish you were there?!

anyhow,
i need a change of skin.
grey and pink is too subdued for me, seriously.

LINA.
if you're reading this,
please bring the IPW pictures in a thumbdrive and the file as well.

the rest,
i have no idea, you guys.

well,
we will just brace ourselves for an onslaught of utter crap and surrealism on Monday, shall we?

with much love, and defiance,

accept people for who they are. so suddenly you're turning good and straight?

2009-05-23T01:01:00.000-07:00

Saturday, May 23

I am sunken in my chair now.
I am..what's the word
FRAIL.
that's right.
FRAIL, like an elderly lady.
I can't talk much.
My throat hurts.
and losing my voice is like losing my weapon.
that's a long story.
I have no idea where my ipod and phone are.
I cannot eat the subway cookies sis has bought for fear of inflaming my throat.
I can't drink plum juice.
which led to all this strife in the first place.
I just have to settle for peppermint tea and twiggies.
My browbones hurt. Both of them.
And when I shout or listen to music for a long time, my head starts to hurt.
I feel like its in a vice.
Fantastic right?
So now anytime I'm expecting to be photo-sensitive and light-sensitive, subito.
I can't even go out.
And suddenly I'm turning into this whiny brat.
I can't, I can't, I can't.
but that's the truth.
I can't do a lot of things.

I guess I will pick myself up sooner or later. It helps to have a really great mother.

And anyway,
talking about what's been occupying the radar a lot these days...
American Idol.
Gosh, Kris won.
I don't want to talk about the lovely people who pretty much spoiled it for during school, some of them were like,'It's Kris!' 'It's Adam!'
I didn't know who to believe.
But yeah, later that afternoon, after watching the recording that Mum had taped, and AFTER watching the performances of both Adam and Kris,
I was kinda disappointed that Adam didn't win.

Of course, Kris was flaunting his abilities with piano, and guitar, whereas Adam pulled off his tricks (vocal acrobatics, amazing control, and overall atmosphere)

However, when it comes down exactly to that - atmosphere - I still think Adam won hands down. He has that stage presence, and that energy, and sometimes Kris can put me to sleep. Yeah, his voice is soothing and everything, but wasn't Adam the same way on Mad World? His voice is very, very, haunting.

and anyway,
looks like america didn't want to be represented by adam?
is that it?
so what if his sexual orientation is questioned?
don't tell me there arent people like him in america,
so subito everyone wants to vote for the 'good' guy.
seriously, don't know what's wrong with everyone.

i don't really have anything against kris,
i did like his rendition of Ain't No Sunshine, unfortunately the only of his performances that I liked.

God.

Friday, 22 may

We had Lifeskills.
From 8-ish to 12.40pm.

Our coach, Coach Sean, was a dead ringer for Danny Gokey.
seriously.
but still, this is not to say I spent the rest of the day staring, and trying to draw comparisons between him and Danny Gokey.
He was very funny, and he made us all laugh so hard!

He was actually explaining the DISC profiling.
I'm I/C.
Well the most memorable part was when he came to explaining C.
one of the adjectives for C was 'Correct'.
I think you can guess what was coming next.

(ps.I just discovered that my head hurts ALSO WHEN I COUGH.)

Coach Sean: So, if your Engrish (insert funny expression) is not very good, this person will always come and correct you.
Class: Gowri! Gowri!
Me: laughs uncontrollably. (what did you expect, jump up and give everyone the ___?)
Coach Sean: Then, not only that. This person will also make sure you give the right accent. The Bree-ttish accent. Ohh my! Oh my god!! You must use the british accent!
Class: Gowri! Gowri!
Me: (you know what)
Coach Sean: Really ah? She does that?

It was as if he'd known me personally or something! Christ!

As you can see, the whole thing was really hilarious!
and i realized that I identified more with the C personality (calculative, cautious)
than I.

During the second half of the program,
my head started to hurt.
like, really badly.
to the point where I had to hold my head between my hands.
it was hell.
surprisingly, no one even cared to ask.

all in all,
the program was really helpful too,
made us feel empowered. or even more than that.
it was like a re-run of Councillor Camp, sans the running and strenuous activities.
it made me discover my priorities, now that I got back my colourful MYE marks.

after the program,
mr heng told us all to stay back to check our marks.
then mrs ong, at that very moment, called me out of my class for some phototaking thingy (it's a long story)
then had to run, with my sorethroat and headache, to the third floor, find lynette, run down.
then run back to class to find afiq.
By the time I got back to class, almost everyone had left.
Thank you to whoever who packed my bag. but unfortunately, you forgot to pack my really expensive pen, which is now lost)
it has a goddamn label on it, please return it if you find it :(

when I was walking out of school,
i was nearly dying.
the sun was merciless,
and for anyone with a headache and a sorethroat, obviously being in the sun isn't good at all.
i felt so darned pathetic and sorry for myself,
there was no one to walk me till the bus stop,
or the interchange
or to help me with my things.

I felt like a freaking loner, man.
i don't care what you guys think,
i know this is kinda personal to be written using such a widespread medium,
but i cldn't care less,
this is me, brutally frank and honest with who I am.

I waited and waited for the bus to come,
and i just couldn't take it, so I had to cab home.
usually i sit up, and i'm always alert, so I can see where the driver is going
but that day,
i was so dead, just sank into the cab.
godddd.

then mum took care of me and everything,
i slept at 1, woke up at 4,
slept at 6, woke up at 8,
slept at 9, woke up at 11.30.

awoke 3 times in 10 hours.
christ.
_____________________________

i've a lot of work to do,
and it's gonna be an uphill task.
I've to struggle really hard.
less music.
less surfing-the-internet.
less smiling, even.
but more work.
more hardship.
more achievements.
more development.
more empowerment.
more success.

And yes,
I want to do a lot more for ELDDS.
i don't want to just leave it like that. (who does, i hope?)
sure, there are a lot more people who are in higher posts than I and ought to be doing something about the situation,
but that doesn't mean I'll cut myself slack.

I'm a councillor.
I'm manufactured for these things.
I can do them.

au revoir, va. f, with love,

don't lose that smile.
don't lose your charm.
be strong through it all.
we're here for you through this time of loss.

I didn't know I was that dispensable..

2009-05-20T02:41:00.000-07:00

5.41pm.
The Queen and I - Gym Class Heroes

I've mixed feelings towards today.
both good and bad things happened.
well we got back the complete set of exam results.
last year, my results stopped with As (and one C).
this year, it extends quite far...

the weekend was quite crippling,
in the sense i couldn't really go out much,
except on sun.
when i went to the shops.

IT'S ONE OF THE MOST LIBERATING EXPERIENCES EVER!
for me, that is.
you get the evening sun, breeze, and basically good weather.
and the joy at the fact that you have a really loaded tea to finish up later!

then later in the evening,
went out to Bali Thai for dinner.
Poor sis..she had school the next day when i didn't.
God,
if i'm not wrong,
for the first time in my life,
i tried the eko (how do you spell it?) sauce that came with the DELICIOUS tauhu telur,
and i totally regretted it.
i was nearly crying,
mother was so nice to let me finish up her drink!
*trust me, tauhu telur is a very entertaining dish.
this is not to say halfway thru your meal it pieces itself together and starts doing the hokey-pokey. this means that it's nice to knock off the floss on top, and topple the whole chunk of tauhu on its side, complete with shredded onion and carrot...the honour is always reserved for mum and I at those occasions!

I chose not to have my favourite dish : chicken sauteed with honey, garlic and cashewnuts.
THE HONEY'S MY FAVE, obviously. tart, but still sweet.
i mean, usually i'm the one who ends up finishing it, parsley and carrot and all, even the last drop of honey, because my family's too nice to take a piece for themselves.
still, had the long beans with salted egg yolk (!!!!) and vegetables. and tom yum soup...the only spicy item i will allow myself in most restaurants..

God,
I was laughing quite a bit today.
i mean checking exam scripts with oli beside is not the same as with other ppl, no?
something

stayed back for something, for which we had to meet at 3.returned from school at like 4-ish. went to the shops on the way home..bought all sorts of nonsense, well a chocolate-rice-and-cream bun and a chocolate waffle. then went to nTUC, walked like 5 times up-and-down the sweets/chocs aisle, cos i was (a) mulling over what to buy (b)trying to set my thoughts in order cos i was kinda emo (not about test results!!)

so now,
i'm typing this
waiting for oli to finish her band so I can meet her at the mac near my - our place!
i have the weirdest thing in front of me now - a bottle of nail polish.

god...
people who were supposed to meet up in the art room disappeared (why, thank you..), so I was practically lounging about, reading up on the magazines so tastefully displayed (thanks Mdm Maz!) and helping out with Isabelle's script for the councillor investiture video.. oh crap now that I remember, hopefully my name isn't in the credits..gah isabelle!! why did you tell natthawut..

then i happened to see smth that didn't make me very happy, so I got pissed (yeah, snap!) and left. and anyway, it's not like I wanted to waste my time waiting for people.

the sun hurts.
practically everything hurts.
"just remember when the dust disappears,
you belong to me.
you'll leave me lonesome when you go."

Who am I to tell you how to live your live, man?

"monday morning, lousy morning.." Bang Bang Bang - Soho Dolls

2009-05-18T00:21:00.000-07:00

AM BACK!

THOUGHT OF CELEBRATING MY RETURN with something special..like saying something totally unexpected...but maybe not.

I'd been blogging mainly in FBnotes, which explains why I didn't blog that much here.

well, i finally have the time to (a)relink people (b)reply to your tags (c)and basically summarise whatever's been going on.

Replytotags:

Bhav: yeah...k...

dan: yeah sure!

denise and rachel: :)

nhita: ok :)

lavanya: no i'm not...and thank you:)

xinyi: no, if I were a rockstar my records wouldnt sell! Thank you tho!

jason: i will link you...and please don't feel such..i have selective STM.

pooja: neither did I man!

So,

on a dreadul early evening on the 18th of may, 2009

im typing this.

everything sucks now.

everything's boring except for the internet.

but...
EXAMS ARE OVER!!!
i remember chanting in my head.."4 down, 7 to go......7 down, 4 to go..."

and yes,
the long-awaited Literature Outing for Much Ado About Nothing was on Fri, the last day of exams. (check out the pictures..all of them have been graced by my weirdass poses)

I had great fun.
wait, the word fun doesn't seem adequate.
but a big THANK-YOU to the people who made it such!

-Pooja, Basyar, Khaliesa, CY, Oli, Lina, Naufal, Nasri and whoever who was there.

(*god it's nearly 5)

and now,
i/we
have a lot of work to look forward to
and exam results ;(
but oh well,
i'll just cross the bridge when it comes.

au revoir,
and va fanculo,
gowri.

2009-04-25T02:00:00.001-07:00

I'VE linked you guys.
finally changed the skin.
and yes, i have no idea why the imeem sometimes plays 30-second previews of the songs.
now,what's the world coming to?
even imeem is gay?

love,

you look so fine, it just hurts to look at you.

2009-04-12T06:39:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling pretty down today.
After facebooking for just three minutes, i've already begun to feel quite..ignored.
and unappreciated.
i know you can't expect credit for everything,
but if you guys want people to be kind to you,
why ditch them when they are?

oh well,
at least i still have my family.
and co-curricular activities to look forward to.
but they won't keep my mind off distress for long.

the soundtrack to our lives.
katy perry, you have indisputable taste in music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXbk3OL-t-s&feature=player_embedded

all the facebook posts. here.

2009-04-10T05:52:00.000-07:00

with the newest..

i'd do anything for..
Thursday, April 9, at 9:36pm

my day in sentences.
hopefully, i can edit this to make it longer.

i discovered Celine boards the same bus as I! and i didn't know!!!!!! until today! we rode home, after speech day full-dress rehearsal, at like 7.30pm. it was really fun, talking to her on the bus. i also found out she has the same phone i've been coveting for weeks...

love and peace (in this surreal world),
gowri k.

ps:
afiqah, nhita, celine and ramez, thank you.

______________________________________________

tell me gowri, how does it feel to spill coffee over a champagne-coloured car?
Sunday, April 5, 2009 at 6:30pm
[EDITED]

HOW VERY TRUE!
Capricorn - 22 dec - 20 jan

Summary : Work is what keeps this character alive. They not only enjoy their work, they need it in order to validate their existence. They tend to enjoy the company of creative people and will bend over backwards to help out. Love? Of course. But only after work.

Positive Traits : resolve, generosity, wisdom, ambition, superiority, dependability, persuasiveness, style, autonomy, dexterity, popularity, accomplishment

Negative Traits : stiffness, loneliness, clumsiness, epicureanism, pretension, self-doubt, selfishness, haste, unscrupulousness, anxiety, rebellion, pragmatism

IT'S REALLY FREAKY how this horoscope stuff is becoming very true of me nowadays. you decide for yourself!

I'm actually quite happy that they're starting to give LILY ALLEN more MUCH-NEEDED AIRPLAY. on 987fm, when mum switched the station, I heard the last bars of The Fear. Then Shan Wee went on to talk about 'Not Fair' (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUYaosyR4bE) saying that it was her second single. And he played the song. Unfortunately, Mum heard the song, which wasn't very polite. i mean, there wasn't anything to censor, but if innuendoes are anything to go by...

there are a lot of things i have to tell you.

starting from wednesday:

it was CCA.
mr heng took so long to finish up his science lesson, it was the last period of the day?
and then i had to tick off all the items off my palm
(none of them ended up being done, due to time constraints..meaning i felt irritated subconsciously)

i went to the art room and found the sec1s/other ppl/iqbal. iqbal, who told me we needed to reshoot for the Speech Day PRIME video. My publicity for this yr's speech day is sky-high...along with MC-ing, i have the prime video and i'm receiving smth onstage. can't help it, that's what my life is like. SURREAL. crazy. unpredictable.

so basically we had to do this little discussion about the school's new amenities. i roped in valerie and jineshree (who is Vickneswari's lil sister!! -- looks exactly like her).
unfortunately, due to some ppl who were hogging the vid-camera but doing absolutely nothing with it, we got delayed. and we only managed to get the vid cam at about 6, and then valerie just - poof - left. so i asked celine (i had been calling her cheryl), my fellow MC, the one with the melodic voice to substitute. she's also a new eldds member, cheers for that :)

celine and jineshree were darned co-operative, even though they had to rush home and everything. we had so much fun filming everything. i was very touched by cy's, basyar's, nasri's and jingen's (tho to a lesser extent) gesture of staying back and not deserting me. thanks a lot, guys.

CY, Basyar and Nasri also helped with the equipment, like the freaking boom mike and the audio. don't ask me how these things work, they're the experts, not myself! the funny thing was that with each take, mdm maziyan and ourselves kept coming up with new ideas to improve the shot. the plan was to first just film us doing the closing scene (this is gowri, this is celine, this is jineshree, signing off from bv news.) then, mdm maziyan came up with the idea of shutting her macbook pro closed and then doing the signing off, then CUT.

We didn't stop there. I don't quite know who brought up the idea, but it was to do it like they did it on TV, like dim the lights after the reporters finish speaking, then we kind of have a little 'conversation' behind the scenes.

CY ran to the lights to turn them off! then we thought basyar could be like, it's a wrap, and take the macbook pro and 'pack up', sort of.

basyar kept pressurizing the three of us. he is so funny..like duh. but it didn't work out well for me..made me laugh even more.
"There's $9k worth of equipment in front of you, and 10,000 ppl staring at you. don't get pressurized.'
ROFLMAO. how not to??

it was a doddle, really! i had a lot of fun. from the end of our first take, i couldn't stop laughing. you know why?
when the time came for me to move forward and shut the lid closed, i had to stretch my arm so much that i ended up moving the whole chair, and it made such a rude noise and spoiled the take! everyone went bonkers after that, including me, LIKE DUH!! i was quite afraid my belly button would twist inwards. it was so hilarious, and my highness was caught on tape anyway. thanks iqbal.

so we did our second take, and it went w/o a hitch..
we packed up and left for home.

Thursday
I had councillor duty in the morning, and i was like, on standby for SUSO. kind of, i didn't really understand what was going on, so i decided to play by ear. Bing Kuen, jolene and Nasri did their SUSO.

During recess, I went to the cafe, to check if LIna and Oli were there. They werent. But i met jineshree. and god knows what wld have happened if i hadnt met her. because i came to know thru her that we needed to reshoot! again! wednesday's was actually the 1st reshoot! the first time we shot, saferah, nasri and I went around the school touring the new places and interviewing ppl. so we needed a second reshoot. darn.

that aside,
i went to the library. it's a bit like retail therapy, except that there's nth to buy. when i'm down, or frustrated with smth, i just go to the library and borrow books like nothing. i was feeling damned crappy, and not clear, focused and intellectual, so i decided to go crazy, borrowing NOTHING BUT CHICK-LIT. the school library has a mediocre selection of chick-lit, id say. Jodi Picoult is NOT chick-lit. and i don't think there's any danielle steel! i cried while reading Johnny Angel. CRIED! can you imagine old, stone-hearted ME crying over a story? non non non non.

so after school,
where else would I have gone to? art room to find mdm maz. then we were talking about the situation. trust me, it's a completely different vibe when you're doing filming solo. and it's just mdm maz, a camera, and you. so i came up with a script and then we did takes with and without some parts. it's a very liberating experience, when you do it solo. because then you're free to experiment and try out different things, e.g.different ways of presenting.

so after filming, i hung back in the art room, reading STYLE and Marie Claire (mdm maz, thank you for leaving them there, they inspired me most when i needed it!!) then i left at about 3.30.

Friday (\we're nearly there)
I did SUSO!
with Norraine, Billie and Fauzia.
Trust me, all the running around looking for a particular teacher and writing they'd done, everything culminated in that morning's performance.
I, for one, was pretty excited about the whole thing, because I love speaking on stage.
the whole school was there, because we were the lower sec representing eldds (we elddsians show ya how it's done!).

The day before, Ms Ang approached me first to put my name on my clipboard, so we had to follow the order. Myself, Billie, Norraine and Fauzia.

The three of them were so nervous, it took a lot to calm down. but they weren't really to be blamed, we were kinda getting pressurized by the authorities..

I was - gasp! - pretty glad when my name was announced. My ears were not deceiving me, but when I was walking onto the stage, I did hear people clapping, and cheering, even if half-heartedly. The fact that at least those people had appreciated me, when not even my own class had barely squeaked, really touched my heart and inspired me to do better.

The mic stand was a bother. Haha..they almost never get that bit right. So I had to tilt the mic towards my mouth and my face was kinda blocked..but who cares? I think it was my best SUSO yet..and i got praised for good eye contact, ms ang kept bringing that point up. And ms parv was like,'that was good..' and she was smiling. it was a team effort, in any case. the four of us got praised by the teachers, so that was a job well done!

Music was fun. during our presentation, olivia kept laughing! well at least, it helped to lighten the mood, because for no rhyme or reason, my energy was sapped and I was kinda emo-ing during practice.
After our performance, we sat squashed on the steps. Then aqilah and I were talking about our legs. mine were badly cramped, because I was sitting very uncomfortably. but anything to get rid of bad vibes. then aqilah saw that i'd tattooed my name on my left bicep using mini-double markers; she signed her name on her knee using the hot-pink mini-double i had in my pencilcase. hers was nice, with stars and all! and lina, being classique, signed her name in blue on her knee. fun but weird.

surprisingly enough, when i tried to use the hotpink mini-double after that, the thin nib wouldn't work properly. it was then and there that i decided never to use the thin nibs of the markers to sign on skin, only the thick nibs. i'm VERRRRY partial towards my stationery. especially if they're newly bought.

came out of the AVA theatre with a kilogramme of books and a heavy bag, where i waved to the sec3s who had just finished lessons. I SCREAMED when i saw Afiqah, then we started catwalking all the way to the Art Room, one of my fave pastimes. i set down my stuff and we went to the canteen, or should i say, catwalked to the canteen.

Met Nhita and company, hung out with them, while eating Hello Panda (wasn't in the mood for anything else). We were super high by this time, because..it's Nhita and Afiqah and company I was hanging out with!!!

Went to the DC area, where I saw 3 of my friends, one of which I was immediately heartbroken over seeing. several people took turns to adulterate my wallet and analyze the contents...
i wasted time like that, walking here and there. and occasionally low-ing and high-ing..

i actually wasn't supposed to report to CCA, which was for drama and later in the evening. i stayed back (a)so i could collect my compo book from a particular teacher (b)spend some time studying and not wasting that 1 hour spent commuting from school to home (c)finish up any ELDDS duties, if such things cropped up.

It was one of the most retarded days of my surreal life. Khaliesa, Pooja and Iqbal were outside the AR, talking about _____, then milissa, myself, cy and basyar joined them. continued the damn discussion inside. by then, i couldn't stop laughing so hard at their jokes, that TWICE, i had to go to another place and recover from laughing. when i came back to my seat, i was still shaking from the after-effects.

At around 4/5-ish, the SYF crew left for the hall, so i was left in the AR with Lynn, Kunthavi and Isaiah. Azwan, or Az-1 as he prefers to be addressed, came along later. The three sec1s were so happy to see him..especially isaiah i think..he was buzzing like some energizer bunny on steroids.

fast forward,
i left school at about 5,6-ish.
then pigged out like crazy at home.

sigh.
GOOD LUCK to the SYF crew for their performance tomorrow!

love,
_______________________________________________

utterly brainless. fly away starbucks.
Friday, April 3, 2009 at 10:25pm

I did this quiz, and i found out that I'm green.

Basic need: Rationality
Strongest values: Objectivity, integrity
Key experiences: Logic
Learning style: Independant, data-based, analytical
Greatest joy: Wisdom, discovery, innovation
Troubled by: illogical, injustice, sentimentality
Encouraged by: Affirmation of intelligence
In Groups: Analysis, ingenuity, independance
On the job: Ingenuity, pragmatism
Personal troubles: Indecisiveness, superiority, coldness
Seek in relationships: Autonomy, respect

_____________________________________________

what drives you on can drive you mad..
Tuesday, March 31, 2009 at 9:01pm

Came back from the shops about two hours ago..this entry is a bit delayed, that's why..

In the morning,
I had to purse my lips to keep from screaming when the bus just whizzed past me, before my eyes. I mean, how early do you wanna leave the house for a 6.50 bus?

anyhow,
thankfully i got to school on time, and then I was in a bad mood,
because i had to blow my money on something I couldn't find, and i had to buy it, rush back to class, and then to the hall for assembly.

rest of the lessons passed without much incident anyway,
home ec; mrs k didn't come. we were actually supposed to make biscuits i think.
then we were all so uncharacteristically apprehensive about lesson.
then, on our way to the kitchen, weiyang suddenly remembered that he'd forgotten his books.
he ran back to get them.
then, we saw another class (upper sec students) and other teachers in the kitchen,
alas, mrs k didn't come, and mdm phoo told us to go back to class.
..we had great fun reassuring weiyang that he could calm down..

went back to class,
lina, myself, weiyang and joel sat around one table.
we were crapping around and laughing so much, i even had to sit somewhere else and recover from excessive laughing (wonder why I haven't got a prescription for it yet)
I completed my english summary while retarding..being the closet workaholic i am..
thank you so much for brightening up my day, guys!!

after school,
met up with cheryl, ramez and miss yeng for speechday practice. i learnt more things about tone. that's what i like about emceeing. you're always learning new things. and ms yeng also relived some memories of last year's crew..then i was like,"oh rachelle used to do that! jagan used to rock on his heels when he was nervous!" things like that. but i swear, cheryl is like some reincarnation of rachelle, a very melodic and girlish voice :)

that done with,
I went to the art room, laughed my head off at the class CIPvideo joel was doing. then, went to the hall with jolene to watch the SYF drama rehearsal (you rock, guys!) On the piano, I played Till There Was You (it's kinda like my trademark song) and Colours of the Wind (Nasri, Naufal and Jolene were all like,'That sounds familiar'.) that reminds me, i've to photocopy the score for you, jolene dear! .'Olivia and Lina came along to watch too.

Naufal and I were really doing the members injustice, because we were translating some of the actors' lines from English to Tamil, and Naufal was really good at doing it in a way that did AND did not make sense. I could only do about 60% of the lines...

god knows, but i'm like starting to walk heavily, on my heels. i guess it's born out of my behaviour..at about 4, nearly 5-ish, i left school. felt so pathetic; plodding home in the harsh evening sunlight.

Then i decided to go and get things for me to eat for my tea,
got dressed and went to ntuc.
i took a slow walk, because then the evening sun at 6 is better than the one at 5. it's windier. i love the weather in the mornings as well as the evening. only if it's sun then it matters.
Haha, i saw Lindt Chocolate Carrots. Dont' worry, they weren't actual carrots, but just milk chocs in the shape of carrots. and truffles and stuff. alas, there was no cappuccino truffle Haagen-Daaz!! calls for a trip to King Albert Park (a.k.a Cold Storage)...

____________________________________________________

Dear Gowri...
Friday, March 20, 2009 at 6:06pm

Sailesh:

Dear Gowri,
I think you should be on CNN
You have a nice ipod
You make me go 'WHAT?? Hahah!'
You should try to eat your ipod.... Read More
Someday, I will do that too.
you + me = i'm not sure
If i saw you now i'd offer you some of the chocolate i'm eating.
I want to take your ipod from you.
I want to build a sticky note just for you.
If I could sing any song it would be "rehab" by Amy Winehouse.
We could kidnap Obama together.
Love,
Sailesh
(P.S. This was the most awkward thing i've ever done.)

Jolene:

Dear Gowri
I think you rock.
You have a nice heart.
You make me feel happy.
You should talk to me.... Read More
Someday I will meet up with you to finish newsletter.
You + me = perfect friends.
If I saw you now I'd hug you.
I want to know more abt you.
I would build a subway shop just for you.
If I could sing you any song it would be umbrella by rihanna.
We could finish newsletter asap .
Love,
jolene

(P.S. i think we shld finish newsletter!... meows.)

Portia :

Dear Gowri!(!!!!!!)
I think you are awesome ♥
You have a nice fashion sense.
You make me die from laughing.
You should go meet TAI with me.... Read More
Someday I write poetry with you.
You + me = WILLIAM BECKETT'S OUR BITCH!
If I saw you now I'd point and scream.
I want to see you!
I would build a talk show (yours) just for you.
If I could sing you any song it would be something by Lily Allen.
We could go crazy (anywhere is fine).
Love,
Portia!

(P.S. AHHHHHHHH.)

Afiqah:

Dear Gowri ,
I think you're th sweetest .
You have th nicest heart .
You make me feel as if I am not alone anymore .
You should be crowned as Queen of th Nicest Heart !... Read More
Well to make it straight ,
I just love youu ♥

Gowri:

Sailesh - MUAHAHAH..lolol you brought all the S'pore Poly memories back..sob!! thank you so much! muack :)

Jolene - JOLENE AJAJAJAJAJA. newsletter being our top ELDDS priority, yes definitely, when i have regained my sanity..we will complete it dey. yay! you is meowing too! if i saw you now i'd hug you until neither I nor you have room to breathe. when i have regained my sanity..we will complete it dey. yay! you is meowing too! if i saw you now i'd hug you until neither I nor you have room to breathe.

Posh Spice!! - i so agree with the WB comment. feel like catching a plane to chicago now..and thanks for saying i have a nice fashion sense!! (blush) you're awesome too, babe, will nvr forget ChildAid/APCG!! BE.MA.Producerrrrrr.

Afiqah!!! - You're one of the most adorable people Ive ever known. we should go on some zombie rampage together...thanks for cracking me up when i felt emo :)) (hugs)

love you guys!

BtVSS ELDDS SYF Intensive & M&P Camp 2009

2009-03-15T21:08:00.000-07:00

This is so overdue that i don't think people are gonna bother to read this...but still. Kinda a reference to what Basyar did too. I published this on my blog too (www.therefinedalto.blogspot.com)

For one,
I was so hyped up about the ELDDS Camp. The only group of people with whom you can completely lose your head with besides your family and classmates are your CCA people. Besides, I also helped to plan this camp, along with Cheng Ying (my fellow assistant IC) and Basyar (IC). Seriously, no amount of words can describe the amount of time we three put into making this camp possible.and that's not forgetting Khaliesa, Jeremiah, Jolene, Nasri, Jason, drama members whose assistance is nonetheless unforgotten and the teachers.

Day 1 - Friday, 13/03/09
Met Bridget at the MRT station. I was waiting for like at least 3 minutes after realizing that she was sitting right behind me, behind the mrt gate. Felt like a refugee. we sat there and waited for this guy by the name of basyar. the people who were coming through began to give us weird looks. so i got up, and skipped all the way to the back, where they were handing out free copies of Today, and stood in the line to get a free copy. So I was like some bunny rabbit, jumping about and gabbing away, while bridget sat and read the paper after i'd been finished with it. After that, it was basyar who sauntered in, holding a cup of milo.

Reached school at around 8. When we got to the art room, hyperness kicked in. And bridget, basyar and i drifted off. Me (to the the baggage area) Bridget (baggage area too, i think) and Basyar (his posse of adoring fans... JK!)

We had briefings, SYF practice, and Media Crew work. The SYF members practised somewhere else, whereas us Media Crew people did our video-editing. I held a publications meeting with Saferah (who was always there to help me, thank you dear), joel, Wenkai, Weiyang, Billie, Emilia, Norraine, Kunthavi and Aaranee. I know I was strict and business-like, or in Azwan's words, "Bloody serious," but sometimes, that kind of a demeanour is necessary for work to take place.

After that, we had games, like Whacko and Murderer. I will never forget the time we played Whacko. It made me laugh so hard! and i bet, everyone else. Being as cruel as school children, we started forming traingles (e.g:A calls B, B calls C, C calls A). And there was this time when Basyar kept calling Luke as Looookkke; whole room went bonkers. There were many other fun times, when Khaliesa/Milissa/Pooja were screaming others names. I think I was too, to avoid getting whacked.

And then there were those uber-embarrassing forfeits. Don't wanna talk much about it, but I daresay I didn't like my friends getting embarrassed, so there.

I helped Jeremiah with getting the food, which was fun. I was so whacked by that time that I i tstarted to arrange the lemon-barley juice cartons and chrysanthemum tea cartons alternatively. I took pictures..and everytime I look at them I feel like crying, because it reminds me the good times we had.

(to be continued..both here and on facebook..)

and yes, you found those love handles.

2009-03-15T03:40:00.000-07:00

Returned from BtVSS's Councillors' Camp 2009 nearly 3-4 hours ago.

It was indescribable, in every sense of the word. It made me think about my priorities and who I really am.

I'm just firing off a few sentences for now. I'll update tmrw, hopefully, when the memories are still fresh, and also do homework. And then, I'll be off for ELDDS's Camp! WOOT!

love,

I own a mask shop, and I use most of its' wares as well.

2009-03-12T03:49:00.001-07:00

running

running away

hair whipping the wind in my wake

hem courting my ankles

both like waves rippling over a sandbar

not daring to look back

for fear of what lies behind

then my feet fail me

and I am

plummetting into an abyss

of deep depression

unspoken feelings

suppressed by an iron will

pulled towards the ground

rotten to my core I am not

but i won't hang on your every word

emptied

void

emotionless

crying until there aren't any tears

is there any escape

is there

from this whirlwind

master of slavery and slave of it too

can't do much if i'm being used

what drives you on

can drive you mad

in two minds about everything

what am i to believe

and what am i not to

you just need me there

to make you feel good

but you brush me aside

when the night's old

what are you, really.

- G.K.

I will go crazy waiting.

2009-03-11T05:57:00.000-07:00

AM BACK FROM SCHOOL/WM!

Gosh.
I was such a slob today morning. I took super long to get up and do everything (it was a wed, so obv school started late.), but i left home at 7.30. i expected to leave later, considering the rate i was going at.

so mum and i (yes I am a pampered brat) decided to miss my usual busstop and walk to the next one (which is as easily accessible as the usual busstop), because that's where all the Millenia institute students alight. and suddenly, the bus (a)is able to move faster (b)is much emptier.

We waited from 7.35 ....to 7.50am. Can you believe it? 941 usually comes within 5 mins, and today we had to wait for 15 minutes!!!! No idea why, but i was so thankful that I left home early.
As for today, after all the Millenia I students alighted from the bus, only myself and a guy were left in the bus. Weird.

Anyway....
went to school, and practically deserted the class.
i went to 3E1, where i found Jian Xin, Jolene and co. doing CR, and i kept them company for awhile. and then, i was screaming my head off on how fat/thick/difficult/verbose their CR articles are, and Jolene was like,"Oh, she's a bit siao, lah."

but seriously, i loved their articles! they weren't about frivolous things such as BabyTV? besides,they were taken from the Review section of The Straits Times. sighhhhh.

Oh,
got back maths common test marks.
I was really proud of my marks, but I don't know why I don't feel happier.
37/40.

oh,
and the best news of today is that..
I'm Top in English!
Which means I'll be receiving an award for speech day.

weee.

anyway,
will blog more tmrw, if i can.
am going away for camp on fri, till sun.

pictures still have to be watermarked ;(
love,

oh freida! oh dev!

2009-03-05T03:01:00.000-08:00

FINALLY. after so much of backlog...

about my previous post (below):

I'd been going through one of the toughest times in my life.
when i felt that nothing seemed to be going right.
obviously, it hit home hard for a crazed perfectionist like me.
forever about rules and doing things right.

thus,
regarding geog,
i didn't bring a book and had to bear the consequences.
it's a very convenient reason for many, but stress played a huge part.
when you have to get things done for a major organization on time, in a short amount of time, and every adult you speak to refuses to help you, you'd feel like just falling to your knees and cursing everything. and then, the exhaustion accumulated from the past week hits you again and again.

i went through that.
there were times when i had to calm myself down so rapidly before a test because of a mishap, that i ended up being in a very prolonged state of placidness. lina, oli, thanks for asking about me. and lina for clearing the misunderstanding up.

there was also a bit of trouble,
and i ended up feeling betrayed.
in fact, only that hurt more than the incident itself.

if you guys can't give kindness,
why do you even expect so much of it in the first place?

there was depression and all,
but i got over it.

ANYWAY,
i'm a councillor.
and i picked myself up.

i'm trying to take things one at a time, smiling through it all.

always know what you're worth, and don't let anyone change who you are.
if you can't convince people, let them find out the hard way for themselves.
you're not their parents or something for you to guide them.

_________________________________________________

Yesterday,
after authentic learning day,
we had cheer practice.
certain people were not co-operating.
then, because of some personal grudges between two parties.
a friend of mine was quite upset.
spent about an hour after practice cheering her up and calming her down,

in the process,
i was reliving some very bitter memories.
of how badly prejudiced people had been to me in primary school, and the psychological dilemmas and battles i faced. but, by being thick-skinned and ploughing through it, here i am now, unfortunately merciless in my advice, but stone-hearted as well. to some point.

then, I left school with olivia,nikki, sailesh, sandhiya, nivedha and fathin.
i already was thinking of going to the library, then i found out they wanted to too.

but then they wanted to eat first,
so we sat at KFC's roundtable, the one that seats 8 people or so.
I had no idea what came over me.
i wasn't smiling much.
i just sat there and completed my CR while they retarded around.

after that, nikki, sandhiya and sailesh left. so olivia and i went to popular, where i remember getting distressed because I (a)couldn't find the new lily allen album (b)couldn't remember who was the author of The Reader (c)found copies of Vikas Swarup's Q&A (adapted into a movie based on it, which you now know as Slumdog Millionaire) but with two different book jackets.

then, we met fathin and nivedha OUTSIDE the library. i was a bit disappointed when i found out they weren't going inside the library, they only wanted to return books. because if i'd known earlier, i would have bought a mocha frappe and drunk it earlier in KFC. then, fathin and nivedha left, and olivia and i went to the library.

she immediately looked thru the library catalogue for a book by Olivia Kidney (if i'm not wrong) whereas i looked for the author of The Reader and if whether the novel adaptation of Slumdog Millionaire was available. took me ages to find the shelf with the call number, but i picked up some pretty good books along the way. can't wait to read the book by Kiran D.

After waiting for me to pick up my books, Olivia and I left the library. As we were reaching the escalator landing of level 1, we saw Lina and her friends. Oli wanted to talk to her, so we did. Then, (haha) we went back to Popular to buy materials for class cheer, then we went to McCafe.
We talked, and laughed. I also got to drink a Mocha Frappe, which was dusted with cocoa powder on one side of the whipped cream, and drizzled with caramel sauce (at my request!) on the other side. weeeeee

then, i made arrangements to meet mum and shop for sushi/snacks/whatever. walked with lina and oli, they left for their own way, while Mum and I went to shop.
I reached home only at 9-ish! because, you lose track of time shopping for all the gourmet stuff that you don't get in NTUC. and i also bought a grey shrug for myself.

_________________________________________________
today,
we went to East Coast beach for beach-cleaning as well as the second part of our activities for Authentic Learning Day, which was yesterday.

Seriously,
the hours yesterday were much longer!
i guess time doesn't fly when you're NOT having fun...
duh.
but still, i don't think it was that substantial.
i could see that they were telling us to do the same things repeatedly so that they would get into our heads.
yes they did, but we remembered them for all the wrong reasons!
for causing us boredom, and stilling time.

as for BEACH-CLEANING,

I'VE HONESTLY NEVER BEEN THIS HAPPY IN A LONG TIME.
i wasn't behaving like i usually did, prim and proper and goal-oriented.
because i was at a beach, for god's sake!

but yes,
i enjoyed myself.
soaked my shoes on purpose thrice.
learnt new things about photography (have taken to shooting pictures from the ground now.)
i posed like crazy with lina, oli, fathin, aqilah, sailesh. but lina especially, because we like to spoof people's expressions and mannerisms.
haha, she said she likes my camera, lol.

experienced the anguish of beachcleaners, who clean up rubbish on the beach under the sweltering morning sun.

exercised teamwork,
but i helped to document the pulling of this weird, anchor-like thing.

at first, i was involved in digging the sand out from under the booty, then i turned to taking pictures and videographing the efforts of my classmates. refer to class blog in about a WEEK!

pictures will be posted soon.
i have to add watermarks. ahem. for fear of lack of acknowledgement.

tomorrow,
there's e-learning day,
which means like nearly six hours of completing online assignment without much freedom.
wowee.
then cheer practice at oli's house.
not sure i can really make it, but at least i won't have to meet up at BB Mrt station like the rest, cos i know where oli lives,and anyway i live pretty close to her.

haha,
i know i will have to wake up at almost the usual time tomorrow, but at least i can eat a leisurely breakfast before comfortably settling my bum into the seat and writing like crazy for e-learning.

oh well.
gotta get my fix of sardine-filled currypuffs.

eldds seniors!
for god's sake, hurry back from the dairy farm!

love,

2009-02-28T04:15:00.000-08:00

I AM OFFICIALLY IN LOVE WITH THIS SONG!

TWO DOORS DOWN by the MYSTERY JETS.

this is the song to blame if you've fallen in love yourself after listening to it repeatedly. im telling you from experience (and comments on youtube).

i think the lead singer is very,very,VERY pretty. if i knew him i would be like, best friends with him.

I have so much to say I don't know where to start.

Right.

ALERT: DREARY/EMO-SHIT/LAME/POINTLESS/HEADING-NOWHERE POST AHEAD.

for the past two weeks,
life has been what a faulty railway track does to its train.

i am slumped on my keyboard after reading a girl's blog.
just don't want to say who it is because what she wrote is driving me crazy.
crazier than i already am.

so,

anyway, back to my surreal life.

i swear i am losing hope in geography.

will continue this.

oh, dang poor time management.

2009-02-23T03:32:00.000-08:00

so much for calling you a friend.

thanks a whole lot for your support.

2009-02-17T05:34:00.000-08:00

I've got people to see

places to go

deadlines to meet

a reputation to uphold

its like a ton of bricks breaking on my back

its like the force of gravity in full effect

i got money to burn

and I'm on the sake

they bet their bomb on me

cause I'm their ace of spades

i feel the walls getting closer I

'm like a bomb with all red wires

all this pressure
all this pressure
maybe it means I'm gonna be all this pressure

all this pressure
maybe this means I'm gonna be a diamond
it wont ever bend a diamond cause
there ladies best friends a diamond

but there there has to be more than what these pirates are gambling for
if not for the push

id probably be a pebble if not for the pressure id be forgotten forever
just another stone skipped upon the water drowning fast

before the other failures i don't wanna be a distant memory on your wall
just another cd that you burned and never bought am i not worth it to you?

after all that drama that we've been though?

all this pressure
all this pressure
maybe it means I'm gonna be
all this pressure all this pressure
maybe this means I'm gonna be a diamond
it wont ever bend a diamond cause
there ladies best friends a diamond

___there can't be a better song to describe my life.

will reply to your tags soon :)
love,

WE LOVE TEAK ROSE 161. FINE, I LOVE TEAK ROSE 161.

2009-02-15T04:05:00.001-08:00

went for lunch with mum after school last week. on a whim, as in, kind of on impulse, i asked mum to buy me this beanie baby. we both went retarded over seeing all the toys at Hallmark! she was like looking at the monkey from angles, then i kept taking random ducks and pigs and plopping them in her hands, which pissed her off, haha. she couldn't believe i was actually asking her to buy the stuffed toy for me, because both she and i know that i've grown out of that phase after 6.

but anyway, i'm starting to sleep with it. and it's very furry, and its' fur is luxe and glossy.

and Teak Rose 161 is one of the shades from Revlon. you will never believe how much i got it for.
but anyhow.
the colour doesn't really suit me at first sight. but there's smth in it that causes the colour to mature and darken. and it reminds me of pink stucco walls. if you were wondering, it is authentic. i know that because the seal/proof was there.

i'm not a make-up crazy girl, but i cannot resist nail varnish. who can? life would be boring without variety and colour. and anyway, we girls are so lucky in the sense that we have the luxury of experimenting and wearing different things to reflect who we are...nail varnish is one of the pleasures i can allow myself.

THIS IS 80% TRUE.

http://apps.facebook.com/qwhat-does-you-gegdf/?target=result&h=c65741a85ff8c918879ca5761fba6132&result=324322&exclude_ids=842895531&skip=1

in any case you were wondering i have a sweet life,
i beg to differ.

as i have been commiserating with several friends over the weekend (thanks guys, you rock :)),
i am ill.

after parents' day yesterday, i went out with my parents to west mall, where i got a practical watch (no diamond-studded, pretty ones for me, i don't like those.) for the exorbitant price of 55 bucks. and it aint even multi-coloured! but still, i wanted one that just served it's purpose, because i can be quite tough with my watches.

i slept at around 1, then woke up at 5. and that's when i realised my throat was inflamed. i was reassured that it was normal to be in such a state after long hours of sleep.

fat hope.
it was worse the next day.
and the pain had moved from the right side to the left side.

and then,
all my plans for the following mon come crashing on my head.
it's a long story.
i don't want to keep saying it for fear of accused of wanting sympathy.

oh my.
oh my.
oh my.
that's all i can say for now.

i feel like a wreck man.
heck, i am!

but that's pessimistic and not helpful.
I LOVE sardine currypuffs!
sry, random.

and i'm into blazers.
like, those super-chic ones.
and i've a skirt obsession.
wink wink lina!

skirts as in the pencilled kind. the type secretaries wear.
used to like the box-pleated ones, but they're kinda...

i think being ill does this to you
makes you ramble on and on about fashion
without even giving a care to who has the patience to read about my sartorial likes and dislikes.

something's terribly wrong with gowri k.

2009-02-08T04:17:00.000-08:00

FINALLY finally changed the skin.

it looks lovely, i think.

i didn't mean for it to be so one-sided, amy-winehouse-all-the-way-ish, but i couldn't find any decent skins quickly.

finished my IN stuff (assigned for now) and i've to move on to work now.

it is, really, 8.18pm.

all weekend, i've been dead up, bcos of the lack of sleep over the past week. and today, for kavadi-viewing (that's thaipusam), we walked somewhere from serangoon road to dhoby ghaut mrt. freaking exhausting. then went back to our beloved haunt, west mall.

seriously, it was quite eye-opening, seeing all the devotees sort of enjoy themselves doing this really painful task in the name of God.

saw a billboard for TCC (the coffee conossieur) thinking it was inside The Cathay, then was disappointed when i realized that it was a bleeding publicity ad. or smth.
my eng is screwed a little.

hopefully, the following week will be better.
just plough thru all your troubles. i should know, i've done it.
take care, my friends.

love,

2009-02-07T02:08:00.000-08:00

IT TAKES A VICIOUS SPAMMER TO GET THINGS MOVING.

apologies for the lack of updates.

some of us at eldds have been going through trying times, and we have been spending our time sometimes even after cca to rectify the problems that have been created. but nevertheless, jo, fgt, cy, we'll pull thru this.

the past week was turbulent. i ended up, for the first time in my life, half-asleep thru a lesson. something's wrong with me. it's not my fault my appetite to eat at school has shrunk. i eat like a madwoman at home and outside, but smth about school food just bleeding puts me off. thank god for lunch buddies like jo.

yesterday, was what i would call a day of revolution for eldds. why?
it seems, parents of certain members had been calling the teachers-in-charge to (in colloqial terms) 'complain' about the amount of time their children were spending in cca. and because, some of my friends were really downcast about it. and due to my ever-burgeoning schedule (did i mention i'm secretary of the IN Crowd ExCo?), i requested to be taken out of SYF as Ms Williams's understudy. So, I was running up and down the stairs looking for Grace, Ms.w's Sec 1 understudy. Surprise, surprise, the darling had transferred out of eldds. So, Ms Parv found Irid (not her real name), another sec 1, to understudy for ms williams.

being the obsessive perfectionist i am, i had felt quite insecure and disappointed when the rest of the cast had to give me directions for when i understudied Ms W for a FULL RUN on wednesday. sailesh wasn't there to play her, so i took over. and i had to read from the script..so.

as such, when i saw that a new girl was taking over, i took it as my responsibility to train her in slightly under 2 mins how to play the role. she had the script and didn't need to show much emotion or anything. she was really frazzled and kept saying, ' i don't want to make mistakes!'. but i managed to calm her down and everything. a few minutes later, i found out that she had broken down. taking pity on her, i told her that I would FILL IN FOR HER, and that she could just observe me, for this time only.

well,
my blood boiled for real this time. Irid was busy talking to her friends, who had done her the great job of distracting her, and not observing me. so, the tears were for? it was a blatant show of irrational behaviour. served me right for taking pity on her.

until then,

2009-01-23T04:48:00.000-08:00

I NEED A BLEEDING CHANGE OF BLOGSKIN.

AND I NEED CHOCOLATES TOO.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO THOSE WHO'RE CELEBRATING.
MAKE SURE YOU PEEL THE FIBRES OFF YOUR CLEMENTINES OR ORANGES.

My hair = wispy willow.

i miss eldds friends, and it's only been 8 hours.

2009-01-22T07:03:00.000-08:00

RIP Heath Ledger.

22 Jan 08

i am just so

paranoid
loyal (ok, to the councillors)
restrictive
concerned about morals
concerened about ethics
concerned about my sardine currypuffs

a thousand apologies
make their way from my lined mouth.

2009-01-20T02:57:00.000-08:00

I was close to tears yesterday.

because of one mental-capacity-reducing subject.

School's as gruelling as going to work these days.

Have to report to school at 7am practically for the whole week.

well thankfully there's c______ meeting tmrw at 7.40am. and yes, we are sacrificing our sleep-in time. on wednesdays. where's the dang mercy, guys?! oh,at least, i will be seeing my seniors.

Well,

mum bought this for me,

Please try the viennese fudge! you can eat it for the rest of your life, seriously.

but i would still miss my mum's food.

peppermint-fondant chocolate (far right) = divine. you should suck the fondant out.

_________________________________________________

forever beloved.

For the past few days, have been staying late at school, to finish publications, where at least one of the guys do not come on time. Well well.

did something about my CR today in the art room, and edited subtitles for the O Level results vid (hey sis! you're in!) and i'm LIKE WHO THE HELL TOLD YOU TO TOUCH SUBTITLES MALCOLM?!?!?

anyhow,

joel was there, editing the CNY vid. made my stomach hurt from laughing.

it was already quite painful, because

I was walking around before 3 o'clock (don't ask me why), going to the library, canteen, art room. Then, I met Weiyang and Wenkai. Apparently, they were staying back in the classroom to decorate the class and talk about newsletter stuff. So i went with them to the class after hearing some of my girlfriends were there too. Then as we turned to leave, Weiyang was trying to skip. He was so STIFF! Like some toy soldier. And at that time, Ms Chua passed by. Then she gave us a weird look. I was giggling behind my hands!!!! Super hilarious!

Went back to class. Sailesh, Ashwin, Sandy, Fathin and Rahul (?) were there. Then I went hyper, skipping all around the class. I was laughing my head off by then! Then everyone (nearly) started doing it. Weiyang was skipping like his shoulders were knotted or something!!!!

They never fail to make me hurt my tum!

Love you guys!

2009-01-16T21:06:00.000-08:00

February 7th.

I'LL BE WAITING!

I still have to update about last week/O Levels media crew and ystd. darnit.

still have a lot of work and a article to finish.

nas and basyar, please cheer up.
we can't do with upside down smiles.
lol, kidding.

Vista rocks my socks off.
a single fingerprint to log-ons.

and yes,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.
on the 12th of Jan.

I was going to post a picture of me at six (trust me, i had overloaded cheeks) but things just wouldn't work and thus i'm using a different mode of blogging.

thank you for the presents, Aqilah, Metiwan and Denies (even though I didn't ask, and now I'm obliged :) :(

thanks for the wishes everyone! thanks for even bothering to wish me both verbally and on facebook!

and thanks to G.cuz for her wishes as well!

Love you guys lots :)

bye bye, bye bye barry.

2009-01-11T03:28:00.000-08:00

funny how being mentally unstable can make you type weird stuff.

i really am, m.u.

i am dying for after-eights..the mint-filled chocolate thins.

and...vintage rings. scarves. the new lily allen album. oh wait,that's in feb,sry.

this is miserable.

and i'm not living the life of someone meant my age.

this is unfair.

call me simplistic for having such an attitude, but i have decided to go along with this part of the propaganda.

yes, i'm overworked.

looks like i'm buckling.

and jolene, this is for you.

'This is my blessing,
this is my curse.
but i don't care what it is,
as long as i'm with her."

no idea what it means. but i just said it on the spot.

Stayed over at school with my beloved friends for CCA Awareness Day, which finished ystd.

went home and came back to school (wonderful sun at that time!) at around 4.30 on fri, freshly bathed.

talked to jolene, trying to finish up the Groom My Room write-up (watch it on Okto, from 25th january, and vote for bukit view :) ) and talked to whoever was there.

bridget (!) deserted us, but bcos she was psl.

keep in mind that, jolene and i were the only girls from the exco therei had a great time with her, nasri, jeremiah and basyar. We went down to the parade square to watch the campfire, where Basyar shouted nonsense and i started getting high (a.k.a cheered really loudly.) Then, we went to the canteen and worked on our articles/videos. jolene really liked it there. and then i scared cheng ying with my pontianak hair. basyar (ever the centre of attention) stood on the table and paraded the drinks he got for us. i felt very tiny. tsk tsk.

at around 11-ish, we went up. practically lost track of time.

at night, some psls came to join us in the art room. at around 12 midnight-ish, nasri called a publications meeting and ordered everyone to finish their second newsletter articles b4 2.30. that is how we ended up staying late until 3...all the way until 7. i finished my articles (n level results and top 10 _that's a secret!____ of 2008) in a jiffy. i was quite proud of the both. i mean, i didn't expect to work that well. at that time, too.

i, for one, did not catch even an hour of sleep. it was only 20 mins. i slept on hard floor, cos the person next to me wouldn't relinquish his/her hold on the blanket. then i woke up, and started walking around. talking to ppl, asking them how they were. i mean, i scared the media crew guys that if they juts sat in the same place playing pet society and pretending to be zhe kai on msn, they would suffer from DVT and die quietly.

then went barefoot downstairs with jeremiah to look for smth. who could hate me that much to wish that i lost smth v.valuable? sigh.

watched the ring 2, or at least bits of it.

somehow i stayed alive. some people claimed two beanbags to themselves. zhe kai caught his beauty sleep and claimed the banana seat.

i didn't want to sleep cos i didn't want to oversleep and then upset my body clock. so i stayed up.

at around six, cheng ying and i were talking about music. i think. i can't really remember.

Missing you guys badly.

jolene,

thank you for accompanying me everywhere and keeping me sane, and for everything you've done for me. that's all crammed into a sentence, but it means a lot to lil ol' me.

love you lots.

basyar,

thank you for asking me how i was everytime,

for freaking me out

for making me laugh my life out

for the compliments

for everything i haven't thanked you for.

cheng ying,

thank you for introducing me to something called sla-----.

for the first time, i did.

thank you for talking to me in the mornings in a monotone and plotting to kick someone (did we really do that?)

same goes for bridget and iqbal and lia and azwan.

i will really miss you all of you guys.

god knows how much i want to be on stage.

i really do.

but it's just that i'm caught up with things.

it does suck to be me.

i mean, you could be wondering, how could she say that? she's got everything!!

truth is, the most successful people aren't necessarily the happiest.

2008-12-31T22:48:00.000-08:00

Good things come for those who wait.

Happy new year, everybody.

See you at school in 10 hours :)

never let your head stop you from having a good time.

2008-12-26T04:42:00.000-08:00

Guess who?

:)

(seriously, you guys should always check if there're titles for the posts)
HEY EVERYONE.

AM DEAD TIRED from the ELDDS gathering (it aint a party no mou.)

I've been listening to a lot of the unreleased studio recordings of Amy Winehouse...you should really listen to What It Is...it cld make you cry, it could make you wanna binge.

I don't know how to react to things that are happening right now. Even though they are pretty normal, they really have a great impact on me, an unbelievably-chronically sensitive person.

Like, a lot of things.

even eating dark-chocolate gelato and putu piring can work wonders on my stomach and make me feel cranky for the next five days. i nearly wrote five years!!!

The eldds gathering didnt do justice to me waking up at 7 and rushing to and fro between places.

the title was derived from its events, because some not very nice people said things they could have avoided. all because of a little eyeliner? come on, your minimum requirements for carrying out your sadistic acts are definitely more than make-up.

I am so irritated right now.

have i ever written this before?

this marks the end of a dawn and the beginning of a long dark tunnel. (ref. Cheryl Tweedy - Lily Allen)

Lastly,
i'd love to thank everyone who's tagged my blog, trust me, only jionghuai, cherlyn and xinyi wished me merry x'mas on my tagboard. so much for the money spent on multiple smses, yes?

Sandhiya: Yup, i'll reply to your tag, thanks a lot :)

dan: whatever dan. i still don't jaywalk.

jionghuai: merry christmas! thanks!

xinyi: xinyi...so inauspicious, talk about death after wishing me merry x'mas..oh but then again i forgot i'm your grandma.

cherlyn: hey cherlyn..in fact I don't even like Twilight. merry x'mas and please ditch edward cullen.

xinyi: haha, ok :)

olivia: um, dear? lol! np.

2008-12-17T20:46:00.000-08:00

Hey GUYS!

I will be flying off to Eden, (no, an island, really) tomorrow, and i'll be returning in a couple of days. Until then, please don't leave the tagboard dead, haha..nah, kidding. but please don't, in any case.

Take care!

p.s.apologies, but i don't think Robert Pattinson should have played Edward Cullen.

out-meowing the propaganda. woof.

2008-12-14T07:36:00.000-08:00

British and talented...

...and has a twin brother.

HEY GUYS!

I'm quite happy about the facts that I (a)managed to watch city of ember and drool inwardly at the same time (b)got my internet back (c)am flying off in about 3/4(d)have made headway on the last pieces of hmwk I have.

yes,

please watch city of ember.

if you have not read the book, like me, you will feel it's a fantastic movie and its' lead characters are, um -

if you have read the book, you may say the movie is a ridiculous novelty hit and a disappointment.

thank you for your tags, i really appreciate it. i was so freaking pissed, the internet being down led me to being unable to complete an assignment, but i'll finally reply to your tags :

Marissa: Hi, dear :)

Sandy: hey sandy! yeah, i miss all of you, actually :)

sandhiya: hey sandhiya! i'm fine, what about you :)

olivia: uh, no, you're not olivia, you're my daily newspaper.

fathin: hehe. no problem :) when i saw your name, i was like, 'omigod, i so have to call fathin now!' lol. thank you :)

renee: yeah.

cos i know, cos you said, so when i can. just let you know.

2008-12-05T02:43:00.000-08:00

[EDITED]
[RE-EDITED, only a little..]

OK.
due to so much of backlog of activities, i decided to talk about performing arts camp once and for all.

yeah, STALE FREAKING NEWS, but um...

I WROTE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED IN THE AFTERNOON IN A PREVIOUS POST, SO YOU MIGHT WANT TO REFER TO THAT :)

So, onto the part where we had to put on a performance.

i teamed up with shirley, bridget, renee, lia, melina, cheryl, and another girl whose name i cannot remember.

we were actually one half of group 1 (like, hello, the rest of the other girls were more than happy to separate :) )

So, Shirley and I were trying to rally the others, asking them for ideas. nothing worked.
and we passed around a piece of paper asking them to suggest characters and then come up with a storyline. i suggested a woman obsessed with christianity, as inspired by Mrs Carmody in The Mist, (i mean, of course we wouldn't go too far as to insult) and this girl in our group was like, 'noooo, noooo, dont' want...then it will be too insulting. don't want.'

i mean, no one is that much of a religious fanatic to actually insult any religion, right?!?!? not that i know of..but i don't think anyone's that brave.

then i was like, 'ok, since you have issues with it, give us a better character.'
she was like, ' don't know, lah'.

anyway, she got on all our nerves later on, and did not bother to learn her lines, or even ask me or shirley.

anyhow,
our story was an episode of a talkshow, when the guests who are supposed to turn up DON'T, and in their place are crazy, whacked-up bigots who can't tell the difference between ginger beer and sarsparilla.

my character was supposed to be this uber-successful computer programmer, who's also a first-class prude and a pariah.

It was freaky, during rehearsals, when i'd STRUGGLE to get out of character, because i was (sorry about the cliche) 'seriously into it'.

Nasri's team's performance's was quite long. And nasri spoke in an indian accent, thus inviting comparisons and controversy. alliteration. pooja went crazy.

the weird thing is,
for the two teams before our performance, i didn't cheer with pomp or energy or anything. i just sat back and clapped like some duchess. this is not because arrogance and sedation suddenly shot through my veins, but because i wanted to save my energy for our performance. when you cheer for others, you find yourself getting subconsciously put down, and you don't perform as well for your team, cos you always have that nagging thought at the back of your brain, saying, 'really, those guys were the best. we can't really beat them.'

when showtime came...

we were in the lecture theatre for the performance, we were kind of the second/third last teams.
Shirley was freaked out when they called our name, but i was like, just get it over with.
So we got chairs. and Matthew said,'ok, so can someone explain what your performance was about?'

no-one seemed to be taking the mic, so i did, and i said,'uh, well our performance is about an episode of a talkshow where the guests who are supposed to turn up, don't.'

oh god, i really screwed up that part, because i was a bit high anyway.

so, i sat, and settled down with my hoodie on the table behind me.
Lia played the dancer wannabe, Bridget played the drama queen. Shirley was the talkshow host.

(remember ,we had no scripts.)

and it started as...

Shirley: Hello everyone! Welcome to our talkshow! As you can see, we have three guests here. One of them is a woman who created facebook.

I waved.

(actually, shirley was supposed to say i was a successful computer programmer. don't know what would have happened if she hadn't said i created facebook.)

Shirley: And she (pointing to Bridget) is a socialite and a heiress..she (pointing to Lia) is a very popular dancer. Now, we're going to talk to her first (gives mic to me)

Me: (cue stiff-upper lip British accent) Good evening, everyone! My name is Dolo-res Jaa-ne Umm-bridge JUNIOR.

everyone laughs.

Me: Is there anything funny? Did I spell it right? J-U-N-I-O-R? JUNIOR?

and they laughed even harder !!?!?!??!

Me: God..these people. Anyhow, I created Facebook, and that guy, Mark Zuckerberg or Suckerberg (laughs once again), he did not create facebook. HE STOLE MA IDEA! DO YOU HEAR ME?! HE STOLE MA IDEA! Sigh...that horrible boy..

Shirley: Um, ok, well can you tell us what you do?

Me: Oh, me. Well I am a very successful woman and I manage Facebook ('something to that effect, ok?'). I believe (cue exaggerated hand gestures) there are more productive things you can do rather than eating, sleeping, and surfing the internet ('look at the irony!'). I mean, of course, doing the latter adds layers of fat to my rear-

laughs. good thing they caught the last bit.

Shirley: Um, ok, can you please hand the mic to her ('referring to bridget')

i hand the mic over to bridget with a disgusted look.

Bridget: WHO CARES?!?

(i give her a pained look, and start meditating.)

Bridget talks, on and on.

Maybe i said a few others things, but i can't really remember them.

Bridget hands the mic to Lia.

Lia stands and just starts dancing.

me: where did you say you studied, dear?

(i think there were laughs at this point..everybody was too busy looking at Lia)

Lia doesn't do anything.

Shirley: Well, Lia, can i see your earphones? (takes them)

Me: OH NO DON'T TOUCH THEM, DEAR! GIVE THEM BACK TO THIS WOMAN!
(actually i left out a word :l )

Shirley: Well...this talkshow isn't going as we planned...-

Me: PITY!

(laughs)

Ok I can't really remember what went on after this, so the events may be a bit jumbled up)

Shirley said something, which caused me to shriek and fall at her feet, praying. and then everyone goes nuts and laughs/shrieks along/sits there?!

I get back to my seat.

Me: Oh, that was terrible, oh, my cardigan (it got caught under the chair) oh shoot! Oh no, I said the word shoot! (laughs) oh shit! Oh! I said the word shit! (laughs)

Then, Renee and Melina, playing the reporters, come up to me.

Me: Oh, what is this? As you can see, I, uh, am not in a very, proper state of mind...but HOW DARE YOU STICK THIS MIC IN MY FACE! HOW DARE YOU! (laughs) Oh no...

guys,
don't bother waiting for the next post. it will come sooner or later.
i'm quite mentally disturbed right now.
sorry.
i know it doesn't suffice, but it's all i can say for now.

"you said it was a rat, I just didn't know it was the dead variety!"

2008-11-28T03:01:00.000-08:00

read the title.

what's been happening in a few sentences...

i have been sticking my tongue out quite a lot lately.

reason 1:
everytime i blog-hop, i always see the twilight trailer on that blog.

reason 2:
i think i'm a pariah and everything seems lame.

anyhow,
sister and i went out a week ago to the video store and borrowed a video each. no prizes for guessing what i chose. sister chose hairspray over some screwed-up horror film which had a totally uninspiring poster, as far as i'm concerned.

sis totally loves 10 Things and Hairspray and she watched both of them multiple times. i watched it 4 times, i think.
it's not hard to see why it was 1999's movie of the year. and if you watch 10 Things and then watch The Dark Knight, the lack of parallels between heath ledger's acting is startling. who would have known, from a light-hearted teen comedy to a bitter, sadistic portrayal of the second-best villain in the world (it's true. the joker is the second-best villain in the world, and the 100th is lord voldemort)

anyway,
it took me four times of watching hairspray to finally realize i liked it. so much that i even wrote down the lyrics to miss baltimore crabs. spoof alert.

meow.
childaid concert next week, and two late nights to look forward to.
sorry for out-meowing you on msn, dan. i had fun though.

www.thewilliambeckettblog.com
www.katyperryblog.com
www.cbeckettphotography.com (the similarity between her and william is devastating)

2008-11-25T07:03:00.000-08:00

reply to tags, and i've to be outta here by 11.15.

liting and serning: yeah, linked you, but remember to do the same, k?

reneethegreat: haha. hello renee.

dan: hey dan! thanks a lot for tagging :)

cherlyn: hi :)

xinyi: ok, will tag you xinyi. whatever it is, the original term coined by me will always be 'six feet under'.

saferah: yes! you can't tell how much i miss you too :)

2008-11-21T22:47:00.000-08:00

i can't even tell you how much i feel like ---- now.

is it because i'm going to get mugged or something far worse?

i really feel like throwing up, which is something i always feel like doing when i know i'm going to be irreversibly depressed and disappointed for the next few..oh i don't know.

onto...

i've been quite a fan of old music for sometime, like Nina Simone (jazz), No Doubt (ska/rock), Sixpence None The Richer (pop/rock), Hooverphonic (both their old/new songs).

and most recently-

OMG. i just discovered WILLIAM BECKETT is taller than HEATH LEDGER!

WHAT?!?!!?

Well

I've been addicted to this film starring HEATH called 10 Things I Hate About You , and i was thinking of watching it on holiday. which i don't think i'll be doing anyway.

ANYHOWS,
the soundtrack for the film has a lot of nice songs, but they sound kinda old. considering the film was released in march 1999.

like...I Want You To Want Me by Letters to Cleo and Cruel To Be Kind by the same band as well.

Cruel To Be Kind is terribly nice too.

if you've noticed, in the picture, Heath stands head and shoulders above practically everyone.

do any of you guys know Save Ferris? well, they appear in the prom scenes in the movie. letters to cleo's and save ferris's performances are terribly nostalgic it makes you want to trot to the video store and borrow it.

Save Ferris sings 'I Know' which is a typical teen love-song and has a lot of trumpet (me love the trumpet ahem) and 'Can't Stop' which isn't as memorable as 'I Know'.

Sorry i'm such an old soul. I like sappy songs. well, a bit. not the 'Bleeding Love' kind, that makes me giggle in pity, but the old type. and anyway, there are two kinds of sappy songs. the kinds that are happy and the kinds that are emo. the happy kinds just lure you into a false sense of - security? - and make you think that it's all fun and nice but it really is quite unnecessary, heartache. drawing from observations.

and i have a ton of apologies.

THERE'S A RIDICULOUS BACKLOG of activities and i've been not blogging about
a)performing arts camp
b)going back to school and pissing nas off
c)and 1E3
d)going to lots of shopping malls
e)open house

i'll finish the minor stuff off first.

b)
going back to school and pissing nas off

Nas msn-ed me the previous night saying that there was to be a meeting to discuss eldds priorities for open house, he also said that the heads of departments would be there (e.g.basyar,jason..)

He put the time at 8 to 12, which was insane for me.

The next day, i woke up at 7.30am. \that was considered terribly late!
but weirdly, i was so relaxed! i didn't even hurry to get ready or anything.

and a few minutes later, i realized, it was actually 6.30am.

omigod! i was so relieved that i wasn't going to be late after all. never the less, i left home at 7.15 and reached at 7.50. I was pretty early.

Then it was 8. I called Nas.

It's a long story, but let's just say he was driven to school by his dad and he got lost? late? delayed? nasri got butchered?
the whole situation was best summed up in a bout of smses. then nas said he was taking a bus and he would be there in 20 mins ( he wasn't) and that he owed me mac (which i didn't accept).

I ended up waiting until 9.30am.

I was so angry i could have kicked a wall.

In the end,we ended up doing nothing. basyar and jason turned up...for drama.
nasri ended up going to gossip blogs (from where i learned that amy winehouse is getting plump) and watching the extended Twilight trailer. and a certain teacher had, it seems, planned everything without telling us. sweet.

About 1E3,

(this isnt in reference to what oli and fathin and whoever else did)

God. how could anyone forget the really great memories we had as a class. although we have mr heng to thank for instilling the 'work together spirit' in us, we were able to get together with one another and win Best Class Awards a staggering 5 TIMES - get this - CONSECUTIVELY.

the good times we had...
fredrick laughing like a hyena, mr heng showing his expertise in certain areas and enlisting the help of Joel (ahem) and Matthew (ahem ahem), zhe kai attempting to throw his water bottles into the rubbish bin and failing almost everytime, metiwan and her vocal acrobatics, wen kai rallying us for CIP, sailesh winning an environmental-poster competition, eileen whistling like hell, chuan yao and fredrick g--ing, chu "face-the-wall" jie pissing me off, playing bingo with milissa and beatriz, avinash and ashwin relocating to la-la-land (are they out yet?), afiq sneezing like a broken record,me so-called popularizing our class (i was on stage so many times and they mentioned my beloved class),weiyang getting picked on, vaisnavi and fredrick laughing so much, wenkai and i verbally fighting using lots of clever language, olivia voicing her discontent/happiness, class presentations, the science video me heng showed us (the people in the video shouted 'aiyoh' and we replayed that part so many times :))) ) ms yeng saying fredrick was cute, ms yeng mimicking my accent ("arts, see, ARR-TS!"), mdm geetha telling us ghost stories about malaysian highways, there was so much more.

PERFORMING ARTS CAMP 2008

2008-11-14T06:19:00.000-08:00

remind me!!!

pffft who am i asking.

tomorrow/sunday, i'll blog about performing arts camp, and 1e3.
yeah i really need to do that.

and tues, oli and i are getting together for something i can't reveal until 20th nov, and finally we'll get to talk. ahaha, she seems pissed over smth. cheer up, sunbeam!

[EDITED] holidaycamps- PSL-SC camp 08

2008-11-11T00:54:00.000-08:00

[EDITED]

reply.to.tags:

iluvzxinyi: OMG! SO IT REALLLY is you, xinyi! haha, I'll tempt fate and not tag you. MUAHAHAHAH.

fathin: it's ok, fathin! no sweat...you know those moments when you go to brush your teeth and you realize you've done it earlier at seven? this is one of those moments :)

OH Finally.

I'll talk about the psl-sc camp first, and then performing arts camp, because both posts are terribly long.

PSL-SC Camp
was so eventful, and it was a good opportunity to work on our weaknesses and strengths and sort of, rediscover ourselves.

A lot of time was spent in the LT, which was FREEZING, for one. I was kicking myself for not bringing my hoodie along at that time.

We also had an Amazing Race (corny, right, but still).
Well thankfully, we could get along with each other in our group. I'd Wanxin, Xinyi, Fathihah, Valerie ( i keep thinking valerie hermann), a girl who was totally hostile towards Malcolm, who was also in our group, Weiyang and Jia En.

So, great people I guess.

About the Amazing Race,

I don't remember much of it because we had another sort of amazing race later on.
Weiyang was the sort-of leader, i guess. So we got the first clue and he decided that it had to be a car-plate number, so the first place to go to was a carpark.

We found Jerwin and some others. The task was,

there was a square marked around a bucket of water. so we had to lift the bucket using only a rope. we couldn't drag it out, or spill any water.

we obviously managed to do it, weiyang stretched and managed to loop the rope through the handle.

There wasn't much to talk about concerning Amazing Race.

The Fright Night was the piece de resistance, sorry about the poor french.

Well, fright night was practically about spooks and ghosts and fear and stuff.

Oh, and it happened in the nightttttt.

So firstly, we receive clues in the forms of pictures at each station. then we proceed to the next station to do a task and so on.

firstly, we went to the AVA. the theatre lah dey, not the one treating animals.

Haniff, looking very weird in a long, white T-shirt and pants (i think it was his councillor whites) opened the door.

Haniff: Where's the clue?
someone: uh, yeah, here.
Haniff: (after checking the clue) Ok.

Then he shut the door.

freakily, we saw thru the gap in the door, all the lights were being turned off.

After that, we all went inside to watch a short movie, presumably about ghosts and stuff. It was a bit weird, thankfully i didn't scream.

Fast forward,
one of our locations was the landing of the 'hidden' staircase on the left of each level. the lights were turned off inside. everyone was hesitant at first, especially some of them, but weiyang and i convinced them to come in. So Jia En and Weiyang turned on the lights. They were beginning to climb the stairs, i was behind, when suddenly

the lights went off.

whoever who was behind me went screaming insanely, scaring me even more. they practically ran away. i'm laughing about the three of us even now. god, it was a bit difficult calming them down. and anyway, they weren't to be blamed. how would you feel if you turned on the lights and as soon as you're trying to climb up, the lights go off?

I was calming my friends down, when some others noticed there was a weird light coming from the bottom stairwell . We were wondering if it was (a)the lights from the nearby shops/HDB flats (b) buses or whatever (c) or....

and we also saw shadows.

So we decided to link arms, and started walking towards the stairs.

Suddenly, nauar appeared, with a light held near her face, which was half-painted green. A bit morbid, really! She was like,'We all were waiting for you guys to come, you know, you all were screaming like..?!"

Well......
our task was to transport 20 mealworms, YES YOU HEARD RIGHT, 20 mealworms, from the top of the stairs to the bottom, where Jeremiah was waiting with a sort of container to get the mealworms.

I was INSTANTLY REPULSED at the task. i HATE CREEPY CRAWLIES OR ANYTHING THAT WRIGGLES FOR THAT MATTER!

i was quite apprehensive.
Weiyang and valerie were sort of, up for it, and valerie was the first girl to actually touch the mealworms. Then, Wanxin and I made like a sort of agreement to go in pairs and do it. we put our palms alongside. Valerie put one worm at first into my hand, I DON'T KNOW, SHE WAS ALWAYS AIMING FOR MY HAND AHAAHAJAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Wanxin was faster than me, so she was actually pulling me down the stairs, and i was running.
Like Wanxin wrote in her blog, we were sort of 'addicted' to doing it. I was like,' Wanxin, we do it again, k? yeah, just get over it!!"

First: 1 worm
Second: 2 worms
Third: 2 worms
Fourth: 3 worms

i think, roughly, that's the amount of worms we transported.

whenever we even went near the rest, they screamed like hell. and it was even louder cos we were in a pretty small space.

there was this station where we all had to take Taste Tests. Weiyang was super anxious, like, is it edible? is it safe? lol. cldn't blame him though.

So this Taste Test thing happened in some career guidance room. I was a bit gung-ho, so i happened to be at the front. They picked the first four, so i happened to be the fourth, the rest were boys. sigh. pfft.

It felt like we were being in a vacuum room or something! the air smelt strange, and it was quite cold. worse still, we had to cover our eyes throughout everything.

The first thing we tasted was bittergourd.

The moment it was placed on my palm, i knew what it was, no doubt. It was an arc of bittergourd. I knew it from experience, not because I'd eaten it for lunch earlier.

We were told to eat it, duh. Weiyang, obviously really disgusted, said,"Eh, Gowri, I think you ate it for lunch today."

But since the bittergourd didn't taste bitter at all, i was thinking it could be radish instead. Nevertheless, I said bittergourd and it was bleeding correct.

The next thing we tasted was wasabi. Seriously, could anything taste more Japanese?

The third item was lethal, as in REALLY LETHAL.

I bit into it and my whole mouth was on fire. Chilli padi, duh. horrible.

fourth item was supposed to help us recover, instead it made it worse. Lemon juice.

The funny thing was, I didn't cry or shriek or anything, something normal in that situation.
I guess guys kinda toughen you up. Group psychology, i guess.

When you're in a group, and with certain types of people, you get braver, and you're totally ready to do anything. You don't care what anyone thinks, you just do whatever they do? it's something like that.

The rest of them, 5 girls, came in. The previous 4 were allowed to stay inside. I don't want to talk about their reactions to the food.

fast forward,
there was one station that everyone was talking about in particular.
it was at the 1T1 classroom or smth.
and of course, jolene was there........sigh.

and there was this rumour going around that olivia and denise never made it back after that station. Sharvin is really an actor in hiding..but thankfully i didn't go berserk and spread the obviously fake rumour.

then we had a sort of debrief in the LT.
Nazim/Nazeem was talking to us in the LT and said he wanted to pull up some people to talk about the camp. Well, he called me first.

Don't know how this happened, I just sprung up from my seat. Anyhows, I was waiting for a chance to speak, just missed the feeling of being in front of a crowd.

Then Nazim said, "Whoa! She's brave, man! Clap for her!"

Thank you. I mean it.

I went on to talk about what was my favourite part of the camp, and said stupid crap. But anyway, I still got rousing applause and am eating well.

PSL-SC camp was not fun in the sense that we had to brush our teeth and everything and report to the LT by 6.30am.

As usual, Fathin, Aqilah and I slept together, just like Sec 1 orientation camp! I think Aqilah was a bit freaked out by me. Because whenever i slept facing her, she usually covered her face or turned away, or she was fidgeting like mad. Lol, so funny. Aqilah, I'm perfectly straight!! don't get freaked out!

I couldn't sleep thruout. I was just half-sleeping. I've done that once at home. I was lying upside down on my bed, then i saw my mum standing near me. Then I tried to wish her good morning, but i couldn't speak. just kept staring at her. So weird! Felt quite detached from my body. that is a symptom of b------ disorder.

I couldn't remember any time of the night/morning when I was asleep. Sometime around 12am, jolene came in to check ( i could tell it was jolene, because when you see white-yellow-green, who do you think of?)

Then I waved to her, quite lazily. Then she was like,' Sleep gowri. Sleep. Go to sleep, gowri.'

lol.

then there were more people coming in, and there was like a light repeatedly being shone into my face. I was like,'what the! do you want to see my spots more clearly or what?'

my hoodie is a lifesaver :) that is why i look like a refugee all the time i carry it around.

At around 5 am, fathin's phone alarm rang, and what an apt song it was.
Pocketful of Sunshine.

(and it continues from here)

AHAAHAHAHA FAthin you dadadidi. THe volume was so loud dude. Anyhows,
i woke up at 5am. then hibernated. until 5.47am. Then Aqilah, Fathin and I went off to brush our teeth and all. Then I walked around a lot waiting for 6.30am, probably frightening Jerwin and Sharvin in the process.

Before having breakfast, we played Captain's Ball. The facilitators were great. For our match, we were poorly matched up, because the opposing team members were all taller than us :(

PFFFFT.

That was it about PSL-SC Camp.
It was really fun, more fun that you could have ever imagined.

Love you all!

2008-11-08T21:47:00.000-08:00

Thought of writing about PSL-SC camp today, but still have Perf.Arts camp tmrw, so I'll do a ' what? - mass update? ewww.. that sounded very kitschy/scrappy/crappy/apple/schmapple.

hopefully, the long stories will still be fresh in my head.

i'm a HP freak.

oh if you love silver

if you really do love silver

go get smth from HP.

replies:

dan: alright, linked you :)

sandy: haha, same to you sandy! but i'll do the survey on tues, k? i just realized i've two surveys to do, lol.

joel: hello!

2008-11-05T21:16:00.000-08:00

some things i recently found out about myself :

I share the same birthday as Amerie, a Spice Girl (ok, it's Melanie Chisholm - is she a Spice Girl?!?), a former boyfriend of Kylie Minogue, a former wife of Paul McCartney, and 'shock jock' radio host Howard Stern.

haha. wow.

1.45pm
what the! there's a song by the white stripes called 'Jolene'?

2008-11-05T00:10:00.000-08:00

JUST LOGGED ON, AND FOUND OUT ON YAHOO,

THAT OBAMA'S PRESIDENT OF THE US!

well, that's great.

we all need change.

2008-11-04T04:06:00.000-08:00

funny how having money can lull you into a false sense of being able to buy anything.

it's a bit like being audrey hepburn in a Tiffany & Co. showroom.

Sorry if that didn't make any sense!

i don't see anything sweet about innocence, Stephenie/Stephanie Meyer.

I was thinking about my pitiful predicament in the bathroom today.

I've been stuck with no internet access for about 4 days. yeah, i can already see people fainting already.

actually, i can surf the net, if i didn't care about all the harm that floats in the WWW which could befall my pc any moment. ahem.

On to serious business,
for our IN Trip, we are going to a country very close to us, so if any of you thought Nasri or I would return with stuff from Sephora's or American Eagle Outfitters, fat hope.

Yeah, we are kinda sad about it. Still, we might do some shopping.

Well, there's something i'd like to set very, very straight.

Being in the IN Crowd does not mean you get to enjoy free coffee (which, we do not, by the way), overseas trips and translucent fame.

There are sacrifices to be made, like time, money, PR and whatever.

Perhaps, some of you remember the goddarn surveys.

i need to hurry awwaaay.

2008-11-02T02:25:00.000-08:00

Go to friendsorenemies.com to check out pix from the 'About A Girl' video. It's playing on 987 daily, i think. AND I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR THAT. check out the video, for god's sake. wonder why we are fans of TAI? it's because they really do have talent. btw, i think they were on tour with We The Kings (yes, of Check Yes Juliet) and Hey Monday (pete wentz 's prodigal band), so if you guys check out their music, why not TAI's as well ?

The official theme song for the new Bond movie 'Quantum of Solace' is out ;

it's pretty good :) featuring two of my favourite musicians, Jack White and Alicia Keys.

i'm still wondering how it would have sounded like if amy winehouse had sung it instead of Alicia.

I wasn't able to update for the past few days because of some anti-virus problemos, so i'm using someone else's laptop.

Well, the big news I've been wanting to tell is that I finally bought Amy Winehouse's Frank.
Weetweet!

I know it's bleeding annoying the way I (can) go on and on about her, but it's because she really has talent. And I wouldn't be talking about or publicising people whom I think have no substance nor style. Russell Brand included.

help yourself,
gowri

p.s.: there's a hidden song title in the signing-off.

2008-10-29T06:04:00.000-07:00

something COLOSSAL has happened.
more details tomorrow with the usual puke.

nasri
exhausts me when i'm talking to him on MSN

the october song.
tomorrow.

today.
29th october 2008
one of the best days of my turbulent whatever life.

2008-10-27T21:35:00.001-07:00

FINALLY THE 'ABOUT A GIRL' VIDEO IS OUT ON YOUTUBE!

and don't tell me the lead singer looks like a girl. rather him over zac efron anytime.
wouldn't you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgJdWNlT0_k

I've got 2 months to kill.
just like any other sec1/2.

and i'm going crazy with the henna.